Barnzy02
Well-Known Member
DSICLAIMER: I'm not looking for sage advice, and i'm not expecting anything. I don't talk to my close friends or family, as i don't like people close to me to know everything that is going on in my life. I'm a very private person, but i just NEED to vent.
The situation is, i got engaged to my g/f back in february, and things have just gone down hill ever since. All she
had ever wanted was to get married, you could say she was a nagger about it; i heard about it everytime another friend of hers became engaged. It didn't bother me, as i knew, at some point i would buy her a ring. Now, i'm wondering if that was the right decision....
Synopsis: She's from Florida, has been living in Philly for about 4 years, we've been seeing each for two of them. She is severely homesick, and always has been. Her parents are in poor health, and some of her close friends have gone through major life events, that she has been unable to be there for, which she has always been 'that' friend.
Early last year, i offered to move back to Florida with her, and we were seriously considering it for awhile. She ultimately, decided that it's just 'nostalgia' and that there's 'nothing really there' for her to move back to (several friends moved away, no jobs, etc.) So that went on the back burner, and we've just been chugging along.
I want to say in June, she came to me about her depression. She is unhappy, basically all of the time. She has had a hard time making friends in Philadelphia. Meeting new people hasn't worked out for her. She had originally moved up here for a guy, and that almost immediately fell apart as soon as she got here. She found out he had been talking to other girls, getting nudes, essentially cheating on her, and he treated her like crap when they were together here. Often going out and just leaving her at home. So any people she knows from Florida that live in Philly, she doesn't have much contact with as they are either a) were never friends or b) they're friends with her ex . She is feeling very isolated and alone, her job is constant stress and a source of unhappiness, but she can't 'afford' to take other job offers she has received. Our relationship has deteriorated to the point that we are stuck in this 'routine' and there is little to no intimacy at all.
I blew up on her, early in July, when she had been out drinking with friends, came home late one night she passed out on the couch, then moved to our second bedroom at some point. I woke up and went to read in our living room, her phone kept blowing up. I ignored it for a while, it kept going off, i finally looked at it ... Text from ex-b/f saying 'i miss you too'. I didn't go 'off the handle', but i basically woke her up, tossed the phone at her and said
'well, that's cool.' We fought for a good two weeks or so after that, and eventually had a sit down and tried to work things out. ultimately she claims the conversation wasnt 'like that.' It's more of a just missing her friends, they were friends before they dated, and she just misses her friends. I asked her to just stop talking to him, which apparently she had been, for our whole
relationship. It made me unformtable, and i didn't say 'you can't talk to him anymore.' I more or less, just asked. As, i am not looking to 'control'
anyone, she's a grown adult and can do as she pleases.
She is basically saying to me, that she just needs 'space of her own', she's been actively seeking either a room to rent with friends, or really what she wants is an apartment of her own. SHe feels like she's never been 'on here own' and always been dependent upon somebody else. I've been as open minded in all of this as i can be as, i proposed to her, i want to marry her,
and ultimately i just want her to be 'happy.' It does however, piss me off, that she's willing to strap herself financially, and move out, and not consider
my financial state whatsoever, i've basically been treading water for a while in regards to debt, and even homebrewing can be tight financially for me
at times. I pay all of our living expenses, apart from groceries and for our dogs.
Fast forward a bit, and Several, of her 'moving' options all fell through, however, this ex-b/f, who she still talks to just so happens to need to someone to 'dog-sit' while he works a few days a week down at the Jersey shore. She was, obviously, cautious to bring this up to me, as she was concerned she'd either hurt me or pisse me off. i have been as easy going about everything as i possibly can, because, ultimately the more confrontational and whiny i am, the worse i make everything.
So i tell her to go for it, she's staying there like 3-4 nights a week, while i stay at home with our dogs.
I'm at a point where, i have no f****ng clue what to do and what to think. I 'feel' like this is the end, she just can't or doesn't want to admit it. I also feel like there's a chance she is seeing someone else. She has no affection, compassion, or empathy for my end of this situation, and to be quite frank, i've been nothing but golden to her. I get really depressed sometimes, and really all it does is make things even worse between us ... i have to be the rock, and i just can't do it all the time. I need a reason to be strong for her, and she can't even give me one.
I'm just ... lost in all of this ... i LOVE this girl and want it to work; however it seems so naive of me. I also, feel like walking away from her at this point would be the ultimate dick move. I have accepted the mantra of 'whatever happens happens' but it just is very disconcerting to have absolutely no control over what happens and at times.
TL;DR - UGH!
The situation is, i got engaged to my g/f back in february, and things have just gone down hill ever since. All she
had ever wanted was to get married, you could say she was a nagger about it; i heard about it everytime another friend of hers became engaged. It didn't bother me, as i knew, at some point i would buy her a ring. Now, i'm wondering if that was the right decision....
Synopsis: She's from Florida, has been living in Philly for about 4 years, we've been seeing each for two of them. She is severely homesick, and always has been. Her parents are in poor health, and some of her close friends have gone through major life events, that she has been unable to be there for, which she has always been 'that' friend.
Early last year, i offered to move back to Florida with her, and we were seriously considering it for awhile. She ultimately, decided that it's just 'nostalgia' and that there's 'nothing really there' for her to move back to (several friends moved away, no jobs, etc.) So that went on the back burner, and we've just been chugging along.
I want to say in June, she came to me about her depression. She is unhappy, basically all of the time. She has had a hard time making friends in Philadelphia. Meeting new people hasn't worked out for her. She had originally moved up here for a guy, and that almost immediately fell apart as soon as she got here. She found out he had been talking to other girls, getting nudes, essentially cheating on her, and he treated her like crap when they were together here. Often going out and just leaving her at home. So any people she knows from Florida that live in Philly, she doesn't have much contact with as they are either a) were never friends or b) they're friends with her ex . She is feeling very isolated and alone, her job is constant stress and a source of unhappiness, but she can't 'afford' to take other job offers she has received. Our relationship has deteriorated to the point that we are stuck in this 'routine' and there is little to no intimacy at all.
I blew up on her, early in July, when she had been out drinking with friends, came home late one night she passed out on the couch, then moved to our second bedroom at some point. I woke up and went to read in our living room, her phone kept blowing up. I ignored it for a while, it kept going off, i finally looked at it ... Text from ex-b/f saying 'i miss you too'. I didn't go 'off the handle', but i basically woke her up, tossed the phone at her and said
'well, that's cool.' We fought for a good two weeks or so after that, and eventually had a sit down and tried to work things out. ultimately she claims the conversation wasnt 'like that.' It's more of a just missing her friends, they were friends before they dated, and she just misses her friends. I asked her to just stop talking to him, which apparently she had been, for our whole
relationship. It made me unformtable, and i didn't say 'you can't talk to him anymore.' I more or less, just asked. As, i am not looking to 'control'
anyone, she's a grown adult and can do as she pleases.
She is basically saying to me, that she just needs 'space of her own', she's been actively seeking either a room to rent with friends, or really what she wants is an apartment of her own. SHe feels like she's never been 'on here own' and always been dependent upon somebody else. I've been as open minded in all of this as i can be as, i proposed to her, i want to marry her,
and ultimately i just want her to be 'happy.' It does however, piss me off, that she's willing to strap herself financially, and move out, and not consider
my financial state whatsoever, i've basically been treading water for a while in regards to debt, and even homebrewing can be tight financially for me
at times. I pay all of our living expenses, apart from groceries and for our dogs.
Fast forward a bit, and Several, of her 'moving' options all fell through, however, this ex-b/f, who she still talks to just so happens to need to someone to 'dog-sit' while he works a few days a week down at the Jersey shore. She was, obviously, cautious to bring this up to me, as she was concerned she'd either hurt me or pisse me off. i have been as easy going about everything as i possibly can, because, ultimately the more confrontational and whiny i am, the worse i make everything.
So i tell her to go for it, she's staying there like 3-4 nights a week, while i stay at home with our dogs.
I'm at a point where, i have no f****ng clue what to do and what to think. I 'feel' like this is the end, she just can't or doesn't want to admit it. I also feel like there's a chance she is seeing someone else. She has no affection, compassion, or empathy for my end of this situation, and to be quite frank, i've been nothing but golden to her. I get really depressed sometimes, and really all it does is make things even worse between us ... i have to be the rock, and i just can't do it all the time. I need a reason to be strong for her, and she can't even give me one.
I'm just ... lost in all of this ... i LOVE this girl and want it to work; however it seems so naive of me. I also, feel like walking away from her at this point would be the ultimate dick move. I have accepted the mantra of 'whatever happens happens' but it just is very disconcerting to have absolutely no control over what happens and at times.
TL;DR - UGH!