Official Chuck Norris Facts Thread

We know we all love Chuck Norris Facts. Post them if you know them.

Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker with the 2 of diamonds, Jack of clubs, Joker, Red 6 uno card, and a monopoly Get Out of Jail Free Card.

Chuck Norris went to Burger King and ordered a Big Mac. He got one.

My personal favorite-- Chuck Norris doesn't teabag people, he potato sacks them.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

If chuck norris read this and realized how ghey is was, his single tear would flood Jasper Indiana...



































(jk I love the CN mythology)

Chuck Norris has tears that can cure cancer...

Unfortunately, Chuck Norris never cries

Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong to a 'who has more testicles contest'. Chuck Norris won by 3.

chuck norris can win a game of connect four in three moves

chuck norris doesn't get laid, laid gets chucked

Chuck Norris once sat on a rainbow and Skittles popped out.
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oh, wait. That's not right. Something went wrong there.

Chuck Norris didn't realize it was still 2005...

Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

If you play Led Zepplin's Stairway to heaven backwards, you hear Chuck Norris banging your sister.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity.... Twice.

there is no chin behind Chuck Norris's beard, just another fist

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.


There is no evolution, just creatures Chuck Norris allows to live

Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas to bed.

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side

The Boogie man looks under his bed for Chuck Norris.

If you and chuck both had $5 Chuck would have more money than you.

Chuck Norris never has to complain about not getting enough "grilled cheese sandwiches"

dataz722 said:

Chuck Norris never has to complain about not getting enough "grilled cheese sandwiches"

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:rockin::rockin:

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom, there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

Horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris does not go hunting because the word Hunting implies the chance of failure, Chuck Norris goes killing

Chuck Norris masterbates to pictures of Chuck Norris

Ceedubya said:

Chuck Norris masterbates to pictures of Chuck Norris

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That is slightly disturbing.

dataz722 said:

That is slightly disturbing.

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Chuck Norris just gave Data a roundhouse kick to the face for disrespecting Chuck Norris.

If Jack Bauer didn't have to follow gov't rules, the show would be called "2"

oh wait, wrong thread...

AZ_IPA said:

If Jack Bauer didn't have to follow gov't rules, the show would be called "2"

oh wait, wrong thread...

Click to expand...

Chuck Norris was originally cast in 24 but he kept killing the terrorists in under 10 minutes.

Ceedubya said:

Chuck Norris was originally cast in 24 but he kept killing the terrorists in under 10 minutes.

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nice! nice!

My all time favorite. (Must be the engineer in me.)

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter

Chuck Norris is sooooo fast. When Chuck is at a race, racecar is spelled backwards.

Chuck Norris invented the 5 o'clock shadow only to shave it off, because he could.

Chuck Norris once skinned a live rattlesnake to use its skin as a condom

Chuck Norris once at three 72 oz steaks in an hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with waitress.

I once stood on a bridge with Chuck Norris when we both had to take a leak. We both unzipped and got to work, peeing over the edge into the water below. About half way through I said "Chuck" (he lets me call him Chuck), I said "Chuck, that water down there sure is cold", Chuck Norris looks at me and says "yeah, its deep too"

Ceedubya said:

Chuck Norris once skinned a live rattlesnake to use its skin as a condom

Click to expand...

Chuck Norris bathes in rattlesnake venom and lava alternately.

Chuck Norris's Dick is so big its already ****ing a girl next week.

Chuck Norris's Dick is so big clowns climb out of it when he cums.

Chuck Norri's Dick is so big he has to use a hula hoop for a cock rong

Chuck Norris knows what Willis was talkin' about

A Chuck Norris thread.....I knew it had to be somewhere.

rico567 said:

A Chuck Norris thread.....I knew it had to be somewhere.

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Chuck Norris will roundhouse kick any forum which does not have an official Chuck Norris thread. Look it up, its the law.

Jesus turned water into wine then Chuck turned it into a IIPA.

Chuck norris IS Jesus.

Chuck Norris doesn't own a watch...He decides what time it is.

I tried to google "Chuck Norris" and my computer punched me in the face.