Beer Joke:

Q: Why does Belgium give the world such great beers?

A: To try and make up for also giving us those annoying little blue bastards! *



*(for those of you who don't know, the Smurfs are also Belgian)

If you have to explain the joke, it's not funny.

It wasn't funny anyway...

html034 said:

If you have to explain the joke, it's not funny.

Click to expand...

BrookdaleBrew said:

It wasn't funny anyway...

Click to expand...

agreed. Plus the smurfs are awesome.

anyone have better beer jokes?

Someone just sent me this one, I edited it to be about beer.

A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.
The Doctor told him there is a simple formal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens."
Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what beer do we have in the fridge?"
No response.
So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Honey, what beer do we have in the fridge?"

Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, 'Honey, what beer do we have in the fridge?"

Again he gets no response.
So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what beer do we have in the fridge?"
Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her. 'Honey, what beer do we have in the fridge?"

"Ralph , for the FIFTH time, JUST SOME STUPID HOMEBREW!

Ok, lame but still probably better than the first.

jgln said:

Someone just sent me this one, I edited it to be about beer.

A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.
The Doctor told him there is a simple formal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens."
Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what beer do we have in the fridge?"
No response.
So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Honey, what beer do we have in the fridge?"

Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, 'Honey, what beer do we have in the fridge?"

Again he gets no response.
So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what beer do we have in the fridge?"
Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her. 'Honey, what beer do we have in the fridge?"

"Ralph , for the FIFTH time, JUST SOME STUPID HOMEBREW!

Ok, lame but still probably better than the first.

Click to expand...

Yeah, that one was funny. Bonus: you didn't have to explain it

The Beer Prayer

Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk),
At home as it is in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillage,
As we forgive those who spill against
us.
And lead us not to incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.
For thine is the beer, the bitter, and
the lager.

Barmen

BEER TROUBLESHOOTING
SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.

SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.

Guilty........

A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving all over the road. Eventually a cop pulls him over.

"Did you know," says the cop, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"

"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."