My gravity didn't fall

My new "assistant" misread the hydrometer.... I brewed a batch of all grain Porter and took a reading after a week and a half in the fermenter...well, I had my "assistant" read it to me. I understood it to be 1.013...SUPER...so I transferred to secondary. Took a reading after 5 days...to my surprise it's only 1.03....started at 1.060.
This is calculating to unacceptable ABV. My brewhouse efficiency was only about 70% to begin with as I tried a new sparge method that I won't use again...
What can I do? I've never had this problem.....so I'm clueless.

If it was still fermenting, you should still have plenty of yeast in suspension; leave it alone.

If it got cold, the yeast may have dropped and you left the majority of the yeast in the primary. If that is the case, you need to add new yeast. Need to make a starter to get sufficient yeast. Since you now have alcohol and have consumed the O2, any new yeast will not multiply if pitched directly.

For new yeast, you could get a new smack-pak, OR, rack the beer again, and make a starter with the yeast left on the bottom of the fermenter and add back.

Lay off on your assistant, man. Transferring to secondary didn't stop your fermentation, something else did. There's still enough yeast in there to ferment, and the yeast that was at the bottom had already flocced out anyway.

There are a million threads with tips to restart a stalled fermentation, but the first thing to do is to give your bottle a bit of agitation and to bump the temp up a couple of degrees. If this doesn't get things started, post back and then you can start considering more dramatic

Well, I moved it to a warmer climate, agitated it and waited a week and no change to the reading. So I pitched a starter batch of Safeale at 70 and waited till today. I had some immediate activity in the airlock but it was gone in about 24 hours. My reading today is slightly better at 1.025 but no where near. And it has a bit of a vinegar taste now..... I think I'm acetal contaminated..... Should I bother with putting this in a keg with sugar for carbing and let it sit hoping the "green" effect goes away or just pitch it?

The "assistant" is most unhappy....really likes a porter and this has a great aftertaste.....:cross:

I really doubt what you are tasting is acetic acid from acetobacter. If anything, you are tasting green beer.

What was the recipe here? If it's a porter it might just be done at 1.025, especially if you are not accounting for whatever temperature you are above 60F.

Is your new "assistant" hot? Forgive and forget. If not, brew solo.