Mistakes in Parenting

Sounds like "cats in the cradle". Glad my job doesn't keep my from the moments I want to be there for, for the most part.

Fortunately for me, I have all week to be a bad dad since my fiancee is out of town for the week. How many mistakes can I make?

So we have a small backyard. Just big enough for a small deck to Bbq on (/dry brew kettles after a brew session) and a hot tub.

My daughter (who is one hell of a swimmer nowadays/ she's 10) was not even 6 months old when I turned the heat on the HT down the mid 90's and introduced her to the water. At the age of 9 months she would hold her breath and curl up into a ball and sink to the bottom of the tub and wait until her natural buoyancy brought her back to the surface. She loved being naked all the time before she went to school including in the hot tub. She always wanted me to be naked too, and being the liberal CA hippy I am I figured it was harmless.

She has always been very verbal and always eager to try out new vocabulary words. My wife is a teacher and believes in answering questions straight: (I'm getting out of the shower) "Mom? What's that?" "It's a penis honey".

So one day my daughter was 3 and we were in the hot tub. Of course in full voice she says with 3 year old enthusiasm: "Dad, you have a nice penis!"

I hear my neighbor from the other side of the fence about 20' away say: "Calling CPS!"

Needless to say that was the last time we did the naked in the hot tub thing.

jbaysurfer said:

I'm confused. Not sure whether it was the fish having a seizure or the burning bees?

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the bees are on fire and covering the fish whom is flopping as though out of water while having a seizure and rolling to try to put out the bees on fire.

madscientist451 said:

My biggest parenting mistake was when the kids were young I was running my own business and was a total workaholic. I did take time to coach soccer for 7+ years with all three kids, spent time teaching them how to ski and went to the beach every summer, but still I worked late most nights instead of getting my ass home and playing with them and spending time with them.

Now they are 20 somethings and teenagers and hanging with dad isn't cool and they moving away. You can't get the years back, once they're gone they're gone. You can always make a buck later after they've left.

Sorry, just my 2 cents.

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Oof. That's some heavy stuff right there. Words to live by.

I'm gonna go hug my son...

This was just a dream. I woke up in terror, but this is a dream.

My two year old was driving. He's been talking about it a lot. Next thing I know my entire family is dead in a car accident.

I woke up and hugged them all when they were sleeping, but couldn't get back to bed.

Who's ready for a long day with me? Woohoo!

Note: He's been trying to let himself out the backdoor all morning. I can hear him playing with the handle. I will investigate shortly.

afro_lou said:

Oof. That's some heavy stuff right there. Words to live by.

I'm gonna go hug my son...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUwjNBjqR-c

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Oh hell. For whatever reason I hit play...

I'm going back to bed. To sad.

Oh, and not a mistake, but my kids have been eating cake for breakfast every morning since Sunday (the day after my Bday.).

Two things at my wife's company picnic on Friday. It was at a local baseball game.

We were sitting at the table with my wife's boss and some of her co-workers, my 2 year old girl is sitting there mowing down a hot dog and I come back with beers for my wife and I.

Little girl looks at my mom's boss and says "My daddy make beer! I wike a beer! MMMMMMMM!"

Later on, my kid is just going nuts, running up and down the stairs and stuff. I turned around for 2 seconds to answer a question someone asked and she had somehow crawled up on a ~4' ledge and was standing on the edge dancing or something stupid.

Immediately as I see this, a security guard grabs her and hands her to me.

"Is she with you?"

"Yeah... sorry."

"Please be more careful."

Austin said:

Oh, and not a mistake, but my kids have been eating cake for breakfast every morning since Sunday (the day after my Bday.).

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LOL...I used to be really uptight about that one, but one time we were on vacation, before wife and I got married. Her daughter was eating ice cream for breakfast, and I was like "really? you let her eat ice cream for breakfast" she looked at me with 'the look' and said "well, you let your daughter eat a doughnut or sugary cereal, what's the difference? Ice cream is dairy, egg, sugar. Cereal is dairy, grain, sugar, etc."
So now, especially on vacation, we eat whatever. LOL

Sigh....Love those moments where you know you have been bested by a more intelligent argument.

Cake is dairy, grain, sugar....it works. They'll be fine.

Dad is great! Gives us chocolate cake!

Homercidal said:

Dad is great! Gives us chocolate cake!

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"With grapefruit juice."

beernbourbon said:

LOL...I used to be really uptight about that one, but one time we were on vacation, before wife and I got married. Her daughter was eating ice cream for breakfast, and I was like "really? you let her eat ice cream for breakfast" she looked at me with 'the look' and said "well, you let your daughter eat a doughnut or sugary cereal, what's the difference? Ice cream is dairy, egg, sugar. Cereal is dairy, grain, sugar, etc."
So now, especially on vacation, we eat whatever. LOL

Sigh....Love those moments where you know you have been bested by a more intelligent argument.

Cake is dairy, grain, sugar....it works. They'll be fine.

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Agreed. I do ice cream from time to time. We don't keep it in the house. I'm lactose tolerant and have no self control.

Homercidal said:

Dad is great! Gives us chocolate cake!

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And that's why my wife gets mad at me. "They love you. Cake, Donuts, fun things in the morning.".

My thought is if she didn't just sit in her chair and complain about being tired she could do the same thing. We wake up differently is all.

gratus fermentatio said:

"With grapefruit juice."

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Gross. No.

Psylocide said:

Two things at my wife's company picnic on Friday. It was at a local baseball game.

We were sitting at the table with my wife's boss and some of her co-workers, my 2 year old girl is sitting there mowing down a hot dog and I come back with beers for my wife and I.

Little girl looks at my mom's boss and says "My daddy make beer! I wike a beer! MMMMMMMM!"

Later on, my kid is just going nuts, running up and down the stairs and stuff. I turned around for 2 seconds to answer a question someone asked and she had somehow crawled up on a ~4' ledge and was standing on the edge dancing or something stupid.

Immediately as I see this, a security guard grabs her and hands her to me.

"Is she with you?"

"Yeah... sorry."

"Please be more careful."

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Missed this, just saw it.

So my kids too tell everyone I make beer (wine more than anything else recently) and I let them try it. There's not been a beer or wine I've made thayt the kids haven't at least tasted. I don't want them doing the American early teenager black out drinking thing so I'm exposing them to responsible drinking now. Kind of destroying the mystery behind it. Anywho..

I'm making mixerd drinks last night. I have a nice bottle of Amsterdam Vodka, and I'm mixing it with coke. My daughter says "Can I try that?" I belly laugh,

"No oh oh oh. Oh no.".

"Why not?".

"Yeah why not?" my wife pipes from the living room.

"Fine just a sip then." I say as I pass it to her.

"Blah! That taste like rubbing alcohol!".

Why yes, yes it does.

Austin said:

Missed this, just saw it.

So my kids too tell everyone I make beer (wine more than anything else recently) and I let them try it. There's not been a beer or wine I've made thayt the kids haven't at least tasted. I don't want them doing the American early teenager black out drinking thing so I'm exposing them to responsible drinking now. Kind of destroying the mystery behind it. Anywho..

I'm making mixerd drinks last night. I have a nice bottle of Amsterdam Vodka, and I'm mixing it with coke. My daughter says "Can I try that?" I belly laugh,

"No oh oh oh. Oh no.".

"Why not?".

"Yeah why not?" my wife pipes from the living room.

"Fine just a sip then." I say as I pass it to her.

"Blah! That taste like rubbing alcohol!".

Why yes, yes it does.

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Yeah... so far I've really only let her sniff the airlock and whatnot. Maybe when she's a little older she can taste it.

I'm assuming you have kids that are older than 2. Haha.

Psylocide said:

Yeah... so far I've really only let her sniff the airlock and whatnot. Maybe when she's a little older she can taste it.

I'm assuming you have kids that are older than 2. Haha.

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7 and 3. It's the 7 year old who is interested. For whatever reason I get these flashes of good looking blonde girls from my early years being super irresponsible and although that often worked out really great for the hormone driven males in the group (everyone) I, for some reason, don't want my cute blonde daughter taking the same path.

Wonder what's up with that huh?

Austin said:

Missed this, just saw it.

So my kids too tell everyone I make beer (wine more than anything else recently) and I let them try it. There's not been a beer or wine I've made thayt the kids haven't at least tasted. I don't want them doing the American early teenager black out drinking thing so I'm exposing them to responsible drinking now. Kind of destroying the mystery behind it. Anywho..

I'm making mixerd drinks last night. I have a nice bottle of Amsterdam Vodka, and I'm mixing it with coke. My daughter says "Can I try that?" I belly laugh,

"No oh oh oh. Oh no.".

"Why not?".

"Yeah why not?" my wife pipes from the living room.

"Fine just a sip then." I say as I pass it to her.

"Blah! That taste like rubbing alcohol!".

Why yes, yes it does.

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I have always let me 2 kids (8 & 5) try everything I make. They usually help in the beer & wine making and bottling processes. It is time well spent with my kids.
I also let them try my whiskey when I have a glass.
it is always just once and they always hate it. But I like to instill the idea that we try foods to broaden our palate.

Last week at my wife's coworkers picnic I was drinking someone's homemade punch (non alcoholic). I leaned over to both kids and told them to try.
My 5 year old before drinking "what is this beer?"
My 8 year old " I am tired of always having to drink your beer dad"!

I got looks from many, many people.
But later one of the fathers came over and told me he was a homebrewer, so not everyone there thought I was failure as a parent!

gratus fermentatio said:

"With grapefruit juice."

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That sketch started our family tradition of being able to have your B-Day cake for breakfast the next day

Both of my daughters will sip my wife's wine, 13 and 16. Oldest is gluten intolerant so she won't come near beer, the younger one just got her first sip of beer last week and hated it. Excellent. My little guy just likes to smell it for some reason. He does that to my coffee too.

Austin said:

Missed this, just saw it.

So my kids too tell everyone I make beer (wine more than anything else recently) and I let them try it. There's not been a beer or wine I've made thayt the kids haven't at least tasted. I don't want them doing the American early teenager black out drinking thing so I'm exposing them to responsible drinking now. Kind of destroying the mystery behind it. Anywho..

I'm making mixerd drinks last night. I have a nice bottle of Amsterdam Vodka, and I'm mixing it with coke. My daughter says "Can I try that?" I belly laugh,

"No oh oh oh. Oh no.".

"Why not?".

"Yeah why not?" my wife pipes from the living room.

"Fine just a sip then." I say as I pass it to her.

"Blah! That taste like rubbing alcohol!".

Why yes, yes it does.

Click to expand...

Why does she know what rubbing alcohol tastes like? Is she drinking that when she gets the shakes? Kidding.

I too will probably let my kid and any future kids have a sip. As it stands right now giving beer to a 16 month old would probably be frowned upon.

Marc77 said:

Why does she know what rubbing alcohol tastes like? Is she drinking that when she gets the shakes? Kidding.

I too will probably let my kid and any future kids have a sip. As it stands right now giving beer to a 16 month old would probably be frowned upon.

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We just call it "night-night Juice".
It is how us parents get 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep and maintain our sanity!

So I had a bday over the weekend. I decided on my Bday I was done destroying my body and have been eliminating the excess chemicals I enjoy starting with the absurd amount of coffee I drink.

So I'm tired. Super tired.

"Dad can we have cheetos for breakfast?".

"Store brand only. Your taste buds aren't up yet and I'm not wasting money on name brands this early.".

"God Dad you say that about everything!".

Crunch, crunch, crunch "Mom never lets us eat Cheetos for breakfast!"

"Those are off brand bacon flavored cheeseballs. Call them what they are honey.".

"OK Dad.".

I think if your kids end up normal you've failed them. They all need a good "When I was a kid story" that once they tell it in public people look at them with that

"You know that's not normal right?" look.

I often burst into their rooms put on a karate demonstration and leave without ever saying a word. I suggest you all do the same.

Austin said:

I often burst into their rooms put on a karate demonstration and leave without ever saying a word. I suggest you all do the same.

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Suggestion, Noted.

Austin said:

So I had a bday over the weekend. I decided on my Bday I was done destroying my body and have been eliminating the excess chemicals I enjoy starting with the absurd amount of coffee I drink.

So I'm tired. Super tired.

"Dad can we have cheetos for breakfast?".

"Store brand only. Your taste buds aren't up yet and I'm not wasting money on name brands this early.".

"God Dad you say that about everything!".

Crunch, crunch, crunch "Mom never lets us eat Cheetos for breakfast!"

"Those are off brand bacon flavored cheeseballs. Call them what they are honey.".

"OK Dad.".

I think if your kids end up normal you've failed them. They all need a good "When I was a kid story" that once they tell it in public people look at them with that

"You know that's not normal right?" look.

I often burst into their rooms put on a karate demonstration and leave without ever saying a word. I suggest you all do the same.

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Ha. Agreed.

However, if I burst in to my daughter's room doing karate, I'm likely to get smacked with whatever long object she's carrying around for a sword on that particular day.

Too many Samurai anime/movies + watching dad train = 2 year old blademaster.

Austin said:

So I had a bday over the weekend. I decided on my Bday I was done destroying my body and have been eliminating the excess chemicals I enjoy starting with the absurd amount of coffee I drink.

So I'm tired. Super tired.

"Dad can we have cheetos for breakfast?".

"Store brand only. Your taste buds aren't up yet and I'm not wasting money on name brands this early.".

"God Dad you say that about everything!".

Crunch, crunch, crunch "Mom never lets us eat Cheetos for breakfast!"

"Those are off brand bacon flavored cheeseballs. Call them what they are honey.".

"OK Dad.".

I think if your kids end up normal you've failed them. They all need a good "When I was a kid story" that once they tell it in public people look at them with that

"You know that's not normal right?" look.

I often burst into their rooms put on a karate demonstration and leave without ever saying a word. I suggest you all do the same.

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With coffee cold turkey is bad news. Besides, coffee is amazing.

I say that is good parenting. Kids should be embarassed by their parents. They should also be confused about your behavior. Since kids confuse their parents its only fair to return the favor.

Psylocide said:

Ha. Agreed.

However, if I burst in to my daughter's room doing karate, I'm likely to get smacked with whatever long object she's carrying around for a sword on that particular day.

Too many Samurai anime/movies + watching dad train = 2 year old blademaster.

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I have a similar issues.



These are just mine. They both have a couple in their room for when things get a little to real. We often launch night raids against the force known as Mom.

DrunkleJon said:

With coffee cold turkey is bad news. Besides, coffee is amazing.

I say that is good parenting. Kids should be embarassed by their parents. They should also be confused about your behavior. Since kids confuse their parents its only fair to return the favor.

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I've had 2 cups, just not 12.

Austin said:

I have a similar issues.

View attachment 286681​

These are just mine. They both have a couple in their room for when things get a little to real. We often launch night raids against the force known as Mom.

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Where did you get the little bokken? You could do some damage with that, lol.

My kids are 20 and 22 now. My goal in life for their entire teenage years was to embarrass them whenever possible. Preferably when they had friends around. I still do it, but now they do it back to me as well.

It's fun, and it keeps them on their toes. I suggest everyone try it.

Some fun activities include:

• Yelling 'Make good choices!' as they get out of the car when dropping them off somewhere.
• Wearing your Star Trek bathrobe (science version - of course) around the house when they have friends around.
• Asking for a hug whenever they leave the house, or the room.
• Constantly trying to high five or fist-bump with them over any little event (ie feeding the dog, mowing the lawn, etc...).
• Mispronouncing their favorite band (ie Foo Fighters = Food Fighters). I also make fun of Dave Groll's beard.
• Ask if they are listening to Britney Spears whenever you see them using their iPod.
• Call Rap music Rap and Roll music.
• Start every sentence with 'You kids and your...' as in 'You kids and you're rap and roll music!'.
• Add 'The' to every website name...as in 'Are you on The Facebook?'.
• Wearing 'Dad clothes' in public.

I hope they pass on the tradition to their children.

b-boy said:

My kids are 20 and 22 now. My goal in life for their entire teenage years was to embarrass them whenever possible. Preferably when they had friends around. I still do it, but now they do it back to me as well.

It's fun, and it keeps them on their toes. I suggest everyone try it.

Some fun activities include:

• Yelling 'Make good choices!' as they get out of the car when dropping them off somewhere.
• Wearing your Star Trek bathrobe (science version - of course) around the house when they have friends around.
• Asking for a hug whenever they leave the house, or the room.
• Constantly trying to high five or fist-bump with them over any little event (ie feeding the dog, mowing the lawn, etc...).
• Mispronouncing their favorite band (ie Foo Fighters = Food Fighters). I also make fun of Dave Groll's beard.
• Ask if they are listening to Britney Spears whenever you see them using their iPod.
• Call Rap music Rap and Roll music.
• Start every sentence with 'You kids and your...' as in 'You kids and you're rap and roll music!'.
• Add 'The' to every website name...as in 'Are you on The Facebook?'.
• Wearing 'Dad clothes' in public.

I hope they pass on the tradition to their children.

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My parents were all stars at the embarassing their kids thing.

Grocery store, dad was in the car, mom and I were heading out with the food and my dad opened the door started honking the horn and shouting "I'm over here! I am over here! Hey! over here!!!"

For my cousins prom we packed the whole family up, dressed in our best redneck costumes, blacked out teeth, put on fake southern accents and drove over to meet her date.

Psylocide said:

Where did you get the little bokken? You could do some damage with that, lol.

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My brother. He's 27. When he comes over we have epic sword fights. Those bokkens (he has one too) got retired when he got hit in the wrist and spent an hour debating going to the hospital. He didn't as we both decided that would be a ***** move.

Quick story, my brother is a waiter. He was at work making a shield out of cardboard which raised the curiosity of people around him.

"What are you doing Trav?"

"I'm going to my brother's house after work so I'm making a shield.".

"What do you mean?"

"You don't have a brother do you?".

We have fought and will continue to do so till one of us is in the ground. Last man standing is the winner.

b-boy said:

My kids are 20 and 22 now. My goal in life for their entire teenage years was to embarrass them whenever possible. Preferably when they had friends around. I still do it, but now they do it back to me as well.

It's fun, and it keeps them on their toes. I suggest everyone try it.

Some fun activities include:

• Yelling 'Make good choices!' as they get out of the car when dropping them off somewhere.
• Wearing your Star Trek bathrobe (science version - of course) around the house when they have friends around.
• Asking for a hug whenever they leave the house, or the room.
• Constantly trying to high five or fist-bump with them over any little event (ie feeding the dog, mowing the lawn, etc...).
• Mispronouncing their favorite band (ie Foo Fighters = Food Fighters). I also make fun of Dave Groll's beard.
• Ask if they are listening to Britney Spears whenever you see them using their iPod.
• Call Rap music Rap and Roll music.
• Start every sentence with 'You kids and your...' as in 'You kids and you're rap and roll music!'.
• Add 'The' to every website name...as in 'Are you on The Facebook?'.
• Wearing 'Dad clothes' in public.

I hope they pass on the tradition to their children.

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I do all these things and my 7 and 2 year old love it.

My Daughter is playing COD Black OPs 2 a lot with me. We were playing the other night and she got attacked and I had to go revive her, but not before she screamed out "Oh come on mother _____!". I paused, turned to her, and after I got done laughing I said,

"Only COD, Only when Mom isn't around.".

"What about Minecraft?"

"OK, only when you're playing video games, only when mom's not around. Don't use derogatory words (I use one I'm not proud of. It starts with F. I don't mean it any sort of negative way.). ".

So my son comes to me this morning. "Hungry" with a jar of Miracle Whip in his hands.



Good luck buddy. Miracle Whip is gross. Mayo on the other hand...

No kids here, but I enjoy lurking, reading everyone's stories!

When our oldest was a preschooler, we decided the lesser of two evils was to put the cheerios box where he could reach it and help himself. Being woken at 5 am every day because he was hungry vs. the resulting mess of him helping himself.

My son has discovered Power Rangers, has decided he's the black ranger, and I've never been more proud. I don't know a lot about Power Rangers, as it came along past the time I would have enjoyed it, but now everything he owns has been repurposed as some implement or another from that universe.

He can have whatever he wants, and can reach most of it.

That's what he chose.

Like, it was cereal, applesauce, Cheetos, or Miracle Whip in his mind.

He's had all four now.

Austin said:

So my son comes to me this morning. "Hungry" with a jar of Miracle Whip in his hands.

View attachment 287670

Good luck buddy. Miracle Whip is gross. Mayo on the other hand...

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"There's something wrong about this pudding."

"It's mayonnaise."

"Right then." (continues eating)

Austin said:

He can have whatever he wants, and can reach most of it.

That's what he chose.

Like, it was cereal, applesauce, Cheetos, or Miracle Whip in his mind.

He's had all four now.

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We've educated our 9 and 6 year old about the microwave and what is NOT meant to microwave and have also kept a electric kettle (after teaching them to not fill the kettle while plugged) within their reach for the oatmeals and ramens. We also keep the toaster within their reach. And we allow them to use them at will. The 6 year old has learned to delegate by means of improvised ignorance.

In other words, he gets the 9 yo to do the "cooking" by claiming he doesn't remember the rules.

We are okay with this arrangement because we have always included them in daily meal preparations and are certain they understand the dangers involved with cooking and thus are confident they will not push their boundaries (by using the stove or oven).

However, this does not stop me from worrying that one day I'll find the microwave smoked because someone forgot a spoon or fork.

yeah..... microwaves are an interesting kitchen 'utensil'..... 14 yo at the time, wanted to heat up his hot chocolate when he got home from school one day.
Ever seen what a stainless steel mug does to the inside of a microwave? Of course, he tried to clean it and pass it off as nothing.

Um...what's that smell?
Why are there black marks inside the microwave?
uh, why doesn't the microwave turn on?

1977Brewer said:

My son has discovered Power Rangers, has decided he's the black ranger, and I've never been more proud. I don't know a lot about Power Rangers, as it came along past the time I would have enjoyed it, but now everything he owns has been repurposed as some implement or another from that universe.

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This morning at 6:30 am I got a 15 minute dissertation on the differences between Minecraft and 5 Nights at Freddie's as I drank my morning coffee.

My kid knows his stuff, but still have no idea what he was talking about!

beernbourbon said:

yeah..... microwaves are an interesting kitchen 'utensil'..... 14 yo at the time, wanted to heat up his hot chocolate when he got home from school one day.
Ever seen what a stainless steel mug does to the inside of a microwave? Of course, he tried to clean it and pass it off as nothing.

Um...what's that smell?
Why are there black marks inside the microwave?
uh, why doesn't the microwave turn on?

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Yeah. Drove the NO METAL point home with both of them by showing them what happens to aluminum foil in a old cup heater microwave (small) we were disposing of. Took it outside in the driveway with an extension cord and let it rip.

Terrified and amazed they were.

Pyg said:

This morning at 6:30 am I got a 15 minute dissertation on the differences between Minecraft and 5 Nights at Freddie's as I drank my morning coffee.

My kid knows his stuff, but still have no idea what he was talking about!

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Worse is when they start to learn about mods and expect you to have a damned clue how that stuff is supposed to work.

GilaMinumBeer said:

"There's something wrong about this pudding."

"It's mayonnaise."

"Right then." (continues eating)

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"You do realize to get clean clothes you actually *HAVE* to wash them?"