Twilight.....dear GOD....

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cheezydemon3

cheezydemon3

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SO.....the neighbors take their 9 year old daughter to the NEW Breaking Dawn movie.....poor judgement?

Unquestionably, but maybe not because of sexuality or violence (PG-13) but I am more concerne dabout the pure ****** factor that the child has been exposed to.

She ( said 9 year old) comes over to our house gushing about how awesome the movie was. FINE.

The first one comes on as SWMBO and I are flipping through channels, and we stop to watch the train wreck for a minute.........you know, the TOTALLY AWESOME part where the whole vamp family dresses up in cheezy baseball uniforms for a day of play?.......only to have it ruined by the metrosexually mean other vampires????

Then dude(male lead vampire edward something) is driving Bella away from those bad vibes, and he is STILL wearing the freakishly stupid baseball shirt.

THERE ARE 4 OF THESE MOVIES?????

I watched the first one and stayed awake, we started another one where some evil girl was swimming around freakishly fast........WTF????


That one ended with a version of "Interview with the vampire for non-intellectuals" where such scary metrosexual bloodsuckers as dakota Fanning tried to convince us that there is some organized vampire kingdom of supreme vampire *****ebags.
 
The twilight movies are just a story about a girl who must choose between beastiality and necrophillia.
 
509inc said:
The twilight movies are just a story about a girl who must choose between beastiality and necrophillia.
Click to expand...

To have it summed up so simply, you should write the Cliff's Notes.
 
SWMBO made me watch the earlier ones too. On top of being ridiculous, I hate how the actors feel the need to make one little chuckle after everything they say. I dunno - maybe teenagers really talk like that but I found it really annoying.

I started laughing when the werewolves were snarling and growling because I wanted to poke them in the ribs and snap my fingers like Cesar Milan and go "Shh!"
 
My problem with it is the women my age (early 30's) gushing about it and posting their midnight viewing thoughts on Facebook, and saying how sexy/hot Jacob or Edward is. Seriously? If there were 30 year old men, staying up late at night to watch a movie about teenage girls and saying how sexy they are, they'd get arrested for being pervs. I think Buffy should come back for a day and end this mess as soon as possible.
 
“Harry Potter is about confronting fears, finding inner strength and doing what is right in the face of adversity. Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend.”
― Stephen King
 
From what I remember from the second one, I think the guy thought the girl was dead (but she really wasn't) and then, being so distraught over that, he goes to kill himself.

First, where have I heard that storyline before? Second, are they seriously telling teenage girls that, "hey, the guy who loves you so much that he'll kill himself if he loses you, that's the good one.". WTF?
 
BulldogBrewer said:
“Harry Potter is about confronting fears, finding inner strength and doing what is right in the face of adversity. Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend.”
― Stephen King
Click to expand...

Is this for real? I mean, he actually said that?

If so I need to mail Mr. King a beer.
 
My wife is one of those posting her thoughts about it on facebook. I'm ashamed. She actually put glitter on her face when she watched it.

I thought it would be a nice trip to drive around the Olympic peninsula and camp a few days this past summer. Little did I know that my wife only wanted to visit a little meth town called Forks, WA.

I need a lawyer!
 
JonM said:
From what I remember from the second one, I think the guy thought the girl was dead (but she really wasn't) and then, being so distraught over that, he goes to kill himself.

First, where have I heard that storyline before? Second, are they seriously telling teenage girls that, "hey, the guy who loves you so much that he'll kill himself if he loses you, that's the good one.". WTF?
Click to expand...

Aside from the typical "there are only seven stories ever told", there has been loads of plagiarism claims against Meyers.

paulster2626 said:
Is this for real? I mean, he actually said that?

If so I need to mail Mr. King a beer.
Click to expand...

Yup. King quote.
 
MyNameIsPaul said:
My problem with it is the women my age (early 30's) gushing about it and posting their midnight viewing thoughts on Facebook, and saying how sexy/hot Jacob or Edward is. Seriously? If there were 30 year old men, staying up late at night to watch a movie about teenage girls and saying how sexy they are, they'd get arrested for being pervs. I think Buffy should come back for a day and end this mess as soon as possible.
Click to expand...

Lucky for us Lolita put a stop to that.

seabass07 said:
My wife is one of those posting her thoughts about it on facebook. I'm ashamed. She actually put glitter on her face when she watched it.

I thought it would be a nice trip to drive around the Olympic peninsula and camp a few days this past summer. Little did I know that my wife only wanted to visit a little meth town called Forks, WA.

I need a lawyer!
Click to expand...

They have a documentary on it. It's called the real forks. I have plenty of real forks in my drawer that would be far more interesting.

JonM said:
Haha! "I'm a 100-year-old immortal with a perfect body and a perfect soul. I think I'll go hang out with an annoying high school chick."

How Twilight Works - The Oatmeal
Click to expand...

I love you werepig.
 
cheezydemon3 said:
SO.....the neighbors take their 9 year old daughter to the NEW Breaking Dawn movie.....poor judgement?

Unquestionably, but maybe not because of sexuality or violence (PG-13) but I am more concerne dabout the pure ****** factor that the child has been exposed to.

She ( said 9 year old) comes over to our house gushing about how awesome the movie was. FINE.

The first one comes on as SWMBO and I are flipping through channels, and we stop to watch the train wreck for a minute.........you know, the TOTALLY AWESOME part where the whole vamp family dresses up in cheezy baseball uniforms for a day of play?.......only to have it ruined by the metrosexually mean other vampires????

Then dude(male lead vampire edward something) is driving Bella away from those bad vibes, and he is STILL wearing the freakishly stupid baseball shirt.

THERE ARE 4 OF THESE MOVIES?????

I watched the first one and stayed awake, we started another one where some evil girl was swimming around freakishly fast........WTF????


That one ended with a version of "Interview with the vampire for non-intellectuals" where such scary metrosexual bloodsuckers as dakota Fanning tried to convince us that there is some organized vampire kingdom of supreme vampire *****ebags.
Click to expand...


Trust me, the ****** factor of these novels is nothing compared to the other issues these books have, like racism, homophobia, and the general "emotionally abusive relationships are OK because it's TWUE LURVE!!!1!11!".
 
KFH said:
Trust me, the ****** factor of these novels is nothing compared to the other issues these books have, like racism, homophobia, and the general "emotionally abusive relationships are OK because it's TWUE LURVE!!!1!11!".
Click to expand...

And the whole selling-sex-to-kids thing that is apparently okay because Edward is magically neutered or something.
 
I very seldom let myself get bent out of shape by fads intended for teens or kids, seeing as how I probably still have an MC Hammer cassette in a box somewhere... but there is just something insipid about this one. Logical inconsistancies aside, the main character of Twilight is not just an apparent attempt to set the women's liberation movement back about 50 years, but she's also a putrid person to begin with. Any sequence where there is a hazard of any kind, she not only fails to do anything to help herself, but she actually makes her saviors's job of saving her worthless hide more difficult. Ever see that one chick at the bar who pulls her boyfriend into a fight with some other guy over a spilled drink or a smudged shoe, and both guys look at each other like "whats this about, why are we mad?".... thats her... but without facial expressions.

So lets see, we have a few completely inept actors, a few decent actors (brohim you played Cedric Diggory for cripes sake, do you need the payday this bad?) who are weighed down by a nonsensical plot and horrid directing, an an almost brain-washing morality system akin to the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. I think this franchise showed up at my door at 930am on a Saturday to give me some literature and "a positive message."

Yes, I get it, no premarital sex. Its the underlying message of the whole travesty of a movie in the first one, and even more going forward. If I have a kid and at 16 they come up to me "Dad, I kind of want to have underaged sex just to piss the writer of Twilight off" Id discourage them, but I wouldnt be able to fault their logic.

Oh, and Id like to hit Kristen Stewart (I think thats her name), both whilst she is in character and whilst she is out of character in the face with a salmon when she opens her mouth. Maybe that will get a facial expression out of her. Her face will say "oh. my. I just got hit in the face with a salmon."
 
paulster2626 said:
BulldogBrewer said:
“Harry Potter is about confronting fears, finding inner strength and doing what is right in the face of adversity. Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend.”
― Stephen King
Click to expand...

Is this for real? I mean, he actually said that?

If so I need to mail Mr. King a beer.
Click to expand...

link here

it's on the internet, so it must be true!
 
I am going to wear a baseball outfit to my sister in law's Twilight party, and claim that I am dressed as a *********.





"If you're male and you like Twilight, you're gay. I don't mean that in the derogatory sense, I mean it in the "you want to put your testicles against another man's testicles while gripping handfuls of chesthair" kind of way."


Too effing funny.
 
KFH said:
Get the Rifftrax audio file for this movie. Then watch it. It's the only way to make it through that steaming pile.
Click to expand...

I got the Rifftrax last night and holy crap, is it hilarious. "Rifftrax. Because some movies deserve it."
 
The quote attributed to Stephen King actually originated with a woman named Robin Browne, who was then quoted by someone named Andrew Futrel (or something like that)... while King has criticized Twilight and compared it's author unfavorably to Rowling, he didn't say this... although I am sure he agreed whole-heartedly when he heard it the first time!
 
cheezydemon3 said:
SO.....the neighbors take their 9 year old daughter to the NEW Breaking Dawn movie.....poor judgement?

Unquestionably, but maybe not because of sexuality or violence (PG-13) but I am more concerne dabout the pure ****** factor that the child has been exposed to.

She ( said 9 year old) comes over to our house gushing about how awesome the movie was. FINE.

The first one comes on as SWMBO and I are flipping through channels, and we stop to watch the train wreck for a minute.........you know, the TOTALLY AWESOME part where the whole vamp family dresses up in cheezy baseball uniforms for a day of play?.......only to have it ruined by the metrosexually mean other vampires????

Then dude(male lead vampire edward something) is driving Bella away from those bad vibes, and he is STILL wearing the freakishly stupid baseball shirt.

THERE ARE 4 OF THESE MOVIES?????

I watched the first one and stayed awake, we started another one where some evil girl was swimming around freakishly fast........WTF????


That one ended with a version of "Interview with the vampire for non-intellectuals" where such scary metrosexual bloodsuckers as dakota Fanning tried to convince us that there is some organized vampire kingdom of supreme vampire *****ebags.
Click to expand...

Dude, you need to quit wasting your movie reviewing creativity just on us mere brewers and share it with the world. You need to start your own movie rating website/blog to rival Rotten Tomatoes- Call it moldy cheese or something. And share the wealth of your reviewing acumen with a larger audience.

This has to be one of the best review of a movie I've ever read:rockin:

And in terms of sheer "rantiness" it's almost up their with the Porch Couch rant in terms of creativity, except yours was more coherent, which makes it even more funny.
 
KFH said:
Trust me, the ****** factor of these novels is nothing compared to the other issues these books have, like racism, homophobia, and the general "emotionally abusive relationships are OK because it's TWUE LURVE!!!1!11!".
Click to expand...

^^This.

Like another said on here, I can pretty much ignore banal teen fads as they come and go, but this enterprise is way over the top and it WILL NOT GO AWAY.

Let me set the stage for you...I run an inpatient psychiatric unit for children and adolescents...this crowd, in particular (mentally unstable "emo" teens), LURVES Twilight. I was able to ignore it for a bit when it cropped up originally, but then we started getting kids who were "groomed" by pedophiles using the Twilight schtick: "Our love is forbidden..No one understands how we feel about each other...No one can stop true love...us against society"

So, those might be a low percentage of the folks I treat, but there is an overwhelming majority of kids who go from one abusive romantic endeavor to another (boys and girls alike). The messages these movies send sicken me. And I'm not a prude, not by any means. I also don't mind telling families, hey, if your kid is doing well, then give them some freedom to choose, but MOST IMPORTANTLY, make time to discuss that choice.

Maddening.

To end on a lighter note, I have some great footage of me blasting the **** outta some Twilight farkle with a Bushmaster AR-15. :rockin: Very cathartic.

:mug:
 
Revvy said:
Dude, you need to quit wasting your movie reviewing creativity just on us mere brewers and share it with the world. You need to start your own movie rating website/blog to rival Rotten Tomatoes- Call it moldy cheese or something. And share the wealth of your reviewing acumen with a larger audience.

This has to be one of the best review of a movie I've ever read:rockin:

And in terms of sheer "rantiness" it's almost up their with the Porch Couch rant in terms of creativity, except yours was more coherent, which makes it even more funny.
Click to expand...


....*sniff sniff*..did he say that this was comparable to the porch sofa rant?


My work is complete.

So .......how TF do I start a website?
 
cheezydemon3 said:
....*sniff sniff*..did he say that this was comparable to the porch sofa rant?


My work is complete.

So .......how TF do I start a website?
Click to expand...
The easiest place to start would be to start a blog and work from there. Google's blogger is a good place to start.
 
These things are all really about female fantasy (as in our wives and girlfriends) not about your teenage 9 year old daughters.
 
Hang Glider said:
by the way, cheesy - it's about time you had an avatar -
Click to expand...

:mug:

Airplanedoc said:
These things are all really about female fantasy (as in our wives and girlfriends) not about your teenage 9 year old daughters.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I know they didn't make the movie for me to like it. Wait.....what are you saying? a 9 year old isn't a teenager....not to split hairs, but you are saying that only adult women should watch? That is probably valid.
 
My favorite quote on the matter by Steven King:

"Harry Potter is all about confronting fears, finding inner strength, and doing what is right in the face of adversity. Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend."
 
I'd like to mention that being a 100+ yr. old virgin with a gf that does exactly nothing in the way of contributing to her own well being makes whatshisass the most nightmarish character in the history of all the things...
 
...

image-4075050548.jpg
 

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