I'm going to say it again, because I don't think you're getting it...I doubt it's the cooper's carb tabs because folks use them all the time, and if they didn't work, they'd be out of the marketplace in a heartbeat...I don't think it's the gold caps, because folks use them all the time, and if they didn't work, they'd be out of the marketplace in a heartbeat..
It's...Because...It...hasn't...been....at...least.....three.....weeks....yet....
We don't say this all the time because we're into f-ing with the newbs to make them wait, it's because on average it takes 3 weeks for a normal gravity beer to carb up when at 70 degrees.
Just because you're impatient, doesn't mean there's anything wrong, or you did anything wrong. It just means YOU'RE trying to be in charge, when it's not you who's running the show, but the yeast.
I love when impatient new brewers over-complicate a simple thing. You're looking to blame products that THOUSANDS of brewers use every day with no complaints.So how come YOU are the only brewer who's having problems with these products? Why is your beer terminally different from ANY OTHER brewer who uses those products?
Seriously, go look at the hundreds of thousands of other threads where an impatient brewer thinks something's wrong, and he comes back after it's been 3 weeks and his beer is fine.
You shook your bottle and nothing exploded? What does that mean? How does that tell you in a glass bottle whether you have carbonation or not? If your bottle explodes that means there's something wrong. You're not going to "see" if a beer is carbed or not...there's not a flag or color change that tells you that. All you can do is wait for the beer to carb.
It really is FOOLPROOF. You add sugar, you cap it, you stick it in a warm place and you WALK AWAY for at least 3 weeks.....You check a bottle, if it's ready it's ready, if not you come in another week or more....and eventually the bottles will be carbed.
It's not magic, it's not complicated, and it's not something that is hit or miss or faulty, if you've simply followed the same process that MILLIONS of brewers do EVERY DAY, and if you are patient.
But if it's not ready before 3 weeks, and MOST OF THE TIME IT WON'T BE....you don't declare that there is something wrong, and you don't try to fix something....You give it AT LEAST the time we recommend....if you jump the gun, and it's not ready, it's not the beer or the beer yeast's fault...they're doing their jobs.
It's your fault for being impatient.
Yeast can't read, so calenders and instructions, mean absolutely nothing to them. The have their own agenda, and it is usually different from ours....