Wheely Suitcases, strollers, and golf umbrellas

Ok, so I went into work today on the train like every morning. For whatever reason, I think those people who normally take the short bus all arrived today. So... I have a series of thankless rants... because I have to get all this off my chest.

First off, I am a childless man, but I am by no means a child hater. I know that sometimes people have to take their little bundle of joy onto the train DURING RUSH HOUR because they are taking them to daycare before they go to the office/job site. This can't possibly be the case with the people today (or often), just judging by the sheer volume of rugrats in MASSIVE HUGE BULKY strollers. I'm not just talking wee babies, but also 4 year olds. Let me reiterate... 4 year olds... in giant strollers... AT RUSH HOUR. This would not happen on my lunar colony. Lets agree as a nation to only take children on the train during rush hour in emergency cases when you have no other choice, and that children will be carried or walking when they are old enough to walk.

And speaking of strollers clogging the train and making it impossible to get on and off... there is only 1 group of people who will get a pass for wheeling a wheeled suitcase onto a rush hour train. Airline pilots. Thats it! If you arent a pilot and you are traveling, wait an hour. I hope the woman this morning likes the shoeprint I put in hers this morning after it tripped me the second time.

Bicycles are modes of transportation to and from your job at rush hour. Bring it on the train and Im popping your tires with a bic pen.

One guy brought a huge cart of deliveries onto the train. I got out of the man's way and wished him a good one. He's working, and he wouldnt do this otherwise. If he could afford a taxi he'd have taken one.

However!

Guess what one Mensa candidate brought onto the train today? An empty cake carrier. Empty. And huge. Everytime he would turn it would hit some other commuter in the knees. This is not ok. What in the name of all things pink and potentially conjugal was this guy doing with a massive EMPTY cake carrier AT RUSH HOUR???

Anyone who uses a huge golf umbrella on a sidewalk, or worse, brings it onto the train at rushhour should be beaten by police officers while their children watch from their strollers. This is perhaps the worst offense.

If anyone on this board thinks I am talking about them, Im not, Im sure you had your reasons. Its everyone else that drove me crazy this morning.

Thanks for Listening.

Now that's a rant! Cheers!

By the way, I agree with it all.

The beauty is....the banner on the top of my page is an advertisement for strollers! Woohoo...lmao

What in the name of all things pink and potentially conjugal...


Hahahahaha.

Man, NY is stressful. Move to Vermont, RAHAHB.
I do feel your pain though, yesterday I had to take my car off cruise control once on my half hour drive to work. I didn't want to hit the deer.

That's a good rant!!!!!!!!

We had a traffic jam today that I felt the same way about. We have a red light in our town, and there was a guy coming straight on when I wanted to turn left. I had to wait almost 10 seconds to make my turn. There are 20000 people in our county, and one red light in the whole country. I just had to be there today when another person was on US 2. It really irked me bad.

Yooper said:

That's a good rant!!!!!!!!

We had a traffic jam today that I felt the same way about. We have a red light in our town, and there was a guy coming straight on when I wanted to turn left. I had to wait almost 10 seconds to make my turn. There are 20000 people in our county, and one red light in the whole country. I just had to be there today when another person was on US 2. It really irked me bad.

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One traffic light in my county too. It's in my big city. We have almost 3000 people in town. Urban living at its best!

That was outstanding.

I have to take the train into city, at rush hour, in a couple of weeks. I will be the guy with the golf umbrella.

bluemoose said:

One traffic light in my county too. It's in my big city. We have almost 3000 people in town. Urban living at its best!

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I feel your pain. My five minute commute was infuratingly lengthened by 30 seconds when I hit the one red light on the way home. Intolerable.

bluemoose said:

One traffic light in my county too. It's in my big city. We have almost 3000 people in town. Urban living at its best!

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Sounds like Shaftsbury, my old town. 3,000 people and one stoplight, perpetually flashing yellow.

viking73 said:

I feel your pain. My five minute commute was infuratingly lengthened by 30 seconds when I hit the one red light on the way home. Intolerable.

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We got 2 lights in our town. Insane!

I got stuck at one of them. Darn near made me want to curse a little.

I wouldnt give up New York for the world, but its little things like this that add up to make me a wild man. This morning wasnt half as bad, I even got a seat, and people must have known I was coming because they kept their unnecessary bulky items at home.

I do feel guilty though, because I got annoyed at the slow-mover in front of me only to find out he had a prosthetic leg. My karma took a hit on that one I am sure.

the_bird said:

Sounds like Shaftsbury, my old town. 3,000 people and one stoplight, perpetually flashing yellow.

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We have 3000 people in my town, too- but our red light is actually turned on during the daytime. It only flashes yellow after about 7 PM. It's on the highway. We call it "the highway" because it's US 2 but the speed limit is 25 mph and it's two lanes just like all the other streets. We don't actually have any highways or freeways around here.

I love visiting the city, but I'd hate to live there. Since I live in town, last night a car drove by my house. That's rare and it woke me up. When I visit a city, I never sleep- it's too noisy!

During Hurricane Irene I literally slept through the whole thing. I thought it had completely bypassed us other than rain the night before... the bloodshot eyes on my fiance told another tale however...

I grew up in cow country, in the Catskills/Hudson Valley region, and its great to visit... but I moved for a reason. Staying at my father's place I barely sleep because its too quiet.

My city/subway commute is coming to an end in 2 days!!! I'll be a vehicle commuter again for the first time in over 5 years. I have to agree wholeheartedly with everything CreamyGoodness wrote. I have a coworker who comes in bitching everyday about the idiots on her train commute. She's 6.5 months pregnant and has been called fat, pushed on the stairs, and NEVER gets a seat on the train.

My biggest beef are the idiots who don't take their backpacks off on the crowded train and bump you with them every time they turn.

Oh, and my commute gets way more than a fair share of suitcases since I'm on the E that tourists use to get to JFK via the airtrain connection.

2 games on a train for which there are no winners and no one enjoys playing:

1) Is she pregnant or just fat?
2) Is he/she old enough to stand up for?

One time some vile old man chewed me out for offering him my seat. I actually heard myself suggesting he die painfully. Commuting sucks.

I also have a plan to keep the trains running on time. Door-blockers, scum of the earth, have been ignoring the ubiquitous "stand clear of the closing doors please."

So... what I suggest, and potential benefits, is as follows.

Interlocking, retractable metal teeth. You get 3 warnings of the standard "stand clear of the closing doors please" and after that the conductor announces "ok Im releasing the teeth in the third car, some of you people might get a bit wet." And then the doors close, fully. At the next station, MTA staff pull what is left of door-blockers off the train and bring them to either medical assistance or last rights. Revy, you can do last rights quickly pan-denominationally right? Anyway, this will take no longer than a moment or two. Clean-up, which will be a highly saught after city contract, will take place at the end of the line. I see cleanup of, lets face it, unwanted door-blocking parties as a job producer in a city that needs jobs. Nurses, doctors, and MTA employees will be in greater need, forming jobs, and vendors will make a mint selling those little plastic ponchos and masks for those who dont like the smell of gore. We are New Yorkers, we can stand the sight of a little blood.

I think this would work even better in keeping our trains rolling on time than the Tokyo rails "pushers" and "pullers".

Update: 2/3/12. Some yutz brought his bike on today at rush hour. I didnt pop his tires, but I didnt have to. A woman half his size shoved the wheel out of her way and said "move this piece of ****, *******."

BEST MORNING EVER

Having lived in Northern VA and the DC area, I can feel the OP's pain. Currently, I live in one of the smallest state capitol's int he country I think. My daily commute is 3.9 miles one way. I can wake up, shower, and drive to work in less than 30 minutes.

Man, I love a good commuting rant. My problem is with the ******* college kids that get on my bus in droves as soon as we hit campus, meaning all of us who shlep back and forth for work have to squeeze in and have somebody's crotch all up on you as they stand in the aisle, and then they all file out 2 blocks later when we get to the dorms. 2 blocks. It drives me nuts.

CreamyGoodness said:

Update: 2/3/12. Some yutz brought his bike on today at rush hour. I didnt pop his tires, but I didnt have to. A woman half his size shoved the wheel out of her way and said "move this piece of ****, *******."

BEST MORNING EVER

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Thoroughly enjoyed reading the original rant.... and this follow up too

for original rant

Side note - I lived in Astoria for a summer a few years back. Word to the wise - El Rey Del Mundo taco truck at 33rd and 30th serves the best tacos in NYC.