Last year (January, 2012) my brew buddy and I brewed up a beautiful double chocolate-mint stout. This bad boy was HUGE and; at the time, we were still getting our glass wet so we didnt fully understand fermentation. That being said, after three weeks in primary then an additional 4 weeks in secondary we were certain this beast of a brew was ready for bottling. We primed as usual (Batch) and made slight additions of both chocolate and mint extracts to bring the sexy back then bottled these beauties for Christmas. As I mentioned, we did not fully understand fermentation, specifically the effect of HIGH OG on certain yeast strains. None-the-less, a year later we had a wonderfully tasty and complex brew
. But, and its a BIG but.. It was flat as a pancake. The yeast was so pooped after primary and secondary it just packed it in and quit. However, THAT is not the bonehead mistake
..
In my infinite knowledge, impatience, and disappointment after almost a year of conditioning I got the bright idea of carbing up post-conditioning
.. In a Soda Stream. See where this is going? I chilled a bottle while I was at work then in the wee hours of the morning (I was working nights) at a non-disclosed rural location I poured the stout into the carbing bottle and attached it to the co2 machine of death, AKA the Soda Stream
..
Now, you have to understand this was the FIRST time I have used this device. The warning label CLEARLY states use water only. What?!? Naw, press on soldier
Press on. The warning label also stated press three times firmly until you hear a loud buzz. I figured, in my deep understanding of the word buzz I was listening for something akin compression breaks
No buzz. I pressed three more times
No buzz
Rinse / repeat
No buzz. At this point I am getting fairly concerned that the buzzer is broken and that I have officially exceeded the maximum occupancy load of said Soda Stream bottle
. Naw, press on soldier. SIX MORE PRESSES
No buzz. Okay, NOW I am freakn out!
I decided that safety, common sense, and simple physics had already gone out the window and it was time to abort. So
.. I began S-L-O-W-L-Y unscrewing the soon to be soda-rocket-bomb-thermo-nuclear-explosive-choco-minty-fresh device-of despair
.. BOOOOOOOOM! That sucker rocketed downward, spraying tasty-sticky-sweet chocolate mint nectar EVERYWHERE. E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E. I stood there partially in awe, partially in panic mode
. I gathered my senses, pulled myself up by the bootstraps, remembered my combat experience and assessed myself for injury and structural damage
IM ALIVE! Soaked but ALIVE!!! And
No broken windows. Whew! Wait
. The ceiling, ooohhhh the ceiling.
The ceiling looked as if I had strategically shelled maple syrup with a Howitzer, creating what can only be described as a malt-laden Rorschach test. The lights glistened with an eerie, brown glow and the floor was still pooling the aftermath of the explosion. At this point I just chuckled, put my head down and began cleaning
.for two hours. The splat pattern looked like something out of a bad B horror movie and reached from the kitchen to the front door to the family room to the downstairs hallway. And the smell
. Well, the smell was delightful but all I could think about was the look on my wifes face should she come down prior to me getting rid of the evidence.
After all was said and done I learned one VERY valuable lesson. The term buzz is up for interpretation. Oh, and the Soda Stream, though it did work out later after watching a few how to videos on YouTube, has a built in tilt-release designed to release the pressure prior to unscrewing the bottle. You live and learn folks
You live and learn. And THATS my biggest bonehead mistake
..so far.
Cheers,
-JM
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