Trade a baby for brewing?

[David_Trucks]

Let me explain. My wife and I have two kids. Things are great and the kids are starting to play together, giving us a little bit of a break. I brew only about once a month or two, depending on how much we got going on. I'd like to brew more often. I have a small time set up and just started kegging (I have a small one tap kegerator).

Well, my wife wants another kid. I don't. Not really anyway. But she keeps telling me I can brew all I want and make a bigger set up if I give her another kid. What would you do?

 

[8rnw8]

How old are the current kids, and do you think you'll have time to brew if you do have another?

 

[Fedora]

Divorce her. It's a trap.

 

[ericwilson9]

Bigger setup you say? See if she still wants another kid after you give her the price of your future 10 barrel brew system with multiple fermenters and bright tanks.

Truthfully, I second 8rnw8's comment.

 

[TX_Brewing]

I have 3 and brew about once a month.... Again ages are important my oldest is 12, and my youngest is 3....

 

[David_Trucks]

How old are the current kids, and do you think you'll have time to brew if you do have another?

They are ages 4 and 2. I challenged the idea that I'd be able to brew more, but she swears she'd make it work. I'm skeptical.

 

[TX_Brewing]

4 & 2 are tough, and to add a third..... As it is I brew at night, after my 2 littles are in bed.... Guess really it comes down to are you will get to make the time, even if it is 8p-2a for a brew session as I do? There is no right answer to this. I took a long break from brewing due to life but have been fortunate to be able to hit it harder the past couple of years.

 

[AZCoolerBrewer]

Negotiating for kids is a bad way to resolve the conflict. If she needs another child to be happy, you should consider having one with her. If you want to brew more then you should. The resources and effort that go into raising a child are not offset by any brew system you can buy. The resentment towards your brewing will be off the charts if you aren't 100% invested in the child. You set yourself up for that by making the deal.

 

[NoIguanaForZ]

Don't make a kid you don't want.

 

[TX_Brewing]

Negotiating for kids is a bad way to resolve the conflict. If she needs another child to be happy, you should consider having one with her. If you want to brew more then you should. The resources and effort that go into raising a child are not offset by any brew system you can buy. The resentment towards your brewing will be off the charts if you aren't 100% invested in the child. You set yourself up for that by making the deal.

Agree 100% as well as make sure it is a kid you want.

 

[worlddivides]

Bigger setup you say? See if she still wants another kid after you give her the price of your future 10 barrel brew system with multiple fermenters and bright tanks.

Truthfully, I second 8rnw8's comment.

Yeah, pretty much the only way to make the price of a kid comparable with the price of a brewing system is by getting a small to mid-range commercial-level commercial-grade system since it costs around $300,000 dollars to raise a kid from birth to age 18.

Negotiating for kids is a bad way to resolve the conflict. If she needs another child to be happy, you should consider having one with her. If you want to brew more then you should. The resources and effort that go into raising a child are not offset by any brew system you can buy. The resentment towards your brewing will be off the charts if you aren't 100% invested in the child. You set yourself up for that by making the deal.

100% agree.

And it just seems bizarre to me to negotiate for kids. But, to be honest, if she isn't happy with two kids, why would she be happy with three? Maybe she's happy with two and thinks she'll be "happier" with three? I don't know, but two kids are already a handful (and expensive), so why three? I personally think that people should have three children when both parents are 100% on board with having three children. I think even four or five children is fine, as long as it's what both parents want and they are capable of providing for the children. But that's just my personal take on the matter. Putting brewing into the matter... just strikes me as odd.

From what I've heard of the situation, I'm having difficulty imagining a win-win situation.

 

[cloudybrewer]

Divorce her. It's a trap.

I don't care who you are, that's funny. Lord, forgive me and be with the pygmies in New Guinea.

 

[cloudybrewer]

4 & 2 are tough, and to add a third..... As it is I brew at night, after my 2 littles are in bed.... Guess really it comes down to are you will get to make the time, even if it is 8p-2a for a brew session as I do? There is no right answer to this. I took a long break from brewing due to life but have been fortunate to be able to hit it harder the past couple of years.

I am new to brewing and this is exactly what I have to do. Make beer after everyone is in bed. Mine are 5 and 3 with another on the way. I start brewing after 10pm. The only way to make time is give up sleep.

 

[cloudybrewer]

To the OP, after the second, did you feel like you had more time for hobbies? Or less? Just sayin

 

[petey_c]

Don't make a kid you don't want.

While she's taking care of the newborn, who does that leave to take care of the other two? If you're not sure you want a third, then the answer is no.

 

[yeahfairly]

This!!!!

 

[skw]

You're asking an internet forum full of half-drunk people about decisions that affect your marriage and the rest of your life?

 

[Pkrd]

You're asking an internet forum full of half-drunk people about decisions that affect your marriage and the rest of your life?

Who are you calling only half drunk?

What is she going to offer for kid #4?

 

[milldoggy]

To quote a wise creature

View attachment 1473075912166.jpg

 

[David_Trucks]

Love the responses! And, wow, is this a hot topic. To answer a few questions, I'm not really looking for a system upgrade as much as I (regardless of another kid or not) would be eventually wanting to add a ferm chamber and bigger kegerator. I enjoy brewing the way I do right now, which is simple but effective. I would like to brew more often.

Her "deal" may be more tongue in cheek. She has had baby fever for a while now and has been wanting another; I always tell her no, we're happy, the kids are happy, etc. then she'll throw out there "you can brew as much as you want if you give me another". She's serious, but I know better than to believe it'll be that easy.

I have little time for other hobbies, not that I'm really interested in others anyway, I really just want to brew more.

Truth be told, I'm not super against having another child, but when we already have two great kids, why mess with the program, you know?

EDIT: and I brew during the day while my girls play in the yard (I brew outdoors). It works pretty well. I'd be happy to brew when others are in bed, but I'd probably be too noisy. Maybe I should try it and see what happens.

 

[TX_Brewing]

I am a little paranoid about brewing with my youngsters around. Something about fire and boiling sugar water makes me jumpy.

 

[Brewenstein]

Love the responses! And, wow, is this a hot topic. To answer a few questions, I'm not really looking for a system upgrade as much as I (regardless of another kid or not) would be eventually wanting to add a ferm chamber and bigger kegerator. I enjoy brewing the way I do right now, which is simple but effective. I would like to brew more often.

Her "deal" may be more tongue in cheek. She has had baby fever for a while now and has been wanting another; I always tell her no, we're happy, the kids are happy, etc. then she'll throw out there "you can brew as much as you want if you give me another". She's serious, but I know better than to believe it'll be that easy.

I have little time for other hobbies, not that I'm really interested in others anyway, I really just want to brew more.

Truth be told, I'm not super against having another child, but when we already have two great kids, why mess with the program, you know?

Well that adds some clarity. From your first post, she came off being somewhat manipulative, but not so much now. My wife will still occasionally says that we should have another - and we are 51, and our youngest (of 4) is 17 ! I think that sometimes they just miss the stages that the kids have passed when they realize that they will never have that again (cuddling a new born for instance).

I think that you two should have some discussions about what it is you both really want and why. Definitely don't rush into having another child until you do. It is a serious commitment to have another child. One that will have an impact on your lives forever. A couple questions for us drunkards on the forum - how old are you and your wife, do you have a boy and a girl now?

My wife and I had two girls first, so it was me bugging her for a third so that I could have a son. Well of course you know that we had a third a girl. So the begging began for a fourth child. Finally she relented. Once she was pregnant and past the second trimester, I got the old snip-snip. We decided that 4 would be enough no matter the sex of the last one. (We always chose not to find out the sex of the baby.) We were convinced that the last one was a girl, and were genuinely surprised when it was a boy. I can say that each child is a blessing, and I can't even imagine having less than we do. But it is a major commitment.

Other things to consider - Having 5 (or more) people in the family makes it harder to go to restaurants (need a bigger table). Vacations are more expensive - need a bigger rental, or two hotel rooms. More airfare, depending on where you are vacationing. Perhaps a larger vehicle. Maybe a bigger house.

It's a lot to consider and if you both aren't on board, it would probably be best to hold off. Marriage and family are hard enough without the added stress of a child that you may not really want. It certainly would not be fair to child to be born into that situation.

Best of luck and keep us posted!


Edit to add - no matter what she says and how good her intentions are, you will not have more time for brewing.

 

[cloudybrewer]

"My wife and I have two beautiful children ..... and another kid." From a comedian I saw once.

 

[David_Trucks]

Well that adds some clarity. From your first post, she came off being somewhat manipulative, but not so much now. My wife will still occasionally says that we should have another - and we are 51, and our youngest (of 4) is 17 ! I think that sometimes they just miss the stages that the kids have passed when they realize that they will never have that again (cuddling a new born for instance).

I think that you two should have some discussions about what it is you both really want and why. Definitely don't rush into having another child until you do. It is a serious commitment to have another child. One that will have an impact on your lives forever. A couple questions for us drunkards on the forum - how old are you and your wife, do you have a boy and a girl now?

My wife and I had two girls first, so it was me bugging her for a third so that I could have a son. Well of course you know that we had a third a girl. So the begging began for a fourth child. Finally she relented. Once she was pregnant and past the second trimester, I got the old snip-snip. We decided that 4 would be enough no matter the sex of the last one. (We always chose not to find out the sex of the baby.) We were convinced that the last one was a girl, and were genuinely surprised when it was a boy. I can say that each child is a blessing, and I can't even imagine having less than we do. But it is a major commitment.

Other things to consider - Having 5 (or more) people in the family makes it harder to go to restaurants (need a bigger table). Vacations are more expensive - need a bigger rental, or two hotel rooms. More airfare, depending on where you are vacationing. Perhaps a larger vehicle. Maybe a bigger house.

It's a lot to consider and if you both aren't on board, it would probably be best to hold off. Marriage and family are hard enough without the added stress of a child that you may not really want. It certainly would not be fair to child to be born into that situation.

Best of luck and keep us posted!


Edit to add - no matter what she says and how good her intentions are, you will not have more time for brewing.

Thanks for the thoughts. I know if we had another kid I'd love her/him no matter what, so I don't think it would be a 'kid I don't really want' situation. Currently, we have two beautiful girls. I am in my late 30's and she is early 30's.

 

[David_Trucks]

I am a little paranoid about brewing with my youngsters around. Something about fire and boiling sugar water makes me jumpy.

I worry about this too- they stay away during these periods. I don't usually even hang out nearby if I don't have to.

 

[mongoose33]

It seems to me that if the sole consideration about having another child is whether you can brew or not, this equation isn't being parsed effectively.

You have another child because you want one; if you make *any* kind of bargain, you'll regret it in the end.

Further, if you think you're going to have more time, you're, well, nuts. As kids grow, other events besides babysitting become more common. Take them to band practice, scouting, piano lessons, swim lessons.....etc. etc. etc. etc. Then when they're in a sport, or performing in a musical or drama group, or whatever--guess who should be there? Imagine the reaction: "My dad couldn't come because he had to brew beer."

If you want another child you should have one. If you don't, you shouldn't. Brewing, IMO, should have nothing whatsoever to do with it.

**************

PS: Can you get a neighbor kid to watch your children for a few hours while you brew? And where's your wife in all this--can't she watch them while you brew?

PPS: Some people are doing split brews overnight. They'll mash in during the evening when the kids are in bed, then do the boil early next morning. Search "overnight mash" and you'll see how that works.

 

[David_Trucks]

It seems to me that if the sole consideration about having another child is whether you can brew or not, this equation isn't being parsed effectively.

You have another child because you want one; if you make *any* kind of bargain, you'll regret it in the end.

Further, if you think you're going to have more time, you're, well, nuts. As kids grow, other events besides babysitting become more common. Take them to band practice, scouting, piano lessons, swim lessons.....etc. etc. etc. etc. Then when they're in a sport, or performing in a musical or drama group, or whatever--guess who should be there? Imagine the reaction: "My dad couldn't come because he had to brew beer."

If you want another child you should have one. If you don't, you shouldn't. Brewing, IMO, should have nothing whatsoever to do with it.

**************

PS: Can you get a neighbor kid to watch your children for a few hours while you brew? And where's your wife in all this--can't she watch them while you brew?

PPS: Some people are doing split brews overnight. They'll mash in during the evening when the kids are in bed, then do the boil early next morning. Search "overnight mash" and you'll see how that works.

When I brew she is around most of the time, but doesn't just take the kids for hours and give me time/ space.

 

[Brewenstein]

Thanks for the thoughts. I know if we had another kid I'd love her/him no matter what, so I don't think it would be a 'kid I don't really want' situation. Currently, we have two beautiful girls. I am in my late 30's and she is early 30's.

So does she want a boy, or just another child? Another thing to consider is your ages. I know that when my wife and I discussed the 3rd and 4th kids, one thing we thought about was how old we would be when the kids were gone - meaning at least in college. We wanted to be young enough to do what we wanted. So we will be 52 next year when the last one goes to college. Just another thought.

 

[David_Trucks]

So does she want a boy, or just another child? Another thing to consider is your ages. I know that when my wife and I discussed the 3rd and 4th kids, one thing we thought about was how old we would be when the kids were gone - meaning at least in college. We wanted to be young enough to do what we wanted. So we will be 52 next year when the last one goes to college. Just another thought.

I'm gonna be old, man. 53 when our currently youngest kid leaves the house.

 

[kev211]

"My wife and I have two beautiful children ..... and another kid." From a comedian I saw once.

Brian Regan!!!

That is all from me

 

[Homercidal]

Honestly, I wouldn't even think about having more children unless I really just wanted more children. (Which, I suppose, means thinking about them first... )

Anyway, let's be realistic here. You will NOT gain more time or money for brewing with the addition of another child. Your wife will not be able to give you more time to brew, no matter how good her intentions are.

There are some years between young child and teenager when there is a lull in activity. They are capable of doing most things themselves, and entertaining themselves for long periods and haven't yet started doing all of the things that teens do, like sports, homework, extra curricular activities, etc. Enjoy that magical period I like to call the Eye of the Storm.

You MIGHT get a little help from the older kids at some point if they are capable of babysitting in some fashion while you brew. That's not a given.

My wife said for years she'd like another baby. We have 2 girls and they are wonderful kids. Lately I've been thinking it might be fun to have a little one around. But at this point we are just holding out for grandkids I think. You know, kids you can play with for a while and then give back to their parents!

 

[David_Trucks]

Update: we just played a game of Russian roulette.

 

[SGTSparty]

Thanks for that. Now I'm the weird guy laughing out loud to himself at inappropriate things in the office at 6:40 AM.

Pro Tip: The ONLY type of bargain you make in the brewery for kids trade is to brew you A$$ off until baby number 3 is born. Get extra kegs, get an extra CO2 tank, get your fermentation chamber (cheaper than a new stroller... which isn't saying much). You're going to have so many people stopping by to say congrats in a few weeks once those 2 lines show up on the stick. Use those people as additional helping hands w/ the current kiddo's and brew brew brew. get a stockpile of brew because once you hit that 3rd Trimester you're DONE for a minimum of a year. Resulted in my gear ending up on the shelf for 2 because we bought a house a week before we found out that we'd won our game of Russian roulette (or lost, never sure? must be won right because i got my son?) and it didn't come out of storage until he was 9 months old.

Also, what better excuse to brew then for the baby shower?

 

[David_Trucks]

Thanks for that. Now I'm the weird guy laughing out loud to himself at inappropriate things in the office at 6:40 AM.

Pro Tip: The ONLY type of bargain you make in the brewery for kids trade is to brew you A$$ off until baby number 3 is born. Get extra kegs, get an extra CO2 tank, get your fermentation chamber (cheaper than a new stroller... which isn't saying much). You're going to have so many people stopping by to say congrats in a few weeks once those 2 lines show up on the stick. Use those people as additional helping hands w/ the current kiddo's and brew brew brew. get a stockpile of brew because once you hit that 3rd Trimester you're DONE for a minimum of a year. Resulted in my gear ending up on the shelf for 2 because we bought a house a week before we found out that we'd won our game of Russian roulette (or lost, never sure? must be won right because i got my son?) and it didn't come out of storage until he was 9 months old.

Also, what better excuse to brew then for the baby shower?

A brew-by shower! I like it! My plan is to start brewing a bunch of small batches of things I've been wanting to try. And looking for deals on Craigslist.

I'm not sure how good of an idea this is, but we're going for it. She's insistent on having another and I'm taking the stance that this isn't a terrible idea.

 

[fatherdan]

Seven kids here.

I think everyone should be as happy as me.

It's a vicious cycle though whether it's the drinking that causes kids or if the kids cause drinking......

 

[Homercidal]

Seven kids here.

I think everyone should be as happy as me.

It's a viscous cycle though whether it's the drinking that causes kids or if the kids cause drinking......

Indeed it is, Sir.

 

[fatherdan]

Lol. Damn auto correct

 

[shelly_belly]

I'm gonna be old, man. 53 when our currently youngest kid leaves the house.

Is that when she'll turn 27?

 

[EcuPirate07]

I remember my wife told me we would have sex 3x a week once we got married bc she was afraid of getting pregnate while engaged so it wasn't as often during our engagement. You know how many times we have sex 3x a week......... Hell I could count that on 1 hand. (Full disclosure we have been married 5 years and have a 2 and 1 yr old so there's that)

On another note my wife wants another ome too but I don't. We will see who wins out, point being women will tell you whatever you want to hear to get there way. After they do they start back peddling and being like why don't you help more with the kids? Why don't you want to spend as much time with us? Do you really have to brew this weekend? Oh I made plans for us to go to Susan's sons brothers kids birthday today we don't have time for you to brew......see where I'm going with this?

 

[dryboroughbrewing]

Good luck to you, however it turns out! You are a braver man than I, I love my kid, but having to play zone defense scares the daylights out of me.