Top 10 Worst Sports Team Names

[Orpheus]

This was recently published on a Canadian sports page, Slam:

10. Stanford Cardinal

Nothing against Stanford ... they're just the most prominent team with the annoying "singular" nickname. Whether it's the USFL, the XFL or the WNBA, you know a league sucks if it has several teams without an "s" at the end of their names. Yet another reason to hate the Utah Jazz (see below).


9. Phoenix Suns

It must have been very cloudy, or the middle of the night, when they came up with this one. Because otherwise, a quick look out the window would have confirmed the fact that, yep, there's only one sun. The exception to the plural-names rule.

8. Toronto Maple Leafs

Don't cheer for the Leafs, kids -- it's bad for your grammar. Last time we checked, the plural of "leaf" was "leaves." But like Tie Domi always said, "We ain't real big on book learnin'. "

7. University of Alberta Pandas

Nothing against the U of A, but in this age of supposed gender equality, why do some universities give their female sports teams a different name than the male ones? Is a panda somehow more feminine than a golden bear? We say no -- they're both godless killing machines.

Actually, Stephen Colbert said that, but we agree wholeheartedly.

6. LSU Tigers, et al

Any U.S. college that calls its sports teams the Tigers gets an F for originality. The NCAA has a whopping 45 schools playing under that name. The same goes for Eagles (51), Wildcats (32) and Cougars (30).

Bo-ring. We'll take the University of California-Santa Cruz Banana Slugs instead.

5. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim

Coming soon: the Milwaukee Packers of Green Bay, the Ottawa Senators of Kanata, the New York Islanders of Uniondale and the Carolina Hurricanes of Who Gives a Rat's Ass.

4. Utah Jazz

When the team was in New Orleans, this name made sense, but when they moved to the whitest city in America, it was time to change. Even worse, the city of Salt Lake decided to compound this blunder by naming their other pro teams -- the Starzz, the Buzz, the Freezz and the Grizzlies -- in similar fashion. Call us crazzy, but "Zz" doesn't seem like the best way to brand your city. Then again, most of them aren't allowed to drink coffee.

3. Houston Texans

The laziest team nickname since the Shelbyville Shelbyvillians on The Simpsons. If they had spent an extra 30 seconds thinking about it, they might've come up with something better ... like Tigers.

2. Butte Pirates

It must have been a far simpler time when the people of Butte County, Idaho, decided to name their high school sports teams the Pirates. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

1. Washington Redskins

Unlike the Cleveland Indians or Atlanta Braves, for instance, there's no way you can explain away this nickname as a tribute to First Nations people. It's nothing but a flat-out racial slur. Completely indefensible

 

[the_bird]

There was an NBA-development league team last year known as the "Arkansas Rim Rockers". Thought you might be a fan

 

[olllllo]

Manilla Folders

 

[Catfish]

Those names all suck. But you are from a naive country which knows nothing of the Yakult Swallows nor the daring Nippon Ham Fighters!!!!

 

[Evan!]

Um, hello, HOKIES? I mean, we're the HOKIES, and our mascot is a fuggin TURKEY. And we get up and do the "hokie pokie" during the game.

I do believe we deserve a spot on this elite list.

 

[mr x]

Gamecocks.

 

[Evan!]

Gamecocks.

Actually, that's one of the best. It gives a new meaning to the term "dick-waving contest".

 

[rdwj]

How does "The Mighty Ducks" not make the list? Naming your professional sports team after a bad kids movie has to be the worst marketing decision of all time.

 

[mr x]

Mighty Ducks is another bad one

 

[the_bird]

How does "The Mighty Ducks" not make the list? Naming your professional sports team after a bad kids movie has to be the worst marketing decision of all time.

'Cause nobody cares about hockey

What were the Angels called this year? The Los Angeles Angels of Aneheim, or something like that?

 

[Evan!]

'Cause nobody cares about hockey

What were the Angels called this year? The Los Angeles Angels of Aneheim, or something like that?

See #5 above...

 

[ohiobrewtus]

Thrash, Blue Jackets, Hurricanes, Predators to name a few. One of the worst - the Youngstown State Penguins.

Penguins? are you serious?

 

[FermentEd]

Chicago Cubs.
Cute.

 

[rdwj]

Chicago Cubs.
Cute.

I was going to suggest that as a bad name too, but thought that I'd be accused of personal bias. If there ever was a name fit for a girl’s softball team, that’s it.

 

[the_bird]

Penguins? are you serious?

There's a few gentlemen from Pittsburgh outside who'd like to have a chat with you...

 

[Fish]

I went to NYU where they held the title for least aggressive team mascot (something like that) we were the NYU Violets. It was just purple color not even the flower.

 

[c.n.budz]

My high school mascot was the Wildcats. Even back then I thought it was a boring and generic name, especially when we played other teams that were also called the Wildcats...

 

[Cheesefood]

Pittsburgh Pirates.

Seriously, when's the last time Pittsburgh was known for their pirates? Not exactly a great sea port. How about the Wyoming Hurricanes if we're going to be all improper? Or the Nevada Whales or Arizona Yeti?

The Albuquerque Isotopes are cool simply because they got their name from a Simpson's episode.

 

[c.n.budz]

How about the Maryland Terps, short for Terrapins which are turtles. Their rally cry could be "We may be slow, but we'll live really long!!"

 

[Cheesefood]

Saved this gem for all of you:

http://www.evergreen.edu/athletics/geoduck.htm

The Evergreen State Geoducks.

Their fight song:

The Geoduck Fight Song



(words and music by Malcolm Stilson, 1971)

Go, Geoducks go,
Through the mud and the sand,
let's go.
Siphon high, squirt it out,
swivel all about,
let it all hang out.

Go, Geoducks go,
Stretch your necks when the tide
is low
Siphon high, squirt it out,
swivel all about,
let it all hang out.

 

[Evan!]

Awww, cheese, go easy on 'em. What is Pittsburgh known for? Steel? Already taken. What else is there, really? And if you're not gonna pick something that has something to do with your city, then anything's free game. It's not like Philly is known for their eagles or DC is known for their injuns or Chicago is known for its baby bears, or California is known for their Angels, or Carolina is known for their panthers, or Florida is known for their Jaguars. etc., etc. Let 'em have the Pirates...it's not like they have much else going for them

 

[ColoradoXJ13]

I went to Brandeis University (outside of Boston) which was named after the Supreme Court justice Louis Brandeis...we were the Brandeis Judges and had a goddamned owl dressed as a judge...that sucked, but then again, we hardly had any competitive teams anyway...roll 'deis roll!

 

[Yooper]

Thrash, Blue Jackets, Hurricanes, Predators to name a few. One of the worst - the Youngstown State Penguins.

Penguins? are you serious?

Um, that's my alma mater. I just now realized how stupid that is. The logo has a penguin with a neck scarf around it. And they didn't play hockey so it's a particularly stupid name. The Penguins had a decent baseball team 25 years ago, though.

 

[rdwj]

Packers isn't exactly a great name either. Nothing strikes fear in the heart more than a team named for a packing company.

 

[ohiobrewtus]

There's a few gentlemen from Pittsburgh outside who'd like to have a chat with you...

ok, ok. Penguins when referring to a hockey team makes perfect sense. Penguins = ice.

But football? That's like having a hockey team nicknamed the 'Lava Monsters' or the 'Water Boilers' or the 'Ice Melters'

That brings up a few others...

'Boilermakers'? Maybe boiler making was a big deal at the turn of the last century, but no one knows what the hell it means now. We just see that fat guy and a train that's in your logo and it confuses us.

Buckeyes? I never understood why my favorite college team was named after a damn nut. "Hey, look! This buckeye tree just dropped a nut on my head. I know! Let's name the Ohio State football team after these nuts that are two shades of brown!"

Wolverines/Badgers/Gophers - What is it with BIG 10 teams and medium to large burrowing rodents?

Illini? What the hell is an Illini? I'm guessing by their logo that it's some reference to Native Americans.

Hoosiers? Anyone know what the hell a hoosier is?

 

[Brewtopia]

I grew up in Woodland WA and in high school sports we played Ridgefield High School. I always thought they had the dumbest mascot ever. A Potato!(and a frightened looking potato at that). They were the Ridgefield Spudders.

 

[pjj2ba]

My high school has to have amongst the bizzarest names, even though it does make some sense. We didn't have a mascot, lets just say at least a couple decades ago. Maybe they do now.

The Midland High School Chemics - yes the Chemics

It is the national Headquarters for Dow Chemical and Dow Corning, so at least it is something associated with the town.

 

[Rhoobarb]

How about Delta State University? Technically, the Statesmen, in the last decade or so they have become the Fighting Okra with a goofy looking vegetable mascot.

And who can forget the Toledo Mud Hens or the University of Tulsa Golden Hurricane, which just sounds wrong on more than one level.

 

[Evan!]

Packers isn't exactly a great name either. Nothing strikes fear in the heart more than a team named for a packing company.

I always figured they were named after the good ol' assf*ck.

 

[ohiobrewtus]

I always figured they were named after the good ol' assf*ck.

Isn't that the official sport of Wisconsin?