Tips on keeping the Mrs. happy

[SocalNat]

She knows how much I love this hobby. The absolute joy I get from it (every single aspect of it, by the way.) makes me a much happier person which makes me a better husband and a better father. She also likes the beer I brew.

 

[marcopolo]

I agree about brewing outdoors. My wife used to really complain about the mess I made when (extract) brewing in the kitchen. When I started going all-grain I had to go outside, and that pleased her very much.
More importantly, I've been working on beers that she likes & that has been a lifesaver. She now sees the value in what I'm doing. She also has her own hobby (horseback riding), and that helps me justify the financial investments I make with regard to brewing. Every time she says something about my spending too much money, I remind her of how much money her horses cost. Over time, she's accepted & fully supports my homebrewing. It took about a year or two, however...

 

[Valk0001]

Even though I do all of the cooking, and she does most of the kitchen cleaning I do my part to assist, like brew what she likes and brew outdoors. Keep the drunken buddies to a minimum on brew day, and remove the brew equipment from the kitchen or bathroom once they are dried. She does appreciate the aroma of boiling malt though in all fairness to her and she does apprecate that I do not bug her to get this for me and grab this for me and while you are at it can you toss me over the, or do me a favor and stir this while I go grab this or that.
Yeah life is good as long the outcome was wort the fuss.

 

[karljrberno]

Funny stuff
As much as it hurts , I bring my "A" Game on brew days , She usually gos shopping so when she gets home me and my brewing parts will unload the car for her and put it away quick , Stay out of her way (out side) Then when you are finished and clean up order dinner (ask her what she wants)
By now you are prolly pretty pie eyed and the chines will be great then you can go back to sitting and wait for the wort to start making beer .

 

[DFP51]

I don't want to be a jerk, but the perspective of these type of questions always depresses me. I think the question you should be asking yourself is is my wife happy/content/not a raving lunatic in general. If she is generally unhappy, a harpy, whatever, you got bigger problems than whether she will complain about your brewing.

If she is not normally a raving lunatic, then exhibiting the same behaviors you do every day when you are brewing will mean you are fine. Spend what you can afford, not more. Not everyone needs shiny new blichman pots, or some fancy set up. If you are not a slob every other day, don't be one on brewday. If you are not in the habit of drinking away a Saturday afternoon, don't get drunk just because you are brewing. If there are tasks that you would normally do, get them done before brewing. If there is so much stuff to do around the house that you can't carve out 5-6 hours on a weekend then you probably shouldn't be brewing that weekend anyway.

I can't speak for everyone else's relationship, but I can say after being married for twenty years that if I all of a sudden started doing chores I normally wouldn't do it would tick my wife off. She would surmise, correctly, that I was only doing something to curry favor rather than because it needed to be done. In other words, I would be acting like one of our kids rather than an adult.

You need to do the normal everyday stuff because it needs doing, not because you are afraid the wife will yell at you. You need to tell her you love her because you do, not so she will let you hang out in the garage for 5 hours. Spend time with her because she is the coolest person on the planet, not so you get brownie points to cash in so you can make beer.

And most importanty, trust her to know that a reasonable hobby is healthy for you and consequently your relationship. Give her the same grace you expect if she has a hobby.

 

[Valk0001]

Congrats on the 20 plus years of marriage. This being my second I have learned everything is a comprimise even when it comes to hobbies. If Momma aint Happy, NOBODY is happy is the truest statement ever muttered.

I just be sure to brew low hopped Red Ales from time to time and life is good.

 

[JeffoC6]

I don't want to be a jerk, but the perspective of these type of questions always depresses me. I think the question you should be asking yourself is is my wife happy/content/not a raving lunatic in general. If she is generally unhappy, a harpy, whatever, you got bigger problems than whether she will complain about your brewing.

If she is not normally a raving lunatic, then exhibiting the same behaviors you do every day when you are brewing will mean you are fine. Spend what you can afford, not more. Not everyone needs shiny new blichman pots, or some fancy set up. If you are not a slob every other day, don't be one on brewday. If you are not in the habit of drinking away a Saturday afternoon, don't get drunk just because you are brewing. If there are tasks that you would normally do, get them done before brewing. If there is so much stuff to do around the house that you can't carve out 5-6 hours on a weekend then you probably shouldn't be brewing that weekend anyway.

I can't speak for everyone else's relationship, but I can say after being married for twenty years that if I all of a sudden started doing chores I normally wouldn't do it would tick my wife off. She would surmise, correctly, that I was only doing something to curry favor rather than because it needed to be done. In other words, I would be acting like one of our kids rather than an adult.

You need to do the normal everyday stuff because it needs doing, not because you are afraid the wife will yell at you. You need to tell her you love her because you do, not so she will let you hang out in the garage for 5 hours. Spend time with her because she is the coolest person on the planet, not so you get brownie points to cash in so you can make beer.

And most importanty, trust her to know that a reasonable hobby is healthy for you and consequently your relationship. Give her the same grace you expect if she has a hobby.

Fantastic post. Couldn't have said it better myself.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

Just think the ace every one of us has in the hole. How many men, and women, out there have no interests at all? I think my SWMBO is aware she could have wound up with one of those

 

[bmick]

I don't want to be a jerk, but the perspective of these type of questions always depresses me. I think the question you should be asking yourself is is my wife happy/content/not a raving lunatic in general. If she is generally unhappy, a harpy, whatever, you got bigger problems than whether she will complain about your brewing.

If she is not normally a raving lunatic, then exhibiting the same behaviors you do every day when you are brewing will mean you are fine. Spend what you can afford, not more. Not everyone needs shiny new blichman pots, or some fancy set up. If you are not a slob every other day, don't be one on brewday. If you are not in the habit of drinking away a Saturday afternoon, don't get drunk just because you are brewing. If there are tasks that you would normally do, get them done before brewing. If there is so much stuff to do around the house that you can't carve out 5-6 hours on a weekend then you probably shouldn't be brewing that weekend anyway.

I can't speak for everyone else's relationship, but I can say after being married for twenty years that if I all of a sudden started doing chores I normally wouldn't do it would tick my wife off. She would surmise, correctly, that I was only doing something to curry favor rather than because it needed to be done. In other words, I would be acting like one of our kids rather than an adult.

You need to do the normal everyday stuff because it needs doing, not because you are afraid the wife will yell at you. You need to tell her you love her because you do, not so she will let you hang out in the garage for 5 hours. Spend time with her because she is the coolest person on the planet, not so you get brownie points to cash in so you can make beer.

And most importanty, trust her to know that a reasonable hobby is healthy for you and consequently your relationship. Give her the same grace you expect if she has a hobby.

Big thumbs up to this, if for no other reason, for the use of the word "harpy".

 

[TyTanium]

DFP51 - Great post. Wise words.

Just think the ace every one of us has in the hole. How many man men, and women, out there have no interests at all? I think my SWMBO is aware she could have wound up with one of those

Lack of passion is an affliction I'd wish on no one. I told my wife before I married her..."I may not be cool, I may not be rich, but one thing I'm certainly not is boring." And she still thought marrying me was a good idea

 

[Rick3277]

I guess I am one of the few lucky men out there. My Wife is my brewing partner, it is a great hobby we both enjoy. We have only been brewing for five months, but have brewed nine batches, with another IPA this weekend. We are now kegging and have built a kegerator. We live in Delaware and just a short drive from some great breweries like Dogfish, 16 mile, Evolution, Lancaster and Old Dominion. Visiting these places and meeting brewers give us great ideas and inspiration.

 

[DFP51]

Thanks for the kind words guys. I was worried I would come off too preachy.

 

[Valk0001]

Hopefully the SWMBO does not feel like this......

 

[Frank99]

Out of site, out of mind.
I brew late at night or early morning in my own sectioned off part of the garage.
I could be cooking crystal meth and she wouldn't know about it...

 

[Quaffman]

+1 on brewing early in the morning. I can finish by noon and still have time with the family.

 

[SharonaZamboni]

I've only just started brewing, but my H shows zero interest. When I told him I wanted to start smoking meats, he actively opposed it. Of course the first bite of pulled pork got him asking when I'd be smoking again . So I'm guessing home brewed beer will have the same effect!
One big positive to his lack of interest is that I know he won't be messing with my stuff, LOL

 

[Pappers_]

Sharona, my spouse didn't discourage me at first but it was definitely my thing, not her's. Then in November, she went with me to a homebrew club meeting and now she goes every month.

 

[lou2row]

When my wife wanted me to brew less, I said that would free us up to have sex more often.



She went out and bought me 300 pounds of grain.

 

[BadMrFrosty]

It sounds like you guys are on a tight leash!

 

[dooman333]

When my wife wanted me to brew less, I said that would free us up to have sex more often.

She went out and bought me 300 pounds of grain.

The perfect wife.

 

[sweetcell]

it's been said before, but show as much support for SWMBO's hobbies as you want her to show for yours. mine is in to running and triathlon, so i'm always there for her at competitions and happily dedicate the weekend to travel, cheering, massaging, hauling equipment, etc. makes my taking half a day to brew much easier to justify.

also, be sure that brewing makes you a more interesting person (passionate about the hobby, more informed, able to explain beer & beer making to others, etc), and not a less interesting person (a recluse, a drunk, etc).

Use your leftover Starsan to clean the shower. Its freaking awesome. Nothing grows for quite some time.

YOU'VE JUST SAVED MY MARRIAGE.

well, maybe not, but this is an awesome piece of information. thanks. my SWMBO hates shower mold with a passion. she also thinks that starsan is suspect and stays far away from it ("how can something be so powerful?!? it can't be healthy!"). now i can point out how great the stuff is! mind you, i've just committed myself to cleaning the showers...

 

[Frankiesurf]

That is great news. My wife is also a spotless eat off the tub shower maniac.

I will pass along this tidbit with less than great enthusiasm.

 

[BasementBrewmistress]

So, what can ladies do to get husbands more involved/interested in brewing? Mine loves the brews that have turned out and is willing to lend muscle, but he doesn't comprehend why I need a 55lb bag of grain, more than one type of hops, or that we have to brew more beer BEFORE the kegs run dry. Drives me bonkers.

 

[OkashiiBrew]

Have the best wife.... She went to the brew store to buy me 2 cased of empty bottles.
Then told me now I didn't have to drink to get empties.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

Could you come down with some sort of imaginary ache or pain that requires an extra set of hands, since you have to brew more seeing as how you are almost out? Then he sees the process first hand...

So, what can ladies do to get husbands more involved/interested in brewing? Mine loves the brews that have turned out and is willing to lend muscle, but he doesn't comprehend why I need a 55lb bag of grain, more than one type of hops, or that we have to brew more beer BEFORE the kegs run dry. Drives me bonkers.

 

[Homercidal]

Two words:

The Swirl...

 

[BasementBrewmistress]

Could you come down with some sort of imaginary ache or pain that requires an extra set of hands, since you have to brew more seeing as how you are almost out? Then he sees the process first hand...

I have active RA among other issues, so thankfully no need to pretend. Maybe I should tell him there won't be anymore beer until HE brews it.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

I can really see myself being just as annoyed with SWMBO if she were to continuously ask why I needed 3+ pounds of honey every time I wanted to make a gallon of mead. I bet you dont care too much that he doesnt want to brew, its the repeated already-answered questions.

My suggestion is that violence is the answer. Next time he, or anyone else for that matter, asks why you need a bag of grain that size when you have already answered it in the past, bop them on the nose with a rolled up copy of the New Yorker. Domestic violence is best when done with a little class.

After the sharp strike to your husband's muzzle, say in a firm voice "bad husband!"

I have active RA among other issues, so thankfully no need to pretend. Maybe I should tell him there won't be anymore beer until HE brews it.

 

[mosquitocontrol]

I started slow to keep my husband happy. Let him enjoy the fun parts like throwing the hops in the boil. Although you will grumble for a little when he does all the "fun" stuff and you are stuck cleaning and putting everything away.

I think he hated my hobby at first because it was a big mess in a small apartment and all I ever asked for help with was when I would procrastinate bottling. Let me tell you... bottling 25 gallons in one sitting and moving it case by case across the apartment after cleaning does not make hubby happy

I've since concluded that kegerators make happy hubbys AND happy brew-wives.

Slowly though he has taken more interest. He finally understands the concept of a pipeline and will encourage me to brew more if its running low. For a good 6-months this year he brewed more batches than me!

 

[sirgeoph]

My wife is as big of a beer nut as I am. When I brought wanting to get into brewing she wanted in. We brewed our first batch this past weekend. Hell, I mentioned I needed to run to the LHBS and she wanted me to wait until the weekend so she could come along.

She almost bought up all the herbs and other elements while we were there. They've got some hard to find herbs and flavorings there that she's been looking for a local supply for.

She's greatly anticipating bottling day to be the one who actually caps the bottles. No arguing there.