Things one guy should NEVER say to another guy

[TxBrew]

Nice jeans.

 

[jhoneycutt]

I don't wanna seem queer or anything but...

 

[Bookworm]

"Thanks for asking me out tonight" I did this the other night when what I wanted to say was thanks for inviting me along, my drunk brain could not find the words it wanted.

 

[jhoneycutt]

Did u at least go?

 

[RedOktoberfest]

"Thanks for asking me out tonight" I did this the other night when what I wanted to say was thanks for inviting me along, my drunk brain could not find the words it wanted.

Did you at least complement his nice jeans?

 

[huhwha]

Billiards is a other obsession of mine. I've been know to be in a bar and say, "I think I'll go play with my balls now." More than one person has spit heir beer across the bar.

 

[roastquake]

At a Willie Nelson concert, went to the bathroom and they had one of those trough style urinals. a guy walks in, goes to the urinal, and immediately says loudly "Okay guys, quit looking at my cock, I know it's huge and you just wanna stare, but stop"!

 

[Bookworm]

Did u at least go?

Yes. I said it as I was leaving the bar to go home. Good thing I was in walking distance, if I could not come up with the words I wanted I probably did not need to drive.

Did you at least complement his nice jeans?

Well... If they had been nice jeans, I was willing to lose a friend, and possibly get punched I absolutely would have.

 

[Halbrust]

I've been called out several times for say "go potty" instead of "take a piss" or similar.

 

[Billy-Klubb]

Your name's not Justin is it?!?! I had a buddy back in Texas who used to pull his nuts out towards the end of the night and walk around waiting for people to notice. His favorite was "have you seen my wedding pictures?"...Balzac..."dammit Justin!"

nope. and I'd start at the beginning of the night.:rockin:

 

[TANSTAAFB]

nope. and I'd start at the beginning of the night.:rockin:

LMAO! You have a kindred spirit running around somewhere in Texas drinking a Lonestar right now

 

[tjmac5071]

this was actually said to me in the kitchen at work last week:

"Hey Thomas - I was just thinking about you, I was in the bathroom with Jim..."

The backstory is this guy from a different department and I used to run into each other everyday about 3-4 times during the day in the men's room - we were just both oddly on the same pattern I guess. For awhile - a month of so we didn't see each other often and he mentioned this guy Jim from another department was his new "run into" buddy. A few weeks later we are both getting coffee and he said that and it took everything in my power not to crack up immediately.

Its one of my favorite out of context comments I have ever been part of.

 

[rockytop714]

it was never said directly to me, thankfully, but there was a surveyor at my old job that would take work to our CAD techs and ask "can I slide this in your pipeline?"

 

[Jaybird]

Hay bud I had a dream about you last night......

 

[ShaineT]

In the hospital when an intubated patient is biting down on their endotracheal tube they can actually suffocate themselves. I use this device that looks like a little like a plumb-bob with a spiral to crank open their jaw. On the package its actually called an "Oral Screw".

Anyway here's the line: "Nurse, I need an oral screw, stat!!!"

 

[Mike M]

In keeping with the spirit of this thread, I offer this tip: never pay off a bet or debt in the men's room

 

[ShaineT]

in keeping with the spirit of this thread, i offer this tip: Never pay off a bet or debt in the men's room

lool

 

[Beernik]

"I'm missing balls." ~ me, while setting up the billiard table.

 

[BlackDogBrewing]

Keep calm and try an *ale
http://digitaljournal.com/article/338100

 

[Subsailor]

Went to a buddy's house in Seward this weekend, wanted to go out and get some rockfish and maybe a chicken halibut or two. Had a few home brews and got around to talking fishing and I asked if we were going in his boat;

Him: Man, I got some problems with my lower unit, you want to check it out?
Me: Shouldn't your wife be checking your lower unit?
Him: No man, I mean on my boat motor, man!
Me: laughing, as it sinks into his head.

 

[Malted_hops]

I was listening to some music at work, had the mp3 set to shuffle. My boss walks by there's some hard core metal blasting ( Lamb of God ), and he comments " there's some guy screaming at you." I'm like " yeah ".

Boss comes past again later, different band same style. He says " now there's some other guy yelling at you." Me " uh-huh."

Third time he walks by, i have some relatively mellow music on.

Him, " what happened to the screaming ?"

Me, " sorry dude, i can't stay hard all the time."

Doh !!!

 

[Billy-Klubb]

I was listening to some music at work, had the mp3 set to shuffle. My boss walks by there's some hard core metal blasting ( Lamb of God ), and he comments " there's some guy screaming at you." I'm like " yeah ".

Boss comes past again later, different band same style. He says " now there's some other guy yelling at you." Me " uh-huh."

Third time he walks by, i have some relatively mellow music on.

Him, " what happened to the screaming ?"

Me, " sorry dude, i can't stay hard all the time."

Doh !!!

you need social Viagra. bwahahahaha!

 

[JohanMk1]

you need social Viagra. bwahahahaha!

You owe me a keyboard

 

[Billy-Klubb]

You owe me a keyboard

fair enough! hahaha!

 

[Billy-Klubb]

me the other day to the Laotian guy I work next to: Watch where you flop your hot bag!


he drinks a lot of tea.

 

[Malted_hops]

you need social Viagra. bwahahahaha!

So I need the little brown bottle, not the little blue pill?

 

[Billy-Klubb]

So I need the little brown bottle, not the little blue pill?

I'd recommend a dose of 16-22oz as needed.

 

[Malted_hops]

I'd recommend a dose of 16-22oz as needed.

Just enough to be a d!ck. If you OD, you turn into an a$$ hole. Lol

 

[Billy-Klubb]

Just enough to be a d!ck. If you OD, you turn into an a$$ hole. Lol

hahaha!!!

 

[gometz]

Old one: two friends wanted their heads buzzed in high school so I did it for them. While shaving one guy's head he yelled out: "careful man! you're making me bleed!"