There are rules in life...

[CreamyGoodness]

... that some seem to have forgotten, or think are unimportant. When I found my lunar colony, these rules will be strictly enforced.

* Conversations in elevators are to either be non-existant, or interesting to all elevator riders at the time of the conversation. Overhearing a boring conversation will be compensated at the rate of 50 CreamyCash Dollars payable by each of the conversation participants.

* Pasta is to always be pronounced in a manner rhyming with "hasta" and not rhyming with "Shasta". Failure to comply will result in your server refusing to bring you any. At that point you'll be allowed to order the veal instead.

* If a resident is hard of hearing and can experience a benefit from a hearing aid or surgery, they will be compelled to pursue this. The penalty for not doing so is no one will bother talking to them.

* Country music and merengue will not be outlawed, but it will be unlawful to play in public.

* Socks are not to be worn with sandles. The penalty for non-compliance will be at least one other citizen will be compelled to approach you and say "socks with sandles huh? really?"

* It will be required, whenever one makes a sandwich of any type for any other person, to ask first before putting raw onions on it.

* It will be compulsory to bring beer to anyone you might be visiting, except when the visitees are recovering alcoholics or children under 12.

* The words "Human Resources" will go back to "Personnel," as "human resources" seems to imply employees are similar to iron ore or lumber.

* It will not be compulsory to pretend you love/loved the band Nirvana. Trying to compell someone else to do so will be punishable to the tune of 50 CreamyCash Dollars.

* While legal and lawful to be a vegetarian or a vegan, it will be unlawful to talk about it.

* In order to give childrearing advice to a new parent one has just met, an individual will have had to raise 15 well-functioning children to adulthood. For obvious reasons, this means we will have to impose a cap on children one can parent to 4.

* No one will be allowed to get cancer. I'm still working on the ins and outs of this one.

* 90% or more of the History Channel's programming must have something to do with history.

and lastly for now:

* Parents will be given a lot of leeway when it comes to what they can name their kids. However, spelling of said names will be strictly regimented. Awesome is an acceptable name. Genifur is not.

 

[GilaMinumBeer]

* ban california and no-one will get cancer. They will just go back to dieing of natural causes.
* Genifur is a cool name. Even if it denotes pubic hair. I prefer it when my wife trims her genifur regularly.
* 90% of History programming has moved to the Music TV channel.

 

[DrunkleJon]

Another great thread by Creamy.

* When traffic lanes merge together for an onramp or lane closure using the zipper method of one car goes, one car merges, will be strictly enforced. Any who violate this rule will be smacked in the back of the head with a shovel. Any second offenders will be beaten within an inch of their lives with a rubber appendage.

 

[GilaMinumBeer]

Another great thread by Creamy.

* When traffic lanes merge together for an onramp or lane closure using the zipper method of one car goes, one car merges, will be strictly enforced. Any who violate this rule will be smacked in the back of the head with a shovel. Any second offenders will be beaten within an inch of their lives with a rubber appendage.

[disclaimer] Above does NOT apply to merging lane onto highways, freeways, or expressways. The above commuters ARE NOT supposed to reduce speed, increase speed, or stop for oncoming traffic. If you merging asshats could understand this, there would not be jams on the highway, freeway, or expressway.

Violators will be forced into the sidebar.

 

[unionrdr]

* In addition, you sandbaggin' asshats will be beaten & your car crushed in front of you for insisting on being in front while slowing to 15 MPH below the posted speed limit. Furthermore, your home brewery will be destroyed & your man-card revoked for a period not to exceed 5 years for doing so at shift-change time. Move over or get run over. Join the stampede or get stomped. Comprende?

 

[McBrewskie]

Country music needs further clarification. Modern country is not really country and sucks. If you mean all country and are including the likes of Ralph Stanley to Merle Haggard and everything in between then your colony can go to hell.

 

[unionrdr]

Also, that growling don't know what the f*** it is metal is hereby & forthwith banned. Learn to enunciate asswipe...

 

[CreamyGoodness]

Country music needs further clarification. Modern country is not really country and sucks. If you mean all country and are including the likes of Ralph Stanley to Merle Haggard and everything in between then your colony can go to hell.

Hey what you do in the privacy of your own moon-home is your business, I just don't think I should have to be made uncomfortable seeing your chosen lifestyle out in the open.

Also... the children.

 

[McBrewskie]

Hey what you do in the privacy of your own moon-home is your business, I just don't think I should have to be made uncomfortable seeing your chosen lifestyle out in the open.

Also... the children.

When you're running down my moon colony, you're walkin' on the fightin' side of me.


Oh, and you durn well better outlaw all forms of techno and electronica then.

 

[Hammy71]

If you send crappy beer or one you haven't even tried yet, to someone in trade.....then your lunar module breathable air system will be removed. Just sayin.

 

[alane1]

* If wearing horned rim glasses and/or a handlebar moustache said offenders opinions about craft beer are null and void.

 

[Beernik]

I think I break three of Creamy's rules on a regular basis. I won't say which.

I have much stricter rules for naming children. Here's the list I gave my wife:
1) nothing that easily rhymes, especially rhymes with a body part or bodily function
2) no hippie names
3) nothing that is in a song
4) can't be on the top 10 most common names list
5) nothing that will get a kid punched/ridiculed on the playground
6) no two-name first names
7) nothing that you can easily put "y" or "ie" at the end of.

My daughter ended up with a borderline hippie name. But it met all the other criteria.

 

[mattd2]

I think I break three of Creamy's rules on a regular basis. I won't say which.

I have much stricter rules for naming children. Here's the list I gave my wife:
1) nothing that easily rhymes, especially rhymes with a body part or bodily function
2) no hippie names
3) nothing that is in a song
4) can't be on the top 10 most common names list
5) nothing that will get a kid punched/ridiculed on the playground
6) no two-name first names
7) nothing that you can easily put "y" or "ie" at the end of.

My daughter ended up with a borderline hippie name. But it met all the other criteria.

I can't believe there is a name that fits that criteria! you also forgot to exclude easily putting an "o" at the end - just in case they ever end up living in Australia

 

[Zuljin]

I'm all for the zipper. Do it. We all get to go. But, are we going to need cars on the moon? The first colony is going to be small. Even after things expand, with the weak gravity, can't we have pogo stick leg things to vault around on?

 

[betarhoalphadelta]

If you send crappy beer or one you haven't even tried yet, to someone in trade.....then your lunar module breathable air system will be removed. Just sayin.

I've sent beer I haven't tried. Of course, it was a Russian River sour, so I think I can be excused.

(And I *will* try them; I bought a bottle for myself of each of those I traded. But they're in my fridge waiting for a suitable occasion.)

 

[betarhoalphadelta]

* While legal and lawful to be a vegetarian or a vegan, it will be unlawful to talk about it.

The same applies to Crossfit.

Go ahead. Do Crossfit. Don't f*****g waste your breath telling me you do Crossfit.

 

[DrunkleJon]

The same applies to Crossfit.

Go ahead. Do Crossfit. Don't f*****g waste your breath telling me you do Crossfit.

True, Crossfit is definitely reverse Fight Club. The first rule of Crossfit is you cannot shut the f*ck up about Crossfit.

 

[Hobbitfeet65]

* The words "Human Resources" will go back to "Personnel," as "human resources" seems to imply employees are similar to iron ore or lumber.

+1 I feel like I am nothing more than asset #1325789652

 

[CreamyGoodness]

Along with rules to enforce I am going to make a few more changes. I put up the fake expenses and the fake effort in getting this fake colony off the ground, I should get the fake say.


* The base system will be redesigned by committee. I'm thinking first base should include double-reverse ranch-hand and the "passion pretzel". Single Lunarians, you are welcome.

* Sporting events will include women's curling, competitive sausage making (tell me that wouldnt be one hell of a good time).... Im thinking that would be a coed sport..., and full contact yoga.

* Keeping de-scented skunks, lemurs, or marmots as pets is not only permitted but encouraged. I know my life could use a few more lemurs.

* Female construction workers will cat-call male passersby and make obscene and suggestive comments and gestures.

* Friday fish-fry and keg night in the town square. Be there. I will.

 

[DrunkleJon]

* Sporting events will include women's curling, competitive sausage making (tell me that wouldnt be one hell of a good time).... Im thinking that would be a coed sport..., and full contact yoga.

This sounds like fun. I think I am going to have to see if I can persue some full contact co-ed yoga tonight. Does one need to take a class first or is this something that as long as you do not try out exercises out of your experience level, you will be fine?

* Female construction workers will cat-call male passersby and make obscene and suggestive comments and gestures.

Of course. That is mandatory.

 

[headbanger]

Also, that growling don't know what the f*** it is metal is hereby & forthwith banned. Learn to enunciate asswipe...

Sorry Bro, you lost all your metal cred when you admitted to liking Turbo.

 

[unionrdr]

Well, I like the song Turbo Lover, as I'm a tuner guy as well. And I do like 6 Feet Under's version of Grinder. But the other growly stuff can be fairly unintelligible to me?...

 

[Beernik]

How about: the memory of you is not allowed to linger in the elevator. It doesn't matter if it's perfume, farts, BO, or cigarettes. Elevators must be odor free at all times.

 

[user 198378]

Is this colony on the Dark side of the moon? Or are there diff rules there?

 

[jhoneycutt]

How about just not having loud music played in public at all. I don't care what it is.

 

[betarhoalphadelta]

Is this colony on the Dark side of the moon? Or are there diff rules there?

There is no dark side of the moon.

There is a Dark Side Of The Moon, but that's a Pink Floyd album.

 

[Melana]

* Friday fish-fry and keg night in the town square. Be there. I will.

This sounds awesome.

 

[gratus fermentatio]

* Female construction workers will cat-call male passersby and make obscene and suggestive comments and gestures.

Any females making certain offers will be required to perform upon request by those who were cat-called.
Regards, GF.

 

[glenn514]

Friday fish-fry and keg night in the town square.

Is this colony in Wisconsin, by chance???

glenn514

 

[dietz31684]

thread title reminds me of big lebowski:

Smokey, this is not nam. This is bowling. There are rules.

 

[drainbamage]

* While legal and lawful to be a vegetarian or a vegan, it will be unlawful to talk about it.

Requesting an amendment to include non-medical gluten-free diets...do I hear a second?

 

[jhoneycutt]

Requesting an amendment to include non-medical gluten-free diets...do I hear a second?

Not by anyone who likes to eat food

 

[drainbamage]

Not by anyone who likes to eat food

I don't mean the people who have Celiac Disease and are forced to give up wheat products, I mean the people who read a couple of questionable books and go on a one-person crusade against everyone else for destroying their bodies with evil gluten.

I like bread, I like pasta (rhyming with "hasta", of course), I like beer. You don't have to eat it, but I love me some glutens. Deal.

(Coincidentally, I'm just now watching this week's South Park on DVR, that covers this very topic. Haha.)

 

[DrunkleJon]

Requesting an amendment to include non-medical gluten-free diets...do I hear a second?

Nah, just force them to eat this stuff instead.

http://www.soylent.me/

I can't believe this is actually a thing. At least they have a bit of a sense of humor and say that it doesn't taste like people.

 

[mattd2]

Nah, just force them to eat this stuff instead.

http://www.soylent.me/

I can't believe this is actually a thing. At least they have a bit of a sense of humor and say that it doesn't taste like people.

It never started with people! I'd be keeping a close eye on them

 

[estricklin]

Country music needs further clarification. Modern country is not really country and sucks. If you mean all country and are including the likes of Ralph Stanley to Merle Haggard and everything in between then your colony can go to hell.

Agreed. Red Dirt country is the only real country music currently still in production.

 

[Schemy]

Agreed. Red Dirt country is the only real country music currently still in production.

And even that has become so rehashed, that its tough to stomach. Red Dirt died when Ragweed folded, imo.

 

[GilaMinumBeer]

Requesting an amendment to include non-medical gluten-free diets...do I hear a second?

No one ever has seconds of non-medical gluten-free.

 

[Winepharm]

No Whining. Ever! If you are caught whining, Dr. Evil will come and stick a large needle in your a$$ and inoculate you with his "nowhineatall" evil vaccine. God I hate whiners! ��

 

[rlmiller10]

How about: the memory of you is not allowed to linger in the elevator. It doesn't matter if it's perfume, farts, BO, or cigarettes. Elevators must be odor free at all times.

Now you are taking away one of life's little pleasures, leaving a bomb in an elevator as you leave. Once again, a good idea soon gets over regulated.