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The Dysfunctional-Palooza Obnoxious Masshole BS Thread

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the_bird said:
What makes this an especially brilliant idea is that the bedrock is about eighteen inches below the surface at Paulie's house. Hence, it's protrusion into his neighbor's basement and Paulie's inability to set the support posts for his shed below the frost line.

We should set a betting line for what gets taken out when the flagpole topples over - Paulie's new bathroom, the neighbor's house, that lady's car that Will ran into, or does he just take out power for half of Stoughton? Maybe it'll just take out the boat!
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The dead hookers are in the way.
 
“Yeah... I’m not gonna let that punk Kaepernick disrespect the country I almost gave my life for.

I remember it like it was yesterday. The year was 1987 and we were off the coast of Key West on a marathon run to the Bahamas. That’s when we ran into almost 3 foot white caps. Poor Johnson was just a KID. A KID damn it... when he dropped his sunblock overboard. The afternoon sun just came at us from everywhere! Johnson never stood a chance damn it!!! Kid had... kind of... this... little sunburn right...on the bridge of his nose. DAMN YOU SPF 50!!!!! DAMN YOU STRAIGHT TO HELLLLLLL!!!

Me?? Don’t worry about me. I danced with the Devil many a’ time out on the seas while serving my country. 1986... “Top Gun” came out and told the story I wasn’t ALLOWED to tell. They were fighter pilots and I hung out on a Coast Guard boat but DAMN IT!! We BOTH played a shtiload of beach volleyball!!! The sand! Good Lord the sand!!! It was everywhere!!!

So Mr Kaepernick... wherever you are... you can kiss my azz! Cuz these colors don’t run!!

MERICA!!”
 
It was 1977, not 87.

And laugh it up all you like, Chuckles. We live in a world that has waves, and those waves have to be guarded by men wearing life preservers. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Cape? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for Kaepernick and you curse the Coast Guard. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know; that Johnson’s sunburn, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, *saves lives*. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on those waves. You need me on those waves. We use words like port, starboard, and dingy. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it! I would rather you just said "thank you" and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you put on your water wings and stand a watch. Either way, I’m not hauling a Bog Iron flag up my spiffy flagpole.
 
It was Jimmy Carter, Smartypants.

Listen, I get it. You’ve never gotten over my not being there the night your stupid Pine Box Derby car flew off the track and broke into a thousand pieces.

View attachment 524B1147-92F3-49B3-92BA-C68038F33432-5263-00000344367A96F6.jpg

You could have been the Number One Cub Scout in the world. You could have had every f’ing merit badge the Cub Scouts make. Except for me. You got them ALL but for that one. My bad. And because of that you hate all men in uniform.

Please let it go Brian. I’ve tried to make it up to you. How about if I let you raise the Cub Scout flag up my flagpole? Would you like that?
 
I bet you enjoyed your camping trip with Kevin Spacey, didn’t you?

Oh wait a minute.............

THAT’S why you have such an issue with my flagpole, isn’t it?

Did Cubmaster Spacey have you little Cub Scouts raising the halyard? Splicing the main brace? Shining the dolphin? Two-blocking the truck? Heaving on the ol’ capstan?

Now it’s all starting to make sense.
 
paulthenurse said:
I bet you enjoyed your camping trip with Kevin Spacey, didn’t you?

Oh wait a minute.............

THAT’S why you have such an issue with my flagpole, isn’t it?

Did Cubmaster Spacey have you little Cub Scouts raising the halyard? Splicing the main brace? Shining the dolphin? Two-blocking the truck? Heaving on the ol’ capstan?

Now it’s all starting to make sense.
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LOL... dude.... you were the seaman. Not me.
 
Damn, I’d think that after your Cub Scout camping trip adventures, semen would be the last word you’d be mentioning.

That’s good though. Speaking as a health care provider I’m glad to see you deal with those sorts of issues. That’s healthy. I’m glad.

Oh and I’ll call you next week when your test results come back. It’s probably closing the barn door after the horse has run but you should ‘wear your rubbers’ if you ‘go out in the rain’ before then.
 
Thanks guys I actually do know what the recommendations are for doing DRE’s. Not that it’s anything to brag about, but I’ve had my finger up more strangers asses than anyone on THIS thread with the exception of Yeager. I was just writing to bust Capes balls, not give medical advice.

Anyways rest in peace Bobby Doeer
 
InkBird 300

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