The Dysfunctional-Palooza Obnoxious Masshole BS Thread

[paulthenurse]

Nice. You're almost eligible for Massachusetts Green Card status.

Who am I sh!tting, in Massachusetts you can sign up for Mass Health, Section 8 housing and fill out your residency paperwork while you wait for your baggage at the carousel.

What I meant was that you're approaching the dickheadocity requirements to be granted a Level 1 Masshole card, with all the rights and honors thereunto pertaining.

 

[paulthenurse]

Good for her! Would love to run Boston, of course, but no way I'll ever get a qualifying time and it's a huge fundraising commitment to be on a charity bib.

She raised almost $9000! Yikes. That's a lot of scratch. Another friend raised just over 8. I think it's a $7500 minimum. She had fundraisers and yard sales and all kinds of things. We went to Fudruckers one night, they gave her a portion of the day's proceeds for anyone who said they were there for her fundraiser. ( I bought dinner for Al, my mom, a nephew and myself. 4 burgers and 2 beers and a couple cokes cost me over $100. I don't think Fudruckers is losing any money doing that.)

 

[the_bird]

I had $5000 in my head as the figure, but it wouldn't shock me if they bumped it up sometime in the last few years.

 

[paulthenurse]

So just embezzle from your clients funds to pay your marathon nut. It's not like you would be taking your secretary to Aruba with the money. Hell, Hoppy could probably make a decent argument that it was a 'charitable contribution' and any one of the storefront lawyers out there in Hooterville should be able to get you off. I'd go for it if I were you.

 

[TheDudeLebowski]

Hmmm..... Last remnants of snow are almost out of our parking lot with all this rain. See ya next year!

 

[paulthenurse]

It ain't over till the next full moon. Just sayin'

 

[HoppyDaze]

What a miserable place you guys reside. I see why you lean on the football team for your happiness. Kidding... never been there, but it looks sweet!

 

[HoppyDaze]

Only kidding .... for real. I bet summer is sweet. Thinking '19 I'll be in Beantown for a bit.

 

[bluemoose]

Rowdy accounting conference?

 

[Cape Brewing]

".... so the bartender says, 'amortize it?! I already capitalized it! '. LOL!!!!!!!!! Get it!?!? "

 

[paulthenurse]

On the plus side of the ledger, ain't a ho anywhere that won't offer a deep discount to a man with calluses on his fingertips.

 

[HoppyDaze]

".... so the bartender says, 'amortize it?! I already capitalized it! '. LOL!!!!!!!!! Get it!?!? "

Classic

 

[paulthenurse]

Classic

You can only deny it for so long. You're dying to move here and try to be one of us. It's ok. We get it.

 

[nhwrecker]

So Paul goes in for his annual physical.

The Doctor looks him over, and says, "You have to stop masterbating."

Paul says, "Why?",

and the doctor goes,


"Because I can't finish this physical........."

 

[paulthenurse]

So Paul goes to class this past Tuesday night and at the conclusion of the class he pulled a few bottles of champagne from his backpack and he, his 15 girlfriends and their professor toasted their successful completion of their Masters Degree. One more test to pass and Paul will be able to tell the Chief of Cardiology that he'll take him up on his job offer.

Or he'll follow his dream and open up a PID clinic at the Foxy Lady.

 

[TheDudeLebowski]

Just curious. So what hospital would this happen to be?

 

[bluemoose]

The one I will never, ever go to.

 

[paulthenurse]

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QI1go72c5H8[/ame]

 

[day_trippr]

So where da fuq did all these Cubs fans at Fenway come from?
Are they amongst us? Am I surrounded by closet Cubs fans?

 

[HoppyDaze]

Oh the irony

 

[paulthenurse]

It pains me to do it but I gotta go with Hoppy here.
Pink hats are everywhere.

(NOT calling you a pink hat, DT)

 

[TheDudeLebowski]

Can we start the countdown for the firing of Farrell now?

 

[day_trippr]

It pains me to do it but I gotta go with Hoppy here.
Pink hats are everywhere.

(NOT calling you a pink hat, DT)

Pink Hats? WTF. Those are pseudo Sox fans, an accepted nuisance at this point.
Before the netting went up they used to provide some entertainment value as they were the ones getting hit in the squash by foul balls and flung bats.
Now they just help drive up ticket prices.

But I was clearly asking where the hell all the Cubby fans came from...

 

[paulthenurse]

And I was saying that the Pink Hats had shifted their long held, deep allegiance to the latest fad, in this case, the Cubbys.

I saw a PH catch a foul in the kisser a few years ago. Pretty damned funny, he was talking nonstop on his cell phone, telling all his friends what a great time he was having at the ball game, never once looking at the field and annoying the hell out of those of us seated near him. Busted teeth, busted Iphone, busted dignity. My buddy got the ball after the damage was done.

 

[HoppyDaze]

There have always been lots of Cub fans everywhere. Bit of a reach to go calling them all band-wagoners. Are they more loud than before, of course...as bad as Pats fans, not even in the same galaxy.

 

[paulthenurse]

Jeezuz, learn another trick, would ya?

 

[bluemoose]

If the Cubs win 4 more this decade, they will have the right to be as insufferable as Pats fans.
Speaking of awesome, I am not really a basketball fan since the early 90's, but that game last night was amazing. Not the game I grew up with, but the celtics games in the playoffs have been pretty fun to watch.
I'm headed out to get a pink hat with a shamrock!

 

[Cape Brewing]

I just noticed PTN is a "forum supporter". You cheap f&$@. Like you're not on this site enough?

 

[HoppyDaze]

If the Cubs win 4 more this decade, they will have the right to be as insufferable as Pats fans.
Speaking of awesome, I am not really a basketball fan since the early 90's, but that game last night was amazing. Not the game I grew up with, but the celtics games in the playoffs have been pretty fun to watch.
I'm headed out to get a pink hat with a shamrock!

Cubs have no asterisks tho.

I too have watched NBA playoffs even after my Zers got swept by the ridiculous Warriors. Celtics seem to be a good group even though Isiah Thomas is a no good stinking Husky.

 

[paulthenurse]

With that be the asterisk the Patriots have for the greatest comeback of all time?