The Dysfunctional-Palooza Obnoxious Masshole BS Thread

[yeager1977]

FYI its not PTNs icu. I'm still alive...........................

 

[paulthenurse]

She...


Right!

She...

Sure Chris. She. Ya, she.

 

[paulthenurse]

And don't get your hopes raised being in ICU. Bed baths in ICU aren't the same as bed baths in pornography. I should know. I've both watched and washed a ton.

 

[yeager1977]

And don't get your hopes raised being in ICU. Bed baths in ICU aren't the same as bed baths in pornography. I should know. I've both watched and washed a ton.

And enjoyed them more than you should

 

[paulthenurse]

I think we hurt the_bird's feelings. Either that or that mega packy opened up sooner than he expected.

 

[bob1852]

Hey Cape, what's your spice rub for pastrami?

Gonna smoke up four flats this weekend.

 

[ComcastWineRookie]

Hey Cape, what's your spice rub for pastrami?

Gonna smoke up four flats this weekend.

Im gonna go out on a limb and say a little of this and a little of that

 

[bob1852]

Im gonna go out on a limb and say a little of this and a little of that

I'm sure he takes a known pastrami recipe and puts his own little spin on it.

 

[Whut]

Good grief, yet another thread for me to waste so much time in? I think not. Wait a minute, I don't invest much in the other, either.

 

[day_trippr]

Jeeze, so they just let any random riff-raff in here?

Cheers!

 

[bob1852]

Jeeze, so they just let any random riff-raff in here?

Cheers!

You're all massholes, whut an I are azzholes.

 

[day_trippr]

You're all massholes, whut an I are azzholes.

Ah, so it's a charity thing.

My deepest of sympathies to both of you, of course.

Carry on, then...

 

[paulthenurse]

AZ, I know you asked the world renowned BBQ eggs-pert,Senior Cape, but I thought you might want something that tastes good so I'm offering this as a suggestion. Brine for a few days in your favorite brine solution but it should have a heavy hand with the garlic and more than several bay leaves. The day before you want to cook remove the briskets from the brine and let them air dry. Then rub them with a 50/50 mix of whole black peppercorns and whole coriander seeds. Toast them individually in a dry frying pan over low heat until they are toasted but in no way scorched. Grind them desperately in a spice grinder/coffee mill. (The coriander will be powder long before the pepper is ground if you do them together so grind separately then combine.). Rub on a GENEROUS layer, wrap in plastic overnight then smoke them low and slow as usual. Do make the mistake of smoking with mesquite. Totally wrong flavor. Ask me how I know that.

 

[bob1852]

AZ, I know you asked the world renowned BBQ eggs-pert,Senior Cape, but I thought you might want something that tastes good so I'm offering this as a suggestion. Brine for a few days in your favorite brine solution but it should have a heavy hand with the garlic and more than several bay leaves. The day before you want to cook remove the briskets from the brine and let them air dry. Then rub them with a 50/50 mix of whole black peppercorns and whole coriander seeds. Toast them individually in a dry frying pan over low heat until they are toasted but in no way scorched. Grind them desperately in a spice grinder/coffee mill. (The coriander will be powder long before the pepper is ground if you do them together so grind separately then combine.). Rub on a GENEROUS layer, wrap in plastic overnight then smoke them low and slow as usual. Do make the mistake of smoking with mesquite. Totally wrong flavor. Ask me how I know that.

Thanks PTN. There's so many recipes out there, the reason I asked Cape is so I know what not to do.

 

[bottlebomber]

Thanks PTN. There's so many recipes out there, the reason I asked Cape is so I know what not to do.

Cape does the same thing PTN does, but when he's finished he shoves the brisket inside of a whole chuck roast and repeats steps 1-5.

 

[paulthenurse]

Bomber, you DO realize you're stroking a massively overinflated ego saying sh!t like that, right? When it goes you won't be able to swallow fast enough to keep from drowning.

And AZ, edit my post to read "grind the spices seperately"not desperitely. The only truly desperite thing around here is Yeager.

 

[Cape Brewing]

Sorry Az... was out of commission yesterday and just seeing this now. I can track it down when I get home tonight if you want to do it right.

 

[bottlebomber]

Bomber, you DO realize you're stroking a massively overinflated ego saying sh!t like that, right? When it goes you won't be able to swallow fast enough to keep from drowning.

Like a retahded kid, you've got to give him a pat on the back now and then so he'll keep running in circles with his bicycle helmet.

 

[bob1852]

Sorry Az... was out of commission yesterday and just seeing this now. I can track it down when I get home tonight if you want to do it right.

Thanks Cape. I'm just curious as to what dry rub you use.

These will be faux-strami anyways; couldn't pass up on some corned beef sales.

I apologize in advance that I'm not slaughtering the cow myself, hacking apart the flats from the points, and curing for 14 days.

 

[Cape Brewing]

Ugggg. Why even bother then??

 

[paulthenurse]

Why not just head down to the deli at the local Piggly Wiggly and pick up a pound of Boars Head. Sure, 30 seconds in the microwave ain't exactly the same as doing it right but no one will know, right? Before your guests come over you should spark up the UDS, that will fool the pants right off them.

 

[bob1852]

Why not just head down to the deli at the local Piggly Wiggly and pick up a pound of Boars Head. Sure, 30 seconds in the microwave ain't exactly the same as doing it right but no one will know, right? Before your guests come over you should spark up the UDS, that will fool the pants right off them.

'Cuz I don't have a local deli, and I have a WSM not a UDS.

*******.

 

[TheDudeLebowski]

Don't forget to calculate the correct ratio of gallons of oil per pound of meat to fry it in.

 

[paulthenurse]

'Cuz I don't have a local deli, and I have a WSM not a UDS.

*******.

What kind of god forsaken hell hole do you live in? No deli? At all? None? No knishes? No lox and bagels? Not a matzo ball to be found?

I always figured that deli food was a pretty fair trade off for allowing some old guy with a beard to lop off the end of your popo. You must live in the desert that Moses led the tribe out of.

 

[Cape Brewing]

*******.

Oh SNAP!

LOL.... Its funny cuz its true.

 

[Cape Brewing]

Az.... Just lightly toasted coriander seeds and black peppercorns. Coarsely crushed. Tablespoon of each. Cold smoke for long as you can and then hot smoke to 150 internal

 

[bob1852]

Az.... Just lightly toasted coriander seeds and black peppercorns. Coarsely crushed. Tablespoon of each. Cold smoke for long as you can and then hot smoke to 150 internal

Thanks. I'll let you know how it turns out. Even with it being fauxstrami, I'm sure it'll be much better than anything PTN has ever made. I mean, it's gotta turn out better than a crooked shed and crooked party trophy.

 

[paulthenurse]

Az.... Just lightly toasted coriander seeds and black peppercorns. Coarsely crushed. Tablespoon of each. Cold smoke for long as you can and then hot smoke to 150 internal

So basically, you are regurgitating exactly what I told him yesterday.
I AM an azz hole. You're an azz hole wannabe, it's endearing.

 

[yeager1977]

Well he is your son. He should be trying to emulate you right?

 

[paulthenurse]

It gets him all upset whenever that gets brought up. I think it's the flashbacks to having to leave the little red Tonka Truck behind when he and his mother had to flee the Gobi desert.