The Dysfunctional-Palooza Obnoxious Masshole BS Thread

[DakotaRules]

Get into the brew a bit early?

Always start early, so I can get to work before you!

 

[paulthenurse]

Huh?

 

[yeager1977]

Huh?

My thoughts exactly.... Like I said, he started drinking a bit early

 

[nhwrecker]

Happy Thanksgiving, all. Let me re-phrase that, in true Masshole talk. Hope all your birds suck!!!!! That's not true, but I had to say it. I"m down in FL with the in-laws family, or at least part of it. The true rednecks from Southern AL couldn't make it (really bums us out......) but I'm still down here with some former Mississippi -ers. They're still pissed off about losing the "War of Northern Aggression". I'm not sure if I'm going to be eating turkey, or being considered a northern turkey, with risk of getting shot down here. Gotta love the south (No you don't, and I never will).

Anyway, in getting ready to spend the day with "family", if you don't start drinking by 9AM, you can't brag about drinking all day. So I and the SWMBO had to get up early, and get to the Friendly Bar, in Indian Rocks, FL, just south of Clearwater Beach, for the $1.50 Bloody Mary's.

Ran into a bunch of Massholes, and had a great time swilling BM's and beers over breakfast, with everyone byaching about family on Thanksgiving!

Who doesn't have a dysfunctional family? This could be the national holiday for this thread! Happy Dysfunctional-Palooza Obnoxious Masshole Thanksgiving everyone - may all your families suck more than mine (but good luck with that!) Mort

Plus, WTF just happened with the ref's giving up a free touchdown to Houston 'cause they didn't see the knee on the ground? Of course Detroits coach is going to through the red flag! Are the subs back in today, working the holiday? Doesn't look well for the Pat's game, if that's the case, cause we all know NY Jets games are rigged............

 

[paulthenurse]

Hey Mort, did you hear about the dive boat turning turtle in Miami? Got pooped coming into an inlet and capsized. One dead and one in critical condition. Yikes!

 

[nhwrecker]

Yikes is right! Just saw the story - a 45' catamaran glass bottom sight seeing and snorkeling boat hit by a rogue wave.

then just heard about a 100 car pile up in SE Texas that killed four or more due to fog in Texas.

Rogue waves. Rare fog in Texas. Sounds like the Mayan Appocolypse (or however you spell that) is happening earlier than planned!!

 

[paulthenurse]

Twinkies are no more, I say the Mayan Apocalypse can't get here soon enough.

Hey D'bag, are you and Pat coming on Sunday?

 

[nhwrecker]

Hey PTN.
I just sent you an email. Sorry about last night - flying home to Logan from Orlando via Chicago really sucked and kicked our butts (thanks United, for all the last minute changes). And being on a full plane from Orlando full of screaming kids - what's the incubation period for germs passed on by snott-nosed, spoiled brats wearing mouse-ears? I ought to be sniffling in another two days. Flying gets harder and harder every year. The last plane we were on was so old even the recyclers wouldn't take it.

 

[paulthenurse]

Everybody who hares airlines raise your hand...

 

[bluemoose]

Everybody who hares airlines raise your hand...

I hare them, I hare them good!

 

[paulthenurse]

F'ing autocorrect.


I hare Bluemoose.

 

[Cape Brewing]

I hare what this thread has come to.

It's a sad sad day

 

[paulthenurse]

This should generate a much more enthusiastic response...

Everyone who hates Cape raise your hand.

Mine's up.

 

[Cape Brewing]

(Yaaaaaaawn)

 

[ComcastWineRookie]

booooooring

 

[the_bird]

Meh.

Need to figure out how to keep my wife from crashing her car. Nothing bad, she just hit a guardrail last night on her way back over the mountain, ****ed up the bumperskin. But, every year she gets into a little accident that's not exactly her fault, but not exactly *not* her fault, either. Just driving a little too fast for the conditions, or whathaveyou. Always seems to be this same time of year. Took out a bread truck last year when she was driving too fast through icy/slushy conditions and didn't have her snow tires on yet. Last night, she had JUST gotten the snows on, she calls me at 9:00-ish to say she was coming home, I told her "don't do anything stupid, take your time coming home"... she gets home, comes upstairs and says "I don't THINK I did anything stupid..."

It's like five accidents - none serious, although I think her car was "totaled" twice - in the past ten years.

And then she gets mad at me because I don't ask her how she is before I grab the headlight to survey the damage. "I *KNOW* you're alright, you're right here!"

At least I didn't call her "Crash," like I did after the bread-truck incident.

Aigh. Now, I've got to drive the ghetto-looking car for the rest of the winter, because I don't trust that she won't crash it again. And, she'll drive my AWD vehicle over the mountain - WHICH I OFFERED TO HER YESTERDAY, but she declined.

 

[Cape Brewing]

You should buy her a helmet

 

[paulthenurse]

How about "Crust" instead of "Crash?"

 

[the_bird]

Actually, I think last year I began calling her "Thumper". She still didn't appreciate it.

 

[DakotaRules]

Glad she's alright. I was going to say, I thought she was I a wreck last year and before too!

 

[ComcastWineRookie]

get her inflatable bumpers for the car, might save a little on the damage

 

[paulthenurse]

Ok, I'll be the voice of reason here...

(Stop farking laughing, you D'bags, I'm being semi-serious.)

She has proven she can't drive. The woman leaves more carnage in her wake than a farkin' Japanese tsunami. Why in the farkin' world would you want to give her the UNDAMAGED car so she can add that to her list of broken hearts? Seriously? The ****** drives like she's Rapid Freakin' Roy, the Stock Car Boy. How many cars must die before you buy her a $500.00 El Dorado and turn her loose? Seriously? I'm only being your friend here. Your insurance agent has her picture on his dartboard. He has a voodoo doll that looks curiously like her. And YOU are feeding the farkin' flames.

Save yourself!

I know a guy who has a '74 Continental that is mint, Sorta. Want his number?

PTN

 

[paulthenurse]

Uhhhhh Shannon?

If Jay shows you this post my defense is that I finished a course in Public Health tonight with Florence the Farkin' Hun as the professor and I've had a few to celebrate my C- final grade.

If he doesn't show it to you than I redact this post.

 

[the_bird]

Paulie, you've been outed.

 

[paulthenurse]

What is really weird is you finding that Dear Abby-ism.

I will say this though, there aren't many woman who can look hot and sexy standing on the stern of a dive boat wearing a drysuit and 20 pounds of lead and the obligatory pair of fins. I'm lucky to be married to one who can. Fortunately the fins stay in the dive bag between dives.

 

[the_bird]

Actually, it kind of makes sense now.

 

[paulthenurse]

Video Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o70z5wzExMU

Actually, it kind of makes sense now.

Always made sense to me.

 

[DakotaRules]

Bird I kind of agree with Paul on this. Why in the hell would you put her in your undamaged vehicle???

 

[paulthenurse]

bird,

Have you ever gone by the auto body shop where she takes the car? I'm betting it the auto body equivalent of Hooters for woman. It's not possible to be that bad a driver. She HAS to be sandbagging you. C'mon. Every six months she gets into an accident that's just bothersome enough that she has to bring the car to the shop. And she never even chips a fingernail?

Lets face it, you're fugly as hell. She's just checkin' out the auto mechanic eye candy! I applaud the woman. Way to play the game, birdette!

 

[the_bird]

Yeah.... no. And I'm the one who deals with the auto shop! As to her going in my (undamaged) car... it's an '04 Element with ~130k miles that I've beat the living **** out of treating it like a pickup. I'm not that worried.