The Dysfunctional-Palooza Obnoxious Masshole BS Thread

[the_bird]

So, I'm building a fence at the new house. Digging a metric ****ton of fence post holes. Most of them going down ~3 1/2 feet, but at the top of the hill, there are a ton of trees, so a ton of roots, and the soil includes every freakin' rock that wasn't used in the foundation, it's a PITA.

So, the hole for the corner post, I'm down maybe 18 inches, and I can't get much further. I've got a big-ass metal bar with a sharp edge on it, I'm hitting that with a sledge, I'm chopping up roots, I'm digging out rocks, but it's slow going.

One spot in particular, it's real tough. I'm doing everything I can to get this one root out of the way. And, I finally cut through, cut a piece off.

It's not a gas line.

It's not an electric line.

It's a bone. Like, a dog's femur. Or a retarded stepchild. Probably a dog femur, though.

So.... WTF do I do now?!? I put the piece back in, but I *have* to put the corner post in that spot, I have to connect to an existing fence and I have other obstacles to work around. I guess that one post is only going to be 18" down. Maybe I'll put concrete around that one. Not sure yet.

But, ****. Appears I just dug up the old owners' dog. It's like Poltergeist meets Pet Cemetery, I just know I'm going to get bitten some night by a three-legged ghost dog. ****.

 

[DakotaRules]

Don't worry, if it's a ghost it'll bite right through you!

 

[bluemoose]

Explosives?

 

[Cape Brewing]

DUDE!!!! Find the skull!!! You can tooooootally make a bong out of it!!

 

[DakotaRules]

dude!!!! Find the skull!!! You can tooooootally make a bong out of it!!

+1

 

[paulthenurse]

I've done you a favor and called a friend of mine who works over at Harvard. He's the head of the Anthropology Department. He specializes in American Indians of the East Coast. I showed him your post and asked him how long it would take for such dense growth to cover a grave. He got ALL excited, started going on and on about growth rates and the Old Farmers Almanac and the Micmac Indian's Burial Rites and a bunch of other stuff that frankly, I couldn't even follow.

Well the upshot is that I gave him your address and he's on the Pike right now, with nine or ten grad students and they're headed your way. He asked my not to let you know they're coming, something about 'preserving the integrity of the site,' whatever that means.

The good news is that they'll be taking over and doing all the digging for you from now on. He was wicked excited, what with summer coming and him not having a summer excavation lined up. They'll be waiting for you when you get home from work. I wonder what he needed that injunction for that he called Judge Lowenstein about?

PTN

 

[paulthenurse]

Ps
Do me a favor and don't tell him I told you. He wanted to surprise you, but I thought you might need some time to get the spare bedroom cleaned up.

Oh ya, they need a place to stay for a while. Only till the tents get there. They'll be set up by Monday.

 

[TheDudeLebowski]

Bird,

Good news. This also allows you to claim 1/32 Cherokee and to be accepted into Harvard due to your homestead lore. Elizabeth Warren is now performing a solstice dance and sweat lodge in your shed.

 

[bluemoose]

bird,

good news. This also allows you to claim 1/32 cherokee and to be accepted into harvard due to your homestead lore. Elizabeth warren is now performing a solstice dance and sweat lodge in your shed.

bwahahahahahahaha!

 

[paulthenurse]

So whats your Indian name gonna be? Bird with a Dog Bone? Dances with *********s? Hopping Mad?

 

[bob1852]

+1

+1 has been replaced with nestar:

PKU

 

[paulthenurse]

? Was dat mean?

 

[bob1852]

? Was dat mean?

Oops. I'm lost. Please redirect me to the Tap Room. m'kay. Thanks.

:hs:

 

[yeager1977]

Hey Grits,
Don't let us inbred Neanderthals bother you. We'll probably spend most of our time busting your balls but we'll let you hang out with us. You might consider joining the South Shore Brew Club. Most of us are members. We meet at one house or another once a month to drink ourselves senseless and bust each others balls, all under the disguise of appreciating the finer points of beer. The truly amazing part is that our wives buy that bull****. For most of us, they probably know that's bullsheet but just go along to get rid of us for a night of peace and quiet.

So again, welcome.

PTN
ps
You need to show us pics of your wife in some provocative pose, preferably without clothes, if you want to hang with us. You're from Alabama, it's not like you don't already let other guys watch her shower for pocket change.

He doesn't want to show her because she looks just like him, she's his sister.... Remember, he's from alabama

 

[ComcastWineRookie]

he doesn't want to show her because she looks just like him, she's his sister.... Remember, he's from alabama

thats the pot calling the kettle black.

 

[year2beer]

He doesn't want to show her because she looks just like him, she's his sister.... Remember, he's from alabama

Listen boys, there are plenty of women walking around in short dresses... don't try to.fool me into looking at my sister! I mean... my wife, or cousin? **** I get this all mixed up after a few shots of the ole' shine! Well, guess the secret is out now???

On a serious note... there are some damn hot women in the south... until they turn into Paula Dean, so don't hate too much.

 

[DakotaRules]

Listen boys, there are plenty of women walking around in short dresses... don't try to.fool me into looking at my sister! I mean... my wife, or cousin? **** I get this all mixed up after a few shots of the ole' shine! Well, guess the secret is out now???

On a serious note... there are some damn hot women in the south... until they turn into Paula Dean, so don't hate too much.

At that point they can cook and suck on a stick of butter!

 

[paulthenurse]

I'm must be an extremely twisted individual. You don't even want to know the mental image I got when I read Dakota's response.

 

[ComcastWineRookie]

Listen boys, there are plenty of women walking around in short dresses... don't try to.fool me into looking at my sister! I mean... my wife, or cousin? **** I get this all mixed up after a few shots of the ole' shine! Well, guess the secret is out now???

On a serious note... there are some damn hot women in the south... until they turn into Paula Dean, so don't hate too much.

now thats something I can agree with, lived in Panama City Beach for a couple years back in 2005, yum yum. Now let here a little more about that shine you were talkin abnout

 

[paulthenurse]

Apparently Rookie finished high school there, where spelling and punctuation are optional

 

[ComcastWineRookie]

Finished High School? youre given me way ta much credit

 

[homebeerbrewer]

He said "finished", not graduated...

 

[paulthenurse]

We know you, Rookie. Trust me, no one is giving you credit for anything.

 

[the_bird]

Hey, if I was stuck in high school for six years, I would have quit, too.

 

[DakotaRules]

Hey, if I was stuck in high school for six years, I would have quit, too.

Lol!

 

[TheDudeLebowski]

I think Comcast has a new nom de guerre. These personal insults are going too far. Wait to far:

https://www.homebrewtalk.com/f22/tos-issue-330438/

 

[TheDudeLebowski]

She keeps hiding his Erector set.

 

[the_bird]

Meh. Ask for advice. Get universal advice that you dislike. Ignore advice and get pissy. Profit!

I really don't understand the original thread. I've never seen such a strong consensus among HBT'er on ANY issue - EVERYONE told him that his hiding her stuff was childish and a really, really bad idea, and he wants to ignore us.

Serious, have you ever seen EVERYBODY agree on something like that? You could ask the question, "Do you like beer?" and you wouldn't get that kind of consensus around here.

Aigh, whatever.

 

[bob1852]

I've never seen such a strong consensus among HBT'er on ANY issue

Did you miss the "Russian River Brewing sucks" thread?

 

[the_bird]

Did you miss the "Russian River sucks" thread?

... intentionally.