The Dysfunctional-Palooza Obnoxious Masshole BS Thread

[the_bird]

Jay, you did a nice job fixing the place up. It will sell quickly and you'll be in the new place shortly. Where are you going?

Not far; we've got an accepted offer on a big, converted old Victorian in the center of town - a little closer to Greylock, a little closer to the country club. But, twice the square footage, and all the hard work already done.

 

[Cape Brewing]

Ahhh... near Greylock... yeah, that's where ya wanna be.

 

[the_bird]

Well, the next time Tubby wants to ski the Thunderbolt, he can swing by the house for a beer.

 

[Cape Brewing]

(blank stare)

 

[Cape Brewing]

Totally brewing Sunday. After a trip to Armando's in Pawtucket to grab some bellies and assorted meat fo' curing.

I got the green light on a whole day of meat curing, brewing and drinking beers.

Excuse me while I do the I Win Dance... (and no, the I Win Dance does not in any way look like Yeager's dance that was previously posted on this thread... it is VERY VERY different)

Debating what kind of animal I am gonna cook with fire.

 

[paulthenurse]

Well, the next time Tubby wants to ski the Thunderbolt, he can swing by the house for a beer.

PM me the address, you KNOW I'll be out there at least once this season.

Do you think we should tell the Dancing Dingleberry about The Thunderbolt? He's probably never been further west than Worcester.

Mt Greylock is the highest point in the state. (Literary legend has it that Melville used to be able to see it from his farm in Pittsfield and gazing on it's snow covered shoulders inspired him while he was writing. You HAVE heard of Herman Melville,haven't you, Mr Blank Face?

Once upon a time someone (?CCC) cut a ski trail on it. No lifts, no road, no snowmaking. Just a semi-abandoned back country trail, maintained by volunteers. You want to ski it you get to the top the old fashioned way, you climb up. It's a lovely run, double fall lines, an old fashioned New England sky trail in every sense of the term. Its very reminiscent of The Sherbie on Mt Washington. They still hold a race there every year. (for that matter they still hold the Tony Matt every year on The Rockpile.)

I should challenge Cape to a race, start in the parking lot, haul ass to the top, first one back to the cars wins but I always feel bad when he starts crying after getting schooled and I promised to take it easy on him for a while.

PTN

 

[paulthenurse]

Hint. Hint.

I think we need a MasstoberWest this summer.

Hint. Hint.

 

[the_bird]

Had the inspection this afternoon - no real issues. Evidence of a little water in the basement, but from some pretty obvious sources (badly placed gutters, and need to fix the grading on one part of the property). Only big thing was that the huge, underlaid porcelain sink is coming apart from the granite (needs to be supported undernearth). Mostly very little stuff, nothing that's deal breaking.

And, cross my damn fingers, my agent got a call when we were in the basement; there are people who are anxious (her words) to see our place, so we're finishing the cleaning tomorrow and letting them in tomorrow night. We'll have to see.

And yes, MasstoberWest sounds like a wonderful friggin' idea.

Oh, and I'm not a skier, but I've climbed the Thunderbolt (accidentally; went up the wrong trail); that's a friggin' crazy trail. I've said it before, I'll say it again, you're completely ****ing bonkers going down that thing.

 

[paulthenurse]

I feel a need!

A need for speed!

 

[paulthenurse]

However, if you average my speed skiing down with my speed climbing up I'm barely at a brisk walk.

MasstoberWest! Coming soon to a boondocks near you! Wanna borrow Bertha?

 

[the_bird]

I'm going to BUILD Bertha, this time. Two oil tanks in the basement, but natural gas on the street; we'll be converting at some point - maybe not this spring, but maybe the year after.

Really nice stone-paver patio in the back, with a built-in propane grill. Hard plumbed to the house.

 

[paulthenurse]

Call a maid service for some help. It will be money well spent, even with the last minute premium.


Btw, I did that a couple years ago when Alice was up my ass about being messy. I work full time at one job and part time at a second as does she and I don't want to spend my days off scrubbing toilets, and I don't want to have her spending her day off doing it either. So for her birthday I got her a year of maid service. They come every two weeks, scrub the toilets, wash the floors, clean the stove, etc. It's farkin wonderful. My weekends are free to hang out with my wife and someone else vacuums. And it's really not that expensive, I think it's $50 every two weeks. Best money you can spend.

 

[the_bird]

We've been scrambling like mo'fos for the past week, so the house is in pretty good shape. I can disappear for a day without too many people calling out search parties, so I'm going to keep lugging more stuff to the storage unit ('bout ready to need a second one). We're basically there, especially since he mom is in town and is helping out a little.

Still, as the great Winston Wolf once said,

 

[DakotaRules]

MasstoberWest sounds interesting.... I would like to ski too....

 

[paulthenurse]

MasstoberWest sounds interesting.... I would like to ski too....

Next big...cough...cough...cough snow sto...cough...cough...cough...storm we'll drive out there...cough...cough...early and tear it up. You sound terrible, you should stay home till that cough improves.

 

[DakotaRules]

Next big...cough...cough...cough snow sto...cough...cough...cough...storm we'll drive out there...cough...cough...early and tear it up. You sound terrible, you should stay home till that cough improves.

Don't worry, I don't want you to embarrass yourself on the slope in front on me.

 

[the_bird]

So, I think my ears have finally stopped bleeding. Concert was last night.

Interesting thing I learned; Ani DiFranco is no longer a lesbian. Just like 90% of her audience, seems she realized sometime after college that she really does like a good dicking, so she married a bloke. Very confused when she started talking about her husband using the male pronouns.

Also, almost *died* when some girl in the Statler and Waldorf seats tried to clap along with one of the songs...... poor girl.

Ugh. Brutal. And, the MIL's was in town (and sleeping in the next room).... so have to wait a day or two for any reciprocation for being such a good husband. May have to wait until after the open house ("I don't want to have to wash the sheets again!")

 

[paulthenurse]

EF = Thank You?

 

[the_bird]

Then we'd * definitely* have to wash the sheets again.

Pretty sure my wife is crushing on the woman who was the opening act. I think I'm alright with that.

 

[paulthenurse]

Don't worry, I don't want you to embarrass yourself on the slope in front on me.

You...mid 30's Former USA Ski Team member.

Me... Fifties and fat.

I don't think I'll be in front of you on the slopes. Unless they've opened up a bar at the bottom of the trail.

 

[the_bird]

You...mid 30's Former USA Ski Team member.

Me... Fifties and fat.

I don't think I'll be in front of you on the slopes. Unless they've opened up a bar at the bottom of the trail.

Speaking of bars, I think I've convinced the_Wife to let me convert the little closet off the kitchen (that leads to the nice stone patio) into a little bar nook. Put in a cabinet with some glass doors and interior lighting, for the liquor. Maybe a wine rack on the side (I'll build a wine cellar in the basement at some point). Build myself a little two- or three-tap kegerator for upstairs. Right between the grill and the pisser, so perfectly convenient.

I mean, it's either that or have a place to keep the broom and mop. Bar wins.

 

[Cape Brewing]

Agreed... mop storage is dramatically over rated

 

[paulthenurse]

Two votes for "Bar."

 

[paulthenurse]

Pretty sure my wife is crushing on the woman who was the opening act. I think I'm alright with that.

So why us it that two guys bumping uglies gets guys vaguely nauseous but two chicks doing the grind makes us all want to jump on the love pile? Strange dichotomy.

 

[Cape Brewing]

Bring scallops over on Sunday and I'll let you cook them

 

[paulthenurse]

Gee thanks. What a great offer.

We'll see. It depends on how we do. I've never been to this bed, just found it last month. The size of the catch depends on how long it takes to find what depth they're at. The thing you have going for you is that scallops whisper my name with fearful voices.

Besides, I thought you didn't like scallops?

 

[Cape Brewing]

I dont. I am sure other people do though.

Ooo. How about you just drop some off? That way you don't have to be there.

 

[paulthenurse]

How about I just drop a paper bag full of dog **** on your porch and set it on fire? That's always a good way to let someone know how you feel about them.

 

[Cape Brewing]

Nah, scallops would be way better

 

[paulthenurse]

I should rephrase that. It would be a good way to let you know how I feel about you.