The Dysfunctional-Palooza Obnoxious Masshole BS Thread

[the_bird]

You totally should have drawn a penis on his face. Like this.

 

[paulthenurse]

A nap.


That is to naps what Tim Tebow is to quarterbacks.

 

[Melana]

Once again you guys are the best at taking things to the next level!

 

[paulthenurse]

Heh. Heh heh.

He drew a penis on Cape's face!

Heh heh!

Hey ********!

Heh heh!

 

[paulthenurse]

Once again you guys are the best at taking things to the next level!

This is the Limbo Thread. How low can you go?

 

[DakotaRules]

You totally should have drawn a penis on his face. Like this.

That's too funny! Like high school!

 

[DakotaRules]

Stripping wallpapering and finishing our bedroom before we move in is a smart idea. Also being able to plug in a TV to watch it in the only finished room in the house works for me.

 

[Cape Brewing]

Hey Paulie... given the rain, I can't imagine the boys' soccer games will actually be played. That means I'll actually be freed up for a good chunk of the late morning/early afternoon.

but yeah, still not coming.

 

[paulthenurse]

Thank you, sweet Baby Jeebuz!

 

[nhwrecker]

Hey Mort (whoever you are), it looks like I've been drafted to help you brew on Paulie's system. That means we can make a massive mess and it's Paulie's problem, not ours.

Ya sit in two meetings that take up all morning, and all of a sudden there's 5 pages of byatching to get caught up on with fellow Massholes. Gotta love it. Hi Bird, we met briefly at last year's Masstoberfest, and I look forward to seeing you again. It's too bad Cape can't be there to help mentor me in my first all grain brew, but I guess he's going to be busy not brewing at Bogiron. Maybe he'll be ironing his sox..

Does anyone have any legitimate feedback on what to do about smoking grain that I asked a bit ago? I also appologize for actually asking a brewing related question in this thread, so let me also add that I think you all suck, and I promise to not actually use any of your advise.

 

[the_bird]

So,

Seeing as there's going to be a pig smoking this weekend during a "brewing event", I was wondering what is involved with smoking some grain for a future brew. I assume you can't just put the grains in the smoker, as you don't want to deal with the heat. Do you need to rig up something for a cold smoker as shown in this picture from another thread on HBT on smoked IPA's ? (https://www.homebrewtalk.com/f12/smoked-ipa-13801/index2.html#post133532).

How long would you want to keep the grains on the smoke? Is this pan of malt just sitting on a black stand to keep it off the ground, or is there water under the pan too? How would you store the grain afterwards? I think I read in Mosher's book that you need to let them "air out" for a few weeks to get rid of the harshness of the smoke first? Anybody got much experience smoking grain?

Or is everyone's smoking experience here only with pigs and crack?

I've only used store-bought smoked grains (many of which are excellent), but from all reading I've done you want to cold-smoke and you should moisten the grain first to maximize the absorption. Oh, and the grain needs to sit a few days post-smoking. Ray Daniels' and Geoff Larson's book is an excellent resource.

But you probably know as much as I do; I haven't gotten around to setting up a cold-smoker yet.

 

[Cape Brewing]

Mort... I sat in on session on smoking grains at the NHC last year that was given by the guy from Alaskan (Alaskan Smoked Porter).

You def don't want to soak the grain but giving them a very light spray is not a bad idea. Indirect, cold smoke (like you saw in that picture) is what you want to do.

The only other advice, and you probably won't like it... Is to experiment. He was saying that there is no real "correct" answer on how long as it depends on the wood, the set up, your specific preferences, how much of the grain youre going to use in your recipe, etc.

I never heard anything about having to "air out" the grain post smoking.

My suggestion would be to do something like a 15 minute smoke on 5% of the grain bill ad see where that gets you. Once you try the final beer, you can adjust accordingly.

 

[the_bird]

I never heard anything about having to "air out" the grain post smoking.

I have. It was in Daniels' book. Think there may be some undesirable pheonolics (sp?) that are fairly volatile and will dissipate if given a chance. Don't think you need to leave them out, though - but a couple days in a paper bag should work.

EDIT: Personally, 15 minutes of cold smoke (if it's really cold smoke, not 225° smoke like you're cooking ribs or something) doesn't seem like a lot.

 

[Cape Brewing]

I thought those phenolics were a function of direct hot smoking. One the points that was brought up was the problems with hot smoke... the real possibility of getting a lot of "volatile" acrid particulate on the grain. I would think the cold-smoke would fix that issue but I will certainly defer to the book.

On the timing... Again.. I'll certainly defer but when it comes to smoked beers, I think a smoked beer that isn't smoky enough is still absolutely drinkable... Too much smoke and I'm not sure that's the case.

Maybe try fifteen minutes, take the grain out and give it a smell? If it doesn't give you any real smoke aroma, give it another 15 minutes?

 

[the_bird]

I do concur with the main advice... experiment! Worst-case, you end up with a ****ton of smoked beer.

I'll try to remember to bring the book out with me tomorrow.

 

[the_bird]

Here's a question for those of you who use smokers. I've been wanting to buy myself a smoker, probably getting one of the smokers with a side fire box. Can you use those for smoking malt, or do they still run too hot? If I've got just a small fire in the side box, will the main chamber still be too hot for smoking malt? I know I can still run some of the dyer tubing to a cardboard box like in Mort's pic, but I'd like to minimize the "ghetto" element somewhat if I can.

 

[nhwrecker]

Thanks for the input. I'll plan on having enough tins, etc. to be able to end up with a few different smoked levels of grain. Guess it's also going to depend on how heavy it is or isn't raining - of course maybe we'll just use one of the tents for the smoker, or I may be able to swing by Cape's and get that umbrella......

 

[Cape Brewing]

I think spreading the grain out evenly on a screen would be a dramatically better method

 

[the_bird]

I've always envisioned making a wooden box with a whole bunch of window screens stacked up inside, pumping the cold smoke into the side. Project for this winter. Maybe a small computer fan to ensure good circulation. But surface area is key, you want the grain spread out as much as you can.

 

[Cape Brewing]

Here's a question for those of you who use smokers. I've been wanting to buy myself a smoker, probably getting one of the smokers with a side fire box. Can you use those for smoking malt, or do they still run too hot? If I've got just a small fire in the side box, will the main chamber still be too hot for smoking malt? I know I can still run some of the dyer tubing to a cardboard box like in Mort's pic, but I'd like to minimize the "ghetto" element somewhat if I can.

I can't give direct advice on that smoker. I was going to get one of those but them decided I would just get a nice one so I've never used one like that. I have one of the Masterbuilt digitals... and I can't lube up enough over that thing. Bird... Digital control from 100 to 275 degrees. I cold smoke bacon over night.. For like 16 hours. It's straight pimpin. It has a built in meat thermometer and a freakin remote. "Oh I wonder what my internal temp is out there in the smoker... Oh.. Hold on. Lemme check the remote".

Do it.

Trust me.

 

[the_bird]

I can't give direct advice on that smoker. I was going to get one of those but them decided I would just get a nice one so I've never used one like that. I have one of the Masterbuilt digitals... and I can't lube up enough over that thing. Bird... Digital control from 100 to 275 degrees. I cold smoke bacon over night.. For like 16 hours. It's straight pimpin. It has a built in meat thermometer and a freakin remote. "Oh I wonder what my internal temp is out there in the smoker... Oh.. Hold on. Lemme check the remote".

Do it.

Trust me.

SOmething like this?

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B003XJGEGY/?tag=skimlinks_replacement-20

That's not necessarily out of the budget. The side-box ones are maybe a hundred bucks less, but I can justify the $100 difference if I can set it up and not have to futz with it while I'm working on the house or doing whatever all day.

 

[Melana]

Wait, electric? WHAT is THAT all about?

 

[paulthenurse]

Don't talk bad about the electric. I'm throwing a 17 pound brisket in mine tonight before I go to bed. Won't have to worry about it one lick overnight. Set it and forget it. 225*F for 11 hours. I'll put it on at midnight then foil it at 5 when I get up to fire Bertha for the Hawg. Scrumpdiddlyiscious.

 

[nhwrecker]

If I have time, I'll try and rig up something with screens. I "assume" I'd want to put the smoke in the bottom and let it rise up through?

Regarding food, is there a big difference in flavor/texture/moisture between hot smoking and cold smoking?



And, if anyone needs any brewing ingredients, I am planning on being at the S. Weymouth homebrew emporium tomorrow at 10AM in order to get whole hops for the beer. I'm most likely going to be at PTN's first, but I'll be happy to pick up anything that anyone else may need. you can PM me for my contact info, or just look for pictures in any post office.

 

[Cape Brewing]

That's the one Bird.

Tellin you... Do it.

 

[the_bird]

I do have a birthday coming up fairly soon. Pretty sure I won't get too much resistance, once I explain the "homemade bacon" part.

 

[paulthenurse]

Pretty sure I won't get too much resistance, once I explain the <b>"homemade bacon" </b> part.

Too easy. Way too easy. That would be like smacking Yeager around.

 

[Melana]

Too easy. Way too easy. That would be like smacking Yeager around.

Nothing is quite that easy Paul... come on!

 

[paulthenurse]

True dat.



WTF!!!! the_bird is sending me shopping lists??????

 

[the_bird]

Looks like I could get one without the remote (c'mon... that's a *little* frivolous) and without a glass door for only $190.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00104WRCY/?tag=skimlinks_replacement-20

Think it'd probably be worth it to have the glass door, though, so I can keep an eye on it without having to open the door (and lose heat/smoke).