texts from last night

[Arneba28]

(215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section


Did it. A few went into the Science Fiction section also

 

[DeathBrewer]

lol...I need to do that some time.

 

[IrregularPulse]

(516): Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.

My buddy had this on his Facebook. I knew it was Shenanigans. He would never have the opportunity to try it!

 

[ZBrewMan]

(805): I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.

Here I was, thinking my life was complete....

In my hometown no less!

 

[GregR]

As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.

....................

 

[Donner]

I found this one to be funny.

(541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

 

[Scooterkdavis]

you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too much


and by the way this is the best thread ever, me and swambo are crying, four hours after we should have gone to bed

 

[Ceedubya]

(206): On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...

YEESSSSSSS!!

(920): My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...

 

[whalenutz]

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qg-heCy0CbQ]YouTube - While I was Away[/ame]

 

[IrregularPulse]

YouTube - While I was Away

That was hilarious. Looks like that guy lucked out learning his girl was a bit pyscho before it went to far! Sad to see his lessons learned didn't include 3) Don't date ******* who don't catch on that their BF is leaving for Europe. Not exactly a nonchalant conversation like going to the store!

 

[bernerbrau]

I don't quite get why he didn't just call her from a pay phone at some point in Europe, call her the night before just to say "bye I'll miss you" or even go to the airport with her... unless it was a fairly new relationship... something makes me want to call BS on the story.

 

[MBasile]

YouTube - While I was Away

We, on another forum, came to the conclusion that it is bogus.

 

[MBasile]

I found this one to be funny.

(541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

I need to try to get ahold of an old friend of mine who was planning on being a math teacher

 

[Baja_Brewer]

(203): so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave

Win.
w9oa8wh fjosaidjfoiasdjf oiasdjhfoauirwj

 

[dontman]

(561): Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.

 

[dataz722]

Time to zombie this:

(417):
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.

(310):
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!

(1-310):
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?

(253):
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a ****. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.

(253):
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me

(281):
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer

(661):
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it

(319):
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"

 

[dataz722]

Ok, maybe a couple more

(904):
**** him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.

(860):
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.

(440):
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.

(973):
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed

(304):
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands

(443):
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.

 

[humann_brewing]

(561): Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.

it's pretty hard otherwise, really

 

[JohnnyO]

You sons of *******. This thread and site was dead an buried. Buried deep.
Why on God's green Earth did you dig this up? You should both suffer.

 

[dataz722]

Nothing stays dead forever here.

 

[jppostKW]

(908):

so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.

haha

 

[DeathBrewer]

You sons of *******. This thread and site was dead an buried. Buried deep.
Why on God's green Earth did you dig this up? You should both suffer.

lol, death. what a joke.

wait...

Thought the pregnant one was kinda funny. I suppose it wouldn't get into the mammary glands until later, so that could work right? If she stopped after, right?

I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.

Better skin, bigger ****s.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.

The guy i ****ed last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.

16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay

srsly...this thread should be resurrected every few months

 

[dataz722]

srsly...this thread should be resurrected every few months

I agree, it went way too long.

 

[JohnnyO]

I was only angered because it was such a timekiller for me. I had kicked the habit.
Way to trigger a relapse guys.

 

[DeathBrewer]

*insert evil, maniacal laugh here*

 

[JohnnyO]

*insert evil, maniacal laugh here*

You son of a bee sting.