SWMBO says....

[McKBrew]

After reading through some of your other posts, I see you might have more of an issue.

I did not read through all 15 pages, so I don't know if your wife has some issue with beer due to something in her past. Regulating your consumption to just a beer or so every week is a bit much (barring some underlying reason) and you might honestly have other issues to deal with.

 

[Schlenkerla]

To the OP,

To some degree she needs to deal with it or get her own counseling. If she has issues with acoholism, how is it your problem? The same could be said with a sexual assault. If you are not to blame why must you be punished. Having patience is understandable. Being wrapped around her thumb will cause resentment.

I once had a buddy on AA who didn't mind me drinking in front of him. We had lunch together where I ordered a beer. I asked if bothered him that ordered a beer. He said that his problem is just that, HIS, and it was irresponsible to blame others for his issues. He had to deal the fact that others will drink around him. He can't live in shell.

 

[Ringmaster]

Well i've never been married but i've had a few buddies let woman control their lives and i've had the same thing happen to me. Some woman can be manipulative. I refused to stop drinking for a girl, but i slowed way down, but after she left she had the audacity to say it was because i drank to much. She was drinking more then me!

Anyway i realize standing up for yourself can seem a little scary and make you feel like an *******, but try to think about how drinking actually affects her, and how it affects you. If she doesn't seem to care about alcohol except for the fact that your not following her orders it seems like an unfair request from her.

Just tell her you outright refuse to do something like that. Tell her the minimum your willing to drink and that's that. She seems to think she can do whatever she wants, but it's your body i'd imagine you have final say on these things. Atleast i'd hope so. And if you have to have a fight about it try to think of it like ripping off a band aid, this'll be easier once it's off right? She doesn't seem to trust you if she thinks she needs to tell you what you can and can't do.

You won't become an alcoholic if your drinking a couple beers a night and it's ridiculous to insinuate it 2 beers a night can affect anyone negatively. I think it actually improves your cognitive functions, along with your heart and whatever else the latest study says.

This seems less like a drinking thing and more like a trust thing.. Anyway I've been following this thread for awhile and i thought i'd throw in my 2 cents, Take it or leave it. It's your life, just try to figure out where it's leading, and decide if it's taking you where you want to go. Nothing any of us say can change anything anyway, it's all really up to you.

Or if you want to be sneaky just keep buying beer until you don't have any more fridge space. When she complains about it say "well it wouldn't be this full if you let me drink more"

 

[Airborneguy]

One more thing: if you don't already, DO NOT have kids with this woman until you work this out. You will regret it for the rest of your life! My cousin-in-law is going through this now. His soon-to-be-ex told him that if they got pregnant she would stop bugging him to move to Boston (she's from there), but as soon as she got pregnant she left and went to live with her family. Now, he's fighting in court and knows he's going to have a child for the rest of his life under a really, really crappy situation.

 

[bull8042]

One more thing: if you don't already, DO NOT have kids with this woman until you work this out. You will regret it for the rest of your life! My cousin-in-law is going through this now. His soon-to-be-ex told him that if they got pregnant she would stop bugging him to move to Boston (she's from there), but as soon as she got pregnant she left and went to live with her family. Now, he's fighting in court and knows he's going to have a child for the rest of his life under a really, really crappy situation.

Words to live by. Very good advice..... I can promise you one thing, children will NOT make a troubled relationship better.

 

[JayD]

let's just don't talk about it...

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

let's just don't talk about it...

Thread over then!

 

[Hang Glider]

Underlying theme - JayD -

we all want the best for you.

 

[IrregularPulse]

let's just don't talk about it...

That's what fixes most problems. Good luck to ya.

 

[WildGingerBrewing]

You can't stop the thread now. We're WAY too deep into your issues now. Your life has become my soap opera of choice

 

[JayD]

You can't stop the thread now. We're WAY too deep into your issues now. Your life has become my soap opera of choice

haha ok... then, this:

I am terrible at arguing (discussing?) and remembering past arguments (she's not, go figure)... but I do recall that she insists that this is not a "control" issue. What I mean is that she says this is not about controlling me, but about something else, specific. (i just can't remember what, doh!)

So, figure from that what you can.

 

[WildGingerBrewing]

I think the place to start then is to ask her what that specific thing was?!?!?!?! hahaha

 

[JayD]

I think the place to start then is to ask her what that specific thing was?!?!?!?! hahaha

that's a matter of perspective: Would I rather wonder what it was, or bring up a months old argument, and hate myself for the rest of the weekend?

 

[WildGingerBrewing]

Do it on Moday. Monday's suck anyway

 

[gicts]

Obviously there are bigger things at play now, but has anyone suggesting finding another alcohol since only beer is banned? Say for example, start drinking wine and hard alcohol until she fusses, then negotiate better terms of your beer consumption.

 

[Special Hops]

Obviously there are bigger things at play now, but has anyone suggesting finding another alcohol since only beer is banned? Say for example, start drinking wine and hard alcohol until she fusses, then negotiate better terms of your beer consumption.

haha - Was thinking the same thing. Start drinking hard liquor on a daily basis. then when she gets on your case about that. Suggest "I'll just stick with beer from now on.

It's all relative.

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

haha ok... then, this:

I am terrible at arguing (discussing?) and remembering past arguments (she's not, go figure)... but I do recall that she insists that this is not a "control" issue. What I mean is that she says this is not about controlling me, but about something else, specific. (i just can't remember what, doh!)

So, figure from that what you can.

You are gonna have to start taking notes. I'm like you in respect of not remembering stuff that does not seem important at the time. That can come back and bite you in the ass later.

Oh screw it, just leave her. It's all too much like hard work rather than a marriage.

 

[JayD]

Oh screw it, just leave her. It's all too much like hard work rather than a marriage.

Sure I'll tell her the guys in my beer-drinking forum suggested that I leave her so I can drink more beer.

 

[azscoob]

Sure I'll tell her the guys in my beer-drinking forum suggested that I leave her so I can drink more beer.

He has seen the light! Praise the Gods!!
You.. Have.. Been.. Healed!!!!!

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

Sure I'll tell her the guys in my beer-drinking forum suggested that I leave her so I can drink more beer.

OK, I know you were joking, but see what you did there? Hey, honey, it's not my suggestion, but someone else suggested I do this, so I'm leaving you......

It's foot down time. "hey honey, you know I bend over backwards to try and please you and keep you happy.....But on this issue, this is what I want, and this is what I'm gonna do. Please feel free to tell me if I am causing an actual problem and not an imagined one. In the meantime, this is my life too, let's just see how this works out without any pre-emptive instructions, OK?"

 

[TxBrew]

Everything works in theory. I'd like to move there!

There's more arguing than you'd think.

Tried that TxBrew. Response being "you are going to say you'll do what I want [phrased as "what we agreed on"] and then still do what you want to aren't you" followed by meaning but not saying "if you loved me you'd..."

Ouch... well I'm out. You can't win. Give up. It's like losing, without all the effort.

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

Ouch... well I'm out. You can't win. Give up. It's like losing, without all the effort.

This forum of the wise beers drenched hobos seems to be coming to a consensus!

 

[bob1852]

my suggestion is to go to a bar and start doing random body shots off of hot chics. That'll make her forget about your alleged drinking issue.

 

[Schlenkerla]

She doesn't have a control issue with you. She's got you under control.

It more like you don't have a control of her. Try putting limits on something she likes, she how she responds and how cooperative she it is with the idea. You have to show her how ridiculous she is being on the matter.

I would make her validate or substantiate reasons for such a restrictive limit. Argue with each them you find to be wrong.

If it was me I would blow off that demand as its not gonna happen. I think moderation is key. Define what is moderate.

 

[Soulrebel]

YOU are NOT putting forth the effort necessary to create a long lasting marriage by "going with the flow/avoiding the issue." Next it will be, you don't spend enough time with me/too much time on the internet...you name it. Women need attention and lots of it. Sounds like you may not be that "connected" right now. I have already suggested this but substitute the word "beer" for one of your other/her favorite activities. Does this type of statement still make sense?? A quality marriage TAKES YEARS OF EFFORT. Your either in it for the long haul by pushing through the good and bad (its not always easy to face the hard **** head on) or you might as well get out now, cause its over if you choose to admit it or not. We are only posting this because some have been there, or others can tell you it does not have to be like this...OH and you started a topic on it.

Now go call your ins. carrier so you can find someone to talk to. Because we are just a bunch of beer drinkers and could never give good advice. Talk to a professional. Even if it's by YOURSELF. I'll be sippin a cold one and hoping the best for ya!

 

[Joker]

Tell her you moved out of your mothers house for a reason and that reason wasn't to move in with someone else trying to be your mother.

Marriage should be between friends as a cooperation not a competition, mutually respected not boss and pee-on.

Look her in the eye and say if you want to dominate me you better be wearing leather and holding a riding crop or it just isn't any fun.

 

[GregR]

Tell her you moved out of your mothers house for a reason and that reason wasn't to move in with someone else trying to be your mother.

hah, that reminds me of a time me, my ex, and our friends were out at a bar. she thought I was going to get too drunk and told the bartender to cut me off. but didn't tell me she told the bartender that. so I look like a tard in front of everyone when I try to order a drink and the bartender tells me no (at this point I'm barely buzzed). finally she tells me she told them to cut me off while she was still drinking. I yelled at her good for that one, and told her she is not my mother and it isn't her place to decide when I've had enough, especially behind my back. so I start walking home and she's crying and telling me to stay (at a bar with no food, barely any games, no TV... the only thing to do there is drink and she took that away from me). I tell her to **** off and keep walking. she goes back and gets everyone to leave (we had a DD) so they drive up to me and she asked me to get in the car. I tell her no and keep walking. I stop by the store on the walk home, pick up two forties, and proceed to get smashed on the rest of the walk home. finally I get home, she's crying in bed. I walk in, don't say a word to her, grab a pillow and blanket and pass out on the couch.

if she'd have just asked me to take it easy, hell even if she asked me to stop, I would have. but man I'd never been so pissed at her as when she decided she was going to mother me. she learned her lesson.

 

[Brewdouche-RuBrew]

hah, that reminds me of a time me, my ex, ...
...
...
... she learned her lesson.

I really think he's trying to keep the beer and the wife. Good story though.

 

[JayD]

I want to provide an update but if you have picked up anything about me it's that I tend toward wordiness... So I'll try to keep it on point.

The other night I saw an opportunity (based on SWMBO's mood) to discuss gently the issue of beer. I brought it up and kind of poked for a reason, etc. While I didn't get a ton of answers, she DID say that she "didn't mean 1 beer/1.5 weeks as a rule (but I can promise it was when she laid it down). Herein is the benefit of knowing my wife that all of the advisers here don't have -- as I said in this thread I kind of think she was just laying down a test on me, if I can only drink that much and prove I'm not an AA, then she will back down (contrary to the suggested "push harder" provided here). And that's kind of what happened.

She ended up saying she just didn't want me "drinking every night." And to be sure, I don't really want to either - I'll get fat, it's a depressant, etc.

One of my big issues with all this stupidity was that she knew that I was "emptying bottles" so I would have enough come [homebrew] bottling time. I was drinking 2/night and saving all the bottles. So it's quite frustrating that knowing that she was still so anxious and willing to make me so mad for so long and just not care.

Anyway, we didn't specifically say how many was "ok" but I am sure I could drink a couple or 4 beers per week and not have much issue. I guess we'll see about all that. More likely it's just a matter of me picking my opportunities and not drinking beer when it would be stupid to do so (like if I have already just pissed her off )

So, a heavy drinker might not call this a "happy ending" (hehe, not a true happy ending in any sense of the phrase) but it works out for me. I guess the proof will be in the drinking....

 

[WildGingerBrewing]

That's great, JayD. At least you were able to sit down with her and have a rational conversation. To me, that was the bigger issue anyway. Drink what you feel like you want and see what happens. If you have 3 one night and she doesn't say anything, maybe you're good. If you drink 6 one night and she goes off, you'll know that's too many! Hang in there.