Strange Surrealistic Occurences...

[JacktheKnife]

Howdy Ya'll,

My coon hound Sandymae and I were coming home from a nice hunt about 3:00 am last night. Walking along a fenceline and almost home.
We had been at the coon creek camp, on the south end of the mile long wooded slope along ten mile creek, where it meets the lower 'Coon'. Sandy had tried real hard to make one paticular coon-cat stay treed but to no avail, it was an evening of 'jump-outs'.
I had followed several solid sounding calls for artillery,
{me} but to no avail either.
And had remained at camp from 11:00 till about 3:00 just drinking my homebrew, 'Mien Seiben un Acht Pfound Hammerbier'.
Listening to the fire and the night sounds.

About that time Sandy came to camp and said:
"That coon wouldn't stay in one tree and I can't find any others,
we may as well go home and try again tomorrow night."
"Yeah", I said,
"it is late girl, lets go home,"
we let the fire burn down,
I picked up my light and my gun and we left.

We were walking along this old fenceline headed north when we came to the corner where I usually climb over the fence.
I climbed on the log which was besided the fence.
Held the fence post with my left and my rifle with my right,
stepped over the fence and as I shifted my weight BOOM!
I don't know what happened but I had not gotten entangled
in the fence, so I was ok.
I was on my back on the ground and I remember thinkijng.
Good I missed that damn fence!
I stood up and still had my gun of course as I fell protecting 'her'.
I looked around and I swear!
I didn't see anything familar.
I have lived here 23 years and it was as if I had stepped out of a time machine in some other country and in some other time.
I did not even know which way home was.
I was lost!

I stood the in the woods with a profoundly strange feeling.
I didn't see a landmark, I just stood there.
Its like opening the dictionary, intent on looking up the spelling of a word.
Looking and looking and you realize,
" How can I look up the spelling of a word if I can't spell the damn word!"
I felt like I had opened my eyes in some woods a thousand miles from my farm.
It was overcast and I had no reference point to even begin to find my way home with.
I was just standing there in the woods at 3:00,
and I was even out of homebrew!

I can't explain it but it was really weird.
I made it home somehow I am writing this ain't I?
But I need to be more careful out in the woods at night.
Maybe carry my flask too.


jacksknifeshop.tripod.com

 

[Orpheus]

Do you add things into your homebrew like wormwood or wild rosemary or some other mind altering substances?

You had me worried for a second. I figured when you wrote BOOM that your gun had accidentally gone off and I feared for Sandy.

 

[Erbium:YAG]

I think your surreal experience started when your coon hound started talking to you.

 

[olllllo]

Jack, that 7 pound hammer is to be reckoned.

 

[todd_k]

Is your name really Homer and were you trying to find your soulmate?

Seriously, maybe you hit your head when he fell and just hand your bell rung.

 

[Fiery Sword]

Maybe something was lost in translation, but the combination of guns, German and multiple coon references don't make for good prose in my book. Strange, very strange.

 

[user 574]

Very odd Jack. So, how far off course were you then or was the travels home too confusing to figure that out as well. I will say this, your posts are often interesting...

 

[Pumbaa]

maybe there is something to that "aluminum" thing

 

[Boston]

Dear Jack,
Thank you for submitting your story to High Times for consideration. Unfortunately we will not be able to publish it. This can be due to a number of reasons - poor storyline, poor characterization, basic grammatical errors, lack of originality etc. - or it could just be that the editor does not know a good story when he sees it. High Times may not even be the right market for your work.

Look at your story objectively. How can it be improved? How can you make it salable? Is there any glaring problems with the work? Are there any minor problems that may otherwise sabotage the story's narrative thrust? Get a second and third opinion if you are unsure of your own. Get the magazine's contributors' guidelines and if your story doesn't fit, try to find other possible markets.

Thank you for submitting and do not hesitate to submit again. Just because we turned down this story doesn't mean we'll turn down your next story as well. We really do love reading your stories.

Yours Sincerely,

The Editors

 

[Dude]

Dear Jack,
Thank you for submitting your story to High Times for consideration. Unfortunately we will not be able to publish it. This can be due to a number of reasons - poor storyline, poor characterization, basic grammatical errors, lack of originality etc. - or it could just be that the editor does not know a good story when he sees it. High Times may not even be the right market for your work.

Look at your story objectively. How can it be improved? How can you make it salable? Is there any glaring problems with the work? Are there any minor problems that may otherwise sabotage the story's narrative thrust? Get a second and third opinion if you are unsure of your own. Get the magazine's contributors' guidelines and if your story doesn't fit, try to find other possible markets.

Thank you for submitting and do not hesitate to submit again. Just because we turned down this story doesn't mean we'll turn down your next story as well. We really do love reading your stories.

Yours Sincerely,

The Editors

LMAO, classic!!!!

 

[SwAMi75]

Who is this mysterious "Boston" fellow?

P.S. I'll read the story later. I;m half in the bag and cooking chicken wings right now.

 

[Dude]

I;m half in the bag

Whatcha drinkin' bro?

 

[SwAMi75]

Beam and Coke.

 

[Dude]

Beam and Coke.

:rockin:

Oh GAWD....

 

[SwAMi75]

:rockin:

Oh GAWD....

Yeah. I'm gonna hit it for like three hours then give up and pass out.

 

[Dude]

Yeah. I'm gonna hit it for like three hours then give up and pass out.

TMI.

 

[Fiery Sword]

Yeah. I'm gonna hit it for like three hours then give up and pass out.

Well.....it's 12:30 man, you passed out yet??? Do them Dropkicks proud and slam a few more!!!!:rockin:

 

[SwAMi75]

Well.....it's 12:30 man, you passed out yet??? Do them Dropkicks proud and slam a few more!!!!:rockin:

Nah, enjoying a stogie and a Celebration Ale in solitude.

 

[Fiery Sword]

Well then cheers to ya, man. I seem to be out of Dead Guy, PilsUrq, and my growler of Cheese's CCA. .......And somehow I'm still typing.

For the record, Woodford straight burbon is some good poopoo <thanks censors >.

...The Sword...signing off....

 

[SwAMi75]

Just read the story.....I'm in agreement with todd_k. Sounds like you banged your head pretty good.

 

[sudsmonkey]

I think your surreal experience started when your coon hound started talking to you.

Nah, Sandymae talks like that all the time. She also understands German. Jack's been working with her on that.

 

[Erbium:YAG]

Ausgezeichnet!

 

[sudsmonkey]

Dear Jack,
Thank you for submitting your story to High Times for consideration. Unfortunately we will not be able to publish it. This can be due to a number of reasons - poor storyline, poor characterization, basic grammatical errors, lack of originality etc. - or it could just be that the editor does not know a good story when he sees it. High Times may not even be the right market for your work.

Look at your story objectively. How can it be improved? How can you make it salable? Is there any glaring problems with the work? Are there any minor problems that may otherwise sabotage the story's narrative thrust? Get a second and third opinion if you are unsure of your own. Get the magazine's contributors' guidelines and if your story doesn't fit, try to find other possible markets.

Thank you for submitting and do not hesitate to submit again. Just because we turned down this story doesn't mean we'll turn down your next story as well. We really do love reading your stories.

Yours Sincerely,

The Editors

Easy there, Boston! Jack's one of those kinda quiet, only comes to town about twice a year, was nearly dead and pulled through it just to seek revenge on his buddies for drinking up all his homebrew in their grief kinda guys. Please don't get him riled up at High Times, or any of their other other publishing affiliates. It's good to have him on our side.

 

[JacktheKnife]

Very odd Jack. So, how far off course were you then or was the travels home too confusing to figure that out as well. I will say this, your posts are often interesting...

Sorry I was re-reading this old one and realized I had not mentioned I was 4,000' from my house and spittin distance from a road
{ie. 50 yards} I just couldn't see it.

Knife