Random Thoughts VIP

[stxSS07]

Can't believe I woke up this morning feeling like I never even drank beers last night. Kind of like the "magic poop" of hangovers, you know that poop where you clearly pooped but you wipe and the toilet paper comes out clean.

"The one-wipe wonder".

 

[Podunkparte]

Did anyone else legitimately watch Baywatch back when it was on and not use it for spank bank deposits?

~12 year old me did. Thinking back on that both confuses and depresses me

 

[Podunkparte]

I like when jazz numbers get the bass solo out of the way early.

I played trumpet in college. Our big band played shows and festivals/competitions every year. You usually play 3 or 4 songs at these and at this one, one chart could be an original piece by a member of the band if they liked to pretend they were a composer. Anyway, we play our set and go out to see the other bands play and Washington State's band comes out. They play a song, it's ok, and the director says "This next piece is an original chart by our bass player..." The guy is actually wearing a ******* fedora, first of all.

The god damned song began with an 8 minute upright bass solo by the guy who wrote the ****** thing. We laughed. We also won the festival.

 

[Podunkparte]

Who thought this was a great idea for a children's toy?

Probably the guy who made this:

 

[Podunkparte]

Caught. Up.



MarkIntihar

 

[FTowne1]

 

[neorunner]

Hot water tank burst while I was out disc golfing. Drain was clogged. Basement now wetter than a Bieber concert. FML

 

[Fingolfin]

Hot water tank burst while I was out disc golfing. Drain was clogged. Basement now wetter than a Bieber concert. FML

Liked for Bieber line

 

[Podunkparte]

Hot water tank burst while I was out disc golfing. Drain was clogged. Basement now wetter than a Bieber concert. FML

But is it wetter than a Jonas Brothers concert?

 

[FTowne1]

Rock on...

 

[FTowne1]

...

 

[stakem1]

I dont even know why I set an alarm clock anymore.

 

[MarkIntihar]

Back in the office for the first time in over a week. Is it time to leave yet?

 

[Rau711]

Oh jeez, will everyone please lay off this dude? I take pride in this forum and don't like to see it tarnished by a bunch of freaking trolls...

huhscott
I'm going to give you some solid advice here, so don't let all these jerks get you down.
You need to first build up a reputation as a good brewer. This may seem a bit daunting considering you have zero experience brewing beer but, believe me, this doesn't matter one bit. Here are some of the best ways to go about this without the hassle of brewing beer:

1. Go to beer festivals with around 300 custom made stickers for your "brewery". Walk around and hand them out, when people ask where they can try your beer simply respond "Oh it already kicked 2 hours ago, crazy demand..."

2. When you are inevitably asked what kinds of beers you make respond: "We have a core west coast IPA, but we really focus on small-batch locally sourced wild ales."

3. Grow a beard, and not some pansy ass goatee, a full fledged Bin Laden size beard. If you lack the ability to do this I'd recommend heading over to beardadvocate.com for some advice on custom made prosthetics. They do good work from what I've been told.

4. Social media presence is hugely important. Register a brewery on Untappd, create a facebook and twitter account, and in the meantime set up a network of zombie accounts to follow/like your main accounts. You can purchase zombie accounts for relatively cheap if you can read Russian. Make sure you continue to sellout tickets to "events" that don't actually exist.

5. Leveraging step 4 is crucial here. You are going to need multiple check-ins and reviews of your non-existent beer, and the zombies will do just that. Make sure all the reviews aren't 5 star or it will seem a bit suspicious. Include words like "effervescent", "wet hay", and "touch of sunlight" to add legitimacy to the reviews.

6. Eventually you will be known enough that people will question your location and setup. Simply say you are a "nano brewery" operating in a barn on your father's farmland, and that you just want to "put local ingredients back into beer". It doesn't hurt to mention you are "against the man" and "not some corporate suit just looking for money".

At this point you should have a decent reputation built, you can leverage this to contact actual brewers and start setting up a deal in your favor.

I hope I was helpful, and best of luck to you!

He's ******* onto us!

 

[sidetracked]

He's ******* onto us!

Oh man, why didn't we just pay Russians to do all the work for us? Genius.

 

[neorunner]

Are urinals the modern day spittoons?

 

[Fingolfin]

Are urinals the modern day spittoons?

Yes

 

[FTowne1]

...

 

[neorunner]

 

[stakem1]

ive come to the realization that I could never be a professional brewer (unless i go full recluse and never expose myself to things such as untappd)

not for lack of interest/passion/desire but because of social media and everyone being a beer tasting expert with a professional opinion. it has actually made me take a step back and evaluate myself as a person who enjoys writing beer reviews.

i read this today on untappd about a 100% brett fermented saison:
"hoppy malty funky. a good farmhouse but i wouldnt call it a saison" 2.5/5

 

[quirkzoo1]

ive come to the realization that I could never be a professional brewer (unless i go full recluse and never expose myself to things such as untappd)

not for lack of interest/passion/desire but because of social media and everyone being a beer tasting expert with a professional opinion. it has actually made me take a step back and evaluate myself as a person who enjoys writing beer reviews.

i read this today on untappd about a 100% brett fermented saison:
"hoppy malty funky. a good farmhouse but i wouldnt call it a saison" 2.5/5

Only appropriate response to that "review"

On a serious note, I think the real challenge with online reviews is how do you figure out which ones you should be listening to and which ones you shouldn't? I have definitely seen it go both ways. Sometimes like the above it is easy to dismiss stupid reviews, but I have seen otherwise good breweries overlook serious feedback because they dismiss online reviews as a whole as being flawed.

 

[neorunner]

I only give 1s and 5s on untappd. A 1 if it has a seriously major flaw e.g. butyric acid and a 5 if I needed to change my pants afterwards. E.g. Schramms.

The rest I don't rate.

 

[MarkIntihar]

TalkBeerJesus kept me on the phone just a few minutes too long and now I'm listening to my roommate having loud sex wishing I could fall asleep.

She sounds ghastly tonight. Beast-like, even.

 

[FTowne1]

TalkBeerJesus kept me on the phone just a few minutes too long and now I'm listening to my roommate having loud sex wishing I could fall asleep.

She sounds ghastly tonight. Beast-like, even.

I drank a 4 pack of Founders breakfast stout and now I'm listening to Culture Club.

 

[MarkIntihar]

I drank a 4 pack of Founders breakfast stout and now I'm listening to Culture Club.

I'm debating posting about it on Facebook and tagging him in the post.

"Listening to [redacted] having loud sex again. #she.sounds.hideous."

 

[FTowne1]

 

[AnnArborJoe]

TalkBeerJesus kept me on the phone just a few minutes too long and now I'm listening to my roommate having loud sex wishing I could fall asleep.

She sounds ghastly tonight. Beast-like, even.

Beasts need the D too. Bourbon barrel barley wines FTW.

 

[MarkIntihar]

Beasts need the D too. Bourbon barrel barley wines FTW.

Oh I know for a fact this girl is cute, but last night she sounded possessed by some sort of demon.

 

[AnnArborJoe]

Oh I know for a fact this girl is cute, but last night she sounded possessed by some sort of demon.

Oh. You're saying BBBWs can't be cute?

GobComeOn.gif

 

[MarkIntihar]

Oh. You're saying BBBWs can't be cute?

GobComeOn.gif

**** off