CreamyGoodness
Well-Known Member
My wife and I don't use television as a caregiver, but if we need to start dinner, eat dinner after he has been fed or go to the bathroom, we don't feel too bad about putting SessionableGoodness in baby jail and putting on PBS Sprout. I've watched quite a bit of the programming on that channel in 45 minute increments and I have to say, most of it is quite good for a smart little buzzard like SG's little brain. As a grown ass man, however, I have a different take.
First I am going to go over a few things from an adult perspective about the programming, and then I clue you in on how Thomas the Tank Engine is youth indoctrination into the Military Industrial Complex.
1) Sunny Side Up Show. In this program the single least offensive and least annoying woman on a children's show, "Emily" reads viewer mail and sings Happy Birthday with a chicken puppet named "Chica". Chica's voice was will likely be made illegal following the next Geneva Convention. My son, however, sits transfixed with a huge 1-toothed smile staring directly at this damn chicken.
2) Later in the day, Chica turns from a puppet into a cartoon, and stars alongside not only her chicken mom and chicken dad, but also the live action actor "Kelley." This is Kelley's big break and she knows it. Her energy is absolutely frenetic and quite frankly she freaks me out. SG has made it very plain, however, that if Chica is ever onscreen during any show, including whatever the hell this one is and you change the channel or turn the tv off, he will cut a *****. When Chica is talking, you shut your whore mouth.
3) Berenstain Bears. Yes that's how its really spelled. Stain. I always thought, as a good New York boy growing up, that the bears in the books the library lady would read to us were Jewish. I wasn't Jewish but the kid sitting "Indian Style" next to me was, so Jewish bears was a-ok by me. My world has been turned upside down at age 35. Here's another thing I didn't realize... the bears make the gits on Duck Dynasty look cosmopolitan. Brown bears, Red state. And not Jewish.
4) The Goodnight Show. Chica is replaced with a cute star-shaped puppet named... well... Star (who does NOT have an annoying voice) and Emily is replaced with Nina. Nina is, in two words, incredibly hot. And she does sand art. Awesome. SG stares at Star and smiles... Daddy stares at Nina and smiles.
5) Caillou. Canadian cartoon in which the titular character is a whiney, irritating little jerk with a stupid name. We change the channel, but since Chica and Star aren't involved, SG doesn't mind.
There are a few others like "Stella," that I'm sure my son will like in about a year that is pretty cute, but I have to shift your attention now to Thomas the Tank Engine.
Formulaic cartoons, like Scooby Doo, are beloved by kids because it gives them a sense of calm. They know more or less how things are going to end, and there are no scary surprises. However, unlike TtTE, Scooby Doo's only subliminal message seemed to be "if you smoke marijuana you will get hungry".
In TtTE, the head of the railroad, "Sir Toppem Hat" wears a top hat. Nothing insidious there. And every episode he asks either Thomas or one of the myriad of other befaced, talking and pants-crappingly creepy trains to do something for him. Being trains, the task usually involves hauling something.
Being anthropomorphized train-children, they always screw it up.
And every episode, kind benevolent Sir Toppem Hat reminds them of his original instructions, how they can fix the mess they made, and forgives them.
This, my friends, is a conspiracy.
Lets start with the word "Sir". I realize the series is from the UK, but Hat runs a railroad, making him blue collar (ie he wasn't born with the title.) So we are made to believe that a man of what appears to be about 40 has been knighted for MAYBE 20 years of service to the crown. My foot.
Hat is an authority figure pure and simple. Obey authority and all will be well. Even Hiro, the stereotypical Japanese train who is older and wiser once tries to help by keeping the other trains from disturbing Sir Toppem Hat and all goes to hell.
I disapprove.
Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to see if I can find any pictures of Nina in a bikini.
*sigh.... I have several more years of this to look forward to.*
First I am going to go over a few things from an adult perspective about the programming, and then I clue you in on how Thomas the Tank Engine is youth indoctrination into the Military Industrial Complex.
1) Sunny Side Up Show. In this program the single least offensive and least annoying woman on a children's show, "Emily" reads viewer mail and sings Happy Birthday with a chicken puppet named "Chica". Chica's voice was will likely be made illegal following the next Geneva Convention. My son, however, sits transfixed with a huge 1-toothed smile staring directly at this damn chicken.
2) Later in the day, Chica turns from a puppet into a cartoon, and stars alongside not only her chicken mom and chicken dad, but also the live action actor "Kelley." This is Kelley's big break and she knows it. Her energy is absolutely frenetic and quite frankly she freaks me out. SG has made it very plain, however, that if Chica is ever onscreen during any show, including whatever the hell this one is and you change the channel or turn the tv off, he will cut a *****. When Chica is talking, you shut your whore mouth.
3) Berenstain Bears. Yes that's how its really spelled. Stain. I always thought, as a good New York boy growing up, that the bears in the books the library lady would read to us were Jewish. I wasn't Jewish but the kid sitting "Indian Style" next to me was, so Jewish bears was a-ok by me. My world has been turned upside down at age 35. Here's another thing I didn't realize... the bears make the gits on Duck Dynasty look cosmopolitan. Brown bears, Red state. And not Jewish.
4) The Goodnight Show. Chica is replaced with a cute star-shaped puppet named... well... Star (who does NOT have an annoying voice) and Emily is replaced with Nina. Nina is, in two words, incredibly hot. And she does sand art. Awesome. SG stares at Star and smiles... Daddy stares at Nina and smiles.
5) Caillou. Canadian cartoon in which the titular character is a whiney, irritating little jerk with a stupid name. We change the channel, but since Chica and Star aren't involved, SG doesn't mind.
There are a few others like "Stella," that I'm sure my son will like in about a year that is pretty cute, but I have to shift your attention now to Thomas the Tank Engine.
Formulaic cartoons, like Scooby Doo, are beloved by kids because it gives them a sense of calm. They know more or less how things are going to end, and there are no scary surprises. However, unlike TtTE, Scooby Doo's only subliminal message seemed to be "if you smoke marijuana you will get hungry".
In TtTE, the head of the railroad, "Sir Toppem Hat" wears a top hat. Nothing insidious there. And every episode he asks either Thomas or one of the myriad of other befaced, talking and pants-crappingly creepy trains to do something for him. Being trains, the task usually involves hauling something.
Being anthropomorphized train-children, they always screw it up.
And every episode, kind benevolent Sir Toppem Hat reminds them of his original instructions, how they can fix the mess they made, and forgives them.
This, my friends, is a conspiracy.
Lets start with the word "Sir". I realize the series is from the UK, but Hat runs a railroad, making him blue collar (ie he wasn't born with the title.) So we are made to believe that a man of what appears to be about 40 has been knighted for MAYBE 20 years of service to the crown. My foot.
Hat is an authority figure pure and simple. Obey authority and all will be well. Even Hiro, the stereotypical Japanese train who is older and wiser once tries to help by keeping the other trains from disturbing Sir Toppem Hat and all goes to hell.
I disapprove.
Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to see if I can find any pictures of Nina in a bikini.
*sigh.... I have several more years of this to look forward to.*
