I suck at cooking. Please help.

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Grannyknot

Grannyknot

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My wife has recently admitted that my cooking skills are non existent and anytime I announce that I am cooking something, she dreads eating it. It has gotten so bad that when she doesn't feel like cooking she will often resort to really crappy fast food over my cooking. She says my 2 main problems are over-seasoning, not seasoning at the correct times, and not working off recipes when I should be. I'm even bad at grilling meat, although I am limited by a really crappy gas grill.

Most guys would say no big deal, just let the wife do all the cooking, but I actually enjoy cooking. I make really good tex mex food & have several chili recipes that I do well. But those are all things you can over season and not ruin. I also like to be able to provide some relief in the kitchen at night, when she has had a rough day, or the kids want to hang from her like leaches.

She suggested a cooking course, but that seems like overkill for someone who isn't trying to become a master chef. I'm just trying to pick up on some basics. What do you all suggest? Any you tube channels? books? actual classes?
 
Just practice, cook as much as you can. You can watch videos, read books and sit in front of cooking shows all day but it won't make you good at it. You need to get a feel for it, and if over-seasoning is the biggest concern it will not take much to find your way. Season less, you can always add more later. Are you using too many seasonings or just too much of one seasoning? Many people mix so much stuff into a meal it can become muddled. A nice piece of meat really only needs salt and pepper. Measure or set aside whatever seasoning you plan on using before you cook. Like brewing, it helps to have everything organized and ready to go when you cook so you are not frantically looking about for things you need.

It doesn't hurt to read through some recipes for things you like to find common practices, but you don't need to get so worked up about it that you get confused or overwhelmed. It should be fun. You're making food to be enjoyed and that is a huge step in not only eating right but saving money. Start with some easy recipes; good food doesn't have to be complicated.

As far as grilling is concerned, here is a technique that we used when we first started cooking on the line:

Meat Doneness: Finger Test
 
A basic cooking course might not hurt if you are really off the mark in the kitchen and there is one nearby that could be fun and is readily accessible; might even make it a night out with the wife if you can swing it re: the kiddies. As for cooking at home, start with basic stuff that can't be buggered up; if the recipe has more than a dozen steps and a dozen ingredients outside of carefully measured spices (follow those closely) then skip it for now. Make sure to get recipes from either cookbooks you trust or if from the net make sure it has a good number of reviews about it being good. Youtube is good, there are some really good basics videos out there by big names like Gordon Ramsay and Jamie Oliver that are aimed at covering the ground floor of cooking. All that being said, the easiest thing to do is ask if you can help your wife cook, if you like her food then clearly she is doing something right and you can learn by helping. Yea peeling veg and watching her work the stove may not be the most exciting thing in the world but it lets you spend time with her and pick up on cooking techniques while you're at it.
 
Personally, I found watching Alton Brown to be helpful in understanding WHY you do things in the kitchen, and HOW things work. It's one show I recommend because it doesn't just teach you how to make a recipe, it teaches you about cooking. There are probably other informational shows out there. Do a search.

Another thing to remember is that there are many categories of cooking. Choose one or two that feature foods you really like, and work in those areas to perfect a few recipes. Learn WHY the recipe or process is the way it is. That information will likely carry over into other areas of cooking. Eventually you may get to a point where you start using those processes in cooking with a recipe.

There are MANY MANY recipe to be found online. I like to search them out, find a few for the same food, and compare them. Notice which ingredients are common. Do a Wikipedia search on a recipe or food and see if there are notes about ingredients that are MUST-HAVES for that recipe.

When grilling, there are certain cuts and meats that are really hard to cook wrong. Start with them. Other cuts may need some preparations to do well, or may need an alternate cooking process (low and slow, versus high sear). I manage with the average grill I own because I know where the hot spots are. My grill is slightly different from the majority in it's burner layout. Take those tings into account. If your flame guards are rusted away, replace them. Same with the grating. You can usually find parts cheap online at places like repairclinic.com, etc. Bottom line is, you can good well on MOST grills if you know the temps in certain areas.

My forte in cooking is soups. The reason I got good at it is because my wife loved the Zuppa Toscana (Tuscan Wedding Soup) at Olive Garden. I made a vow to be able to make it at home whenever she wanted it. I found some recipes online and compared and chose the one I thought looked closest. That first batch was really close. Over time I got the recipe perfectly matched and I learned a few things about the process. I tried other soups and learned a few things about broths and chowder, cream soups, etc. Eventually my Olive Garden Recipe turned into a way better soup than Olive Garden's (Not being boastful, but I've heard it many times and have gotten a LOT of requests for the recipe or to cook it for people!)

Over the years I've learned why I start with a butter, garlic and onion combination, and when to add flour to form a roux, and how to add broth to a roux to get a thicker soup without ruining it. I've learned how much of certain things to add to get a subtle flavor or more flavor. I've learned which veggies get added when so they can all be cooked well.

Baking can be hard. Precise measurements are often required. You will probably have to learn to "wing it" when adding flour or liquid to a recipe to get the right consistency and texture.

Use fresh ingredients. This is true for yeast and also for baking powder. Both can expire over time. Fresher herbs and spices have better or more pronounced flavor.

Don't be afraid to try new things. As has been said, you must COOK to get better at cooking. Pick a few favorite recipes and work on them til you get there.

My wife loves Champagne Chicken at a nearby fancy restaurant. So far in two tries I haven't been close. The first time it was too sweet (They still liked it) the second time I use a dry champagne and it was actually worst, but closer to the original. I'm not giving up. I may end up having to order some for takeout and deconstruct what I know about it based on what I can see for ingredients, and what I can taste. So far the online recipes don't seem to be getting it close enough for tweaking.

Stick with it. A class on cooking is NOT a bad idea! It will probably be very fun along with educational.
 
Try to understand why certain ingredients work together, how specific techniques work, and the science behind what happens when you cook. Use all of your senses to test what you're cooking and to determine when it's finished. Taste everything all of the time, but also try to smell, look, feel, and hear what is happening.

Look for books that teach technique and provide an understanding of cooking vs. actual cookbooks that just give you a list of recipes. Real cooking is not about following a recipe step-by-step... It is about understanding flavors, methods, and ingredients so you don't have to have your hand held.

Here is a good reference book for understanding ingredients and why they work together:

The Flavor Bible: The Essential Guide to Culinary Creativity, Based on the Wisdom of America's Most Imaginative Chefs

Anything by Ruhlman, Bittman, Pepin, Bourdain, Bayless, Keller, and Colicchio are also good.

Heston Blumenthal and Gordon Ramsay have several easy educational and instructional videos on Youtube.


Lastly, find your cuisine of passion, whether it be French, Italian, Sicilian, Corsican, Southern US, Russian, Japanese, etc. - Putting your efforts toward mastering a specific cuisine through combined knowledge and experience and you will be a step ahead of the rest. I'm a gringo who can cook Authentic Mexican, specifically Yucatecan cuisine, better than most Mexicans... because I immersed myself in that culture. I am an encylopedia on the subject purely out of self-teaching.
 
bobbrews said:
Anything by Ruhlman, Bittman, Pepin, Bourdain, Bayless, and Colicchio are also good.
Click to expand...

Bourdain is my man.

The one thing I could never, ever cook well in any form was eggs. Scrambled turned into an overcooked mess, over easy turned into scrambled which in turn became an overcooked mess and omelettes were always a lost cause.

One day I saw a show where he woke up hungover as hell in a motel room and explained how he made scrambled eggs, with one eye barely open and a mess from the night before. His stupidly easy description of how he did it and the process he used, was all I needed to hear to fix my egg making conundrum.

Find a chef you like - listen to him!
 
First and foremost, YOUTUBE! Amazing how much you can learn watching videos of other people doing something. If you are having trouble with following the recipe for certain techniques, watching how they're done properly goes a long way.

I agree with others that you should take a class. After all, why not? You're sure to learn *something*, right?

I'd also suggest if your knife skills are weak (as mine were), take a class on those, and practice. Cooking becomes much simpler when you aren't taking 4 times as long to do basic prep work than you need to, and knowing how to handle a knife is key. (And of course, keep it sharp.)

TheCADJockey said:
As far as grilling is concerned, here is a technique that we used when we first started cooking on the line:

Meat Doneness: Finger Test
Click to expand...

I am going to disagree on this one. For someone who has cooked on a line, they're going through so much food that they develop that sense of "feel" quickly. For those of us who don't, measurements are our friend. I've gotten quite good at grilling, but I still don't go off "feel" when it comes to meat doneness.

Pick up a very basic instant-read thermometer. I have this one, which is cheap but effective.

If you want to keep meat from overcooking on the grill, taking the internal temperature is your friend. Also understand that when it's done cooking, and you set meat to rest, the rest period will typically cause the internal temp to rise a few more degrees. So you want to pull meat off the grill a few degrees before the target internal temp.
 
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bwarbiany said:
For someone who has cooked on a line, they're going through so much food that they develop that sense of "feel" quickly. For those of us who don't, measurements are our friend. I've gotten quite good at grilling, but I still don't go off "feel" when it comes to meat doneness.

Pick up a very basic instant-read thermometer. I have this one, which is cheap but effective.

If you want to keep meat from overcooking on the grill, taking the internal temperature is your friend. Also understand that when it's done cooking, and you set meat to rest, the rest period will typically cause the internal temp to rise a few more degrees. So you want to pull meat off the grill a few degrees before the target internal temp.
Click to expand...

Even line cooks don't solely go by the finger test. They use a variety of their senses, including sight, smell, feel, sound, and common sense.

1. Is there visible blood? If yes, then it is very possible the meat is still rare to at least medium.

2. Is the meat gray without any decent grill marks? If yes, then maybe my grill was not hot enough... maybe the exterior was too wet and the meat basically steamed... maybe I didn't rub the meat with oil to facilitate that char... maybe I didn't leave the meat on the grill long enough before I flipped it... maybe I'm cooking on a cold spot on my grill.

3. Does the meat feel like a sea scallop (raw) or a hockey puck (well done)?

4. I have nice grill marks, but the meat is red, bloody, and cold on the inside. Did I let the meat come to room temperature before grilling it, or did I grill it directly from the refrigerator? Perhaps my grill ran out of propane/gas/coal midway.

5. Do I smell burning? Do I see too much smoke? Did I hear a nice sizzle when I placed the meat to the grill?

6. I've been cooking this 1-inch thick bone-in steak for 20 minutes on high heat and the thermometer is reading 100 F internal temperature. Well either your thermometer or your grill is broken. You should have a very well done steak in this case, per common sense.


These are just a few of the things you have to look out for. A good cook is always thinking and always cognizant of his/her senses and cooking equipment.
 
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In addition to Alton Brown & Good Eats, I suggest the Serious Eats website, especially anything from Kenji Lopez-Alt. He is scientific in his cooking approach much like AB, going into the why as much as the how, if not moreso.
 
I had the same problem as the OP starting out. I could pick up a certain flavor in a dish that I really liked, and would go overkill to try and bring out more of that flavor.

I'm almost embarrassed to admit it, but I watched a lot of Rachel Ray when I first started cooking in earnest. Her recipes generally aren't that complicated and are meant to be quick. They're not 5 star dishes either, but generally they are fairly good. Once you get in the swing of how certain ingredients come together, it'll get a lot easier. Start simple.

I second the knife skills too. My wife never cooked before moving out of her parents house and it takes her generally twice as long to cook a meal due in no small part to chopping veggies and the like. Its all in the wrist!

Lastly have fun with it! Get a playlist together or a good podcast lined up (and maybe a pint or two) for when you get in the kitchen. It shouldn't be a chore. After all, there's food involved so how can it not be fun? :mug:
 
TheCADJockey said:
... I did not mean that test was the end all, be all way to tell and judge. I meant it as a place to start, not knowing how much he knew. It is a quick read and easy reference.
Click to expand...

I don't disagree. In fact, learning how to correlate actual doneness by temp with doneness by feel is a good idea.

But if he sucks at grilling, it's better to start with objective measurements than subjective. Just like brewing, if he knows *exactly* what he did, it's easier to know how to improve it over time.
 
TheCADJockey said:
That's what my brewday looks like.
Click to expand...

:off: Sup Buddy
16154985291_be9d859c0c_z.jpg
:mug:

On topic: I would try with simpler recipes first, and don't move to a harder set of recipes until you're comfortable with all the ins and outs, and getting your seasoning right etc.
 
I'm the cook of the house and what works for me almost every time is I use a ton of recipes from Allrecipes.com. I get a daily 'dish of the day' and then decide if that sounds good for dinner. The recipes are rated and show people's comments so you can personalize it the way you like. I also subscribe to Rachel Ray and Eating Light and have found good stuff there too. There are limitless recipes floating around for you to try. Also, look on youtube for chopping skills because that helped me initially with chopping onions, bell peppers, etc. Taste everything and remember that less is better than more when it comes to seasoning. Every Sunday, I'll dig through my magazines and Allrecipes and decide on a few recipes that sound good for the week. I'll hit up the market and start cooking that night. That helps because I find it difficult to get a lot of cooking done during the week with work and a baby.
 
I'll reiterate my earlier comment. Take the course. I'd bet that most, if not all , of us here learned to cook by trial and error. There 'a really no other way.

If you try to learn at home by reading and watching videos, all of your trial and error (and, if you're like me, lots of error) will be right there . In. The. House. All of the smells, all of the mess, all the "hey, taste this" etc will be right there and, while I certainly don't know you or your SWMBO, I'd say it wouldn't take long for that to lead to a less-than-pleased SWMBO.

Take a course, make your mess at the schools kitchen, and get instruction from someone who can taste and say "here's exactly what you did wrong, and here's how to not do that again" and who can teach you a lot more than you'd learn winging it at home.

And again - if she's suggesting a course and you don't do it, that might lead to one if those "why don't you listen to me?" arguments that we all love so much.
 
Have a look at various cooking shows on TV & the internet, it's easy to watch & learn & get ideas. Get recipes online, there's a LOT of awesome sites & recipes. Most importantly, when you find a recipe that looks/sounds good, FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS. The more you deviate from a recipe, the less it will taste the way it's supposed to. When you learn a bit more about how & why things work the way they do, you'll have better luck at formulating your own recipes...
Just like brewing.

Here are a couple of sites with great recipes that you might like:
http://www.primalgrill.org/

http://rasamalaysia.com/

http://www.foodnetwork.com/shows/good-eats.html
Regards, GF. :mug:
 
I started to cook at 16 after my mom died and I have to agree with some of the things others have already said here.

1) Youtube - watch and learn.
2) Practice with simple recipes that you might like. Don't try to improvise by adding more spices or seasonings, just follow the recipes.
3) Basic Tools - sharp knives, a decent meat thermometer (I just bought a "Thermopen" and it's awesome).
4) Spices - unless you like bland food which it doesn't sound like you do, get some really good spices. I only use Penzeys spices. They're very high quality and I don't like bland food either. (penzeys.com)
5) Allrecipes.com - lots of good recipes and tons of comments to give insight on what others that have tried them did, or did not change.
6) Help your wife cook. If I'm not cooking the main dish, I'm always doing sous-chef stuff to help my wife when she's cooking. Chopping vegatables, onions, garlic, cutting up meat, stirring (lots of stirring), sauteing vegtables, carmelizing onions, or browning meat, stuff like that. Not only does it help the wife, it hones some of your basic skills as well.
7) Keep practing - don't be afraid to try.
 
I would also mention not to use dry spices and dried herbs as a crutch in order to attain more flavor. There is certainly nothing wrong with them, but aromatics like fresh herbs, fresh lemon zest, fresh garlic, scallions, salt, and pepper will more often give you a better result (unless you're making a dry rub). More often than not, too much ground, powdered spices can make the food taste cheap and artificial.
 
VApatriot said:
7) Keep practing - don't be afraid to try.
Click to expand...

QFT - and also, don't be afraid to fail. I have a pretty good success rate, but no chef turns out stuff 100% of the time that is good.

Case in point, I just tried braised grilled asparagus, as I heard someone tell me about this. Grill the asparagus lightly for some grill marks & maybe a little flavour, then toss the spears into a foil pouch with butter, salt, pepper, & splash of white wine. Wrap it up and leave on the grill for 6-8 minutes while you grill some meat.

Sounds good, right? It was not. It seemed to have everything going for it, but no one at dinner liked the dish.

"Failure is always an option." Don't be afraid of it.
 
slym2none said:
Case in point, I just tried braised grilled asparagus, as I heard someone tell me about this. Grill the asparagus lightly for some grill marks & maybe a little flavour, then toss the spears into a foil pouch with butter, salt, pepper, & splash of white wine. Wrap it up and leave on the grill for 6-8 minutes while you grill some meat.
Click to expand...

I like bundling 4-5 stalks of asparagus in a slice of bacon, hit it with a little salt and pepper, and throw it on the grill.

Or, marinate asparagus in olive oil, a bit of balsamic vinegar, lemon zest, salt and pepper, and throw it on the grill.
 
bwarbiany said:
I like bundling 4-5 stalks of asparagus in a slice of bacon, hit it with a little salt and pepper, and throw it on the grill.

Or, marinate asparagus in olive oil, a bit of balsamic vinegar, lemon zest, salt and pepper, and throw it on the grill.
Click to expand...

^This.

Possibly some sugar in the balsamic marinade if bitter flavors bother you.

The trick is to get the cooking surface plenty hot before you add the veg.
 
I tend to follow recipes closely, I don't have that "automatic" sense of what works and what doesn't.
The wife does, she can cook without recipe and it will come out great......
 
For baking, I always follow a recipe. Baking is as much science as art. However, soups/stews/sauces & the like can be seat-of-the-pants.
 
I'm a big fan of America's Test Kitchen and Cook's Country on PBS. Both shows are the same people doing good recipes, as easy as possible. They tell you why they do it that way as opposed to the traditional way and often explain the science behind how something works.

I, too, tend to over season. So my main dishes are those that can take a liberal does of seasoning.

Perfect one or two signature dishes then slowly start expanding....
 
jtratcliff said:
I'm a big fan of America's Test Kitchen and Cook's Country on PBS. Both shows are the same people doing good recipes, as easy as possible. They tell you why they do it that way as opposed to the traditional way and often explain the science behind how something works.
Click to expand...


I second that one. Americas test kitchen and cooks country are great. The wife and i always watch them, and in some odd way i feel like im better at cooking after every episode.
What i have learned is to add your seasonings early on in the cooking process. I dont typically use a lot of seasonings in my dishes, because i have the same issue of over seasoning. When you add salt and your other seasonings in the beginning of the cooking process, like right when it gets in the pan, then the seasonings get processed better. But if you forget your seasonings and try to add them all at the end, then everything is going to be over seasoned. So if you forget to add your seasonings in the beginning and have to add them in the end, scale back the seasonings so that it wont be cloyingly over seasoned. I still have a lot to learn in the kitchen, but i have been getting better because the wife... nuff said
 
I started cooking here and there in high school, mainly because I liked the aspect of making things, same reason I like brewing. I wasn't great at cooking immediately (except for omelets, for some reason I have always been able to do that).

Since I enjoyed cooking, I watched decent amount of cooking shows, nothing in particular, just whatever was on when I got a chance to watch TV. Eventually I went to college and had to cook for myself every day. Being in college, I learned to cook with cheap ingredients, which indirectly teaches you that fresh ingredients are key. Processed foods are the worst.

I have been out of college for 3 years now and do all of the cooking for my wife and myself (because I like to cook, and am good at it). All of this practice makes me better and better. I have a good sense of what flavors go together and what amounts of ingredients to add to get a certain flavor.

Just like brewing, if I want to make something new, I look at a few recipes to get the general feel for how a dish should come together. Just like brewing, I would recommend you start with the basics: dishes with a handful of ingredients and a few steps.

Also, realize that going from below grade to excellent at anything takes time, patience, practice, and dedication. Watch some cooking shows, read some recipes, and practice.

Keep your head up, you'll get there.
 
Take a class or three. Take one with your wife. They're fun.

Have your wife teach you some common dishes your family enjoys.

Pick a single meal and cook it every week until it's second nature....then expand your options.

Guys love to know the why & how.... Alton Brown, Good Eats is great for this.

when in doubt, under season.

Taste, taste, taste. When cooking, sample what you're doing. When eating someone else's food, think about what it REALLY tastes like and try to deconstruct the ingredients. Ask questions if you can. Most chef's love to talk about their dishes.

Do you evaluate beer? Approach food the same way.

Practice.

Oh...and cook what you know. My wife was a 100% non-cook when we started dating. Seriously...ramen and instant oatmeal was the pinnacle of her culinary ability. She tried to make stuffed bell peppers for me, having never eaten a stuffed pepper. Served the pepper raw not realizing they were to be baked after stuffing with the meat, sauce and rice. It's tough to be successful if you dont know the mark you're trying to hit.
 
My suggestions.

Ask to help your wife, ask her to teach you a few staple recipes and have her show you what to do. That way you can have at least a couple recipes that will work out.

Start with something simple and easy. Spaghetti and sauce is hard to beat. Just make sure to use enough water when you boil the noodles (it will prevent sticking). There is no shame in the staples.

Have you considered one of those services like Plated, or Blue Apron, etc. They ship you the ingredients and recipes and directions to your door at a reasonable price. I haven't done one yet, but hear that they can be a good introduction to cooking good food. Just stick to the recipes. They are kind of like high quality beer kits. Could be a good learning tool.

I also will echo the senitment of taking a cooking class is not necessarily a bad thing. Taking one (even in secret) and surprising your wife with a nice tasty home cooked meal could yield... happy results.
 
GluStick said:
I second that one. Americas test kitchen and cooks country are great. The wife and i always watch them, and in some odd way i feel like im better at cooking after every episode.
What i have learned is to add your seasonings early on in the cooking process. I dont typically use a lot of seasonings in my dishes, because i have the same issue of over seasoning. When you add salt and your other seasonings in the beginning of the cooking process, like right when it gets in the pan, then the seasonings get processed better. But if you forget your seasonings and try to add them all at the end, then everything is going to be over seasoned. So if you forget to add your seasonings in the beginning and have to add them in the end, scale back the seasonings so that it wont be cloyingly over seasoned. I still have a lot to learn in the kitchen, but i have been getting better because the wife... nuff said
Click to expand...

I would also recommend these programs. The cookbooks also contain the how and why of doing key procedures for the recipes.
 
Kharnynb said:
The wife does, she can cook without recipe and it will come out great......
Click to expand...

Mine does the same thing, it pi$$es me off royaly 'cause I can't do the same thing. Every time she does it I tell her she needs to write it down so I can make it in the future. She can read a recipe and "tune it up" in her head before ever cooking it once. Always comes out great. I can't do that ,wish I could...
 
Start simple, just don't show her your recipe:

Brown pork chops in a skillet + add a can of cream of mushroom soup + throw in oven + serve with smashed potatoes and chives.
 
Agree with the America's Test Kitchen & Cook's Country reco's--they really do a lot of testing for every recipe, plus they give scientific explanations for why things go wrong (or right). Sara Moulton's show is pretty good also. She has a recipe for buffalo chicken & rice with blue cheese that's a repeat favorite.
 
Thanks for the advice everyone.
Although I am a little disappointed that nobody suggested I was actually a good cook and that my wife's standards are absurd. :)
 

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