I need a sanity check....Long Story About the Wife

[TheCADJockey]

Cut to @TheCADJockey - character witness

 

[CGVT]

Any man who's enough of an ******* to sleep with/attempt to sleep with another man's wife deserves whatever that other man decides to do to him in response.

A hard dick has no conscience but it takes two.
Better beat her ass too...(I am not advocating beating a woman. Only making a point)

 

[TXCrash]

Any man who's enough of an ******* to sleep with/attempt to sleep with another man's wife deserves whatever that other man decides to do to him in response.

Yup. That's a no go zone, even for me, and I'm a total *******.

To a normal, sober person, this may be true. Drunken people have a much lower potential to distinguish between right, wrong, and anything in between.

That's why drunk people are not allowed to drive, and they aren't beholden to some forms of contract.

I'm not saying it's a valid excuse, but IMO it should be taken into consideration in discussion. I'm sure a lot of us, otherwise responsible people have done some irresponsible acts while intoxicated.

Did I ever relate the story of the guy at a party who tried to impress the kids by showing them how you can get an empty beer bottle to stick to the wall with static cling? A sober person would know that empty beer bottles aren't quite the same thing as a balloon.

Bwahaha. That's some funny right there.

A hard dick has no conscience but it takes two.
Better beat her ass too...(I am not advocating beating a woman. Only making a point)

Must be ok in AL....

 

[GilaMinumBeer]

Any man who's enough of an ******* to sleep with/attempt to sleep with another man's wife deserves whatever that other man decides to do to him in response.

I fault no man for being attracted to my wife. I take it as complimentary.

Until he is told to back off but continues to make advances. That man gets his ass beat.

But if a man does this and then she flirts with him ... **** her.

 

[broadbill]

Any man who's enough of an ******* to sleep with/attempt to sleep with another man's wife deserves whatever that other man decides to do to him in response.

I don't see how violence would be a viable answer in this (or most any) situation. As someone else said, it takes two to tango. The d*ck is already out of the proverbial pants, as it were.

Second, how the hell should that other guy know what sort of agreement one person has with another person? Are they supposed to check for a marriage licence at the town clerk before making a move?

Seriously, the naivete on this particular issue is stunning.

 

[TXCrash]

I don't see how violence would be a viable answer in this (or most any) situation. As someone else said, it takes two to tango. The d*ck is already out of the proverbial pants, as it were.

Second, how the hell should that other guy know what sort of agreement one person has with another person? Are they supposed to check for a marriage licence at the town clerk before making a move?

Seriously, the naivete on this particular issue is stunning.

So, you're pretty sure you can beat up her husband? That what you're saying about your GF?

 

[Hello]

Maybe I missed it, but I did not read into the first post that a hand went to any hoo-hah. My assumption was her ass. Not that it is any more tolerable. But also not uncommon for some drunk ******* to grab some drunk chicks ass.

Vagarities about pictures women send (sounds like maybe she sent him something), flirtations about vegetarianism timing, and talking about the size of his kitten are unnacceptable. Period.

He wrote, " managed to get his hand in her pants at a bar one night." So I thought that meant hand in her pants...like inside...all up in that junk.

 

[KCBrewer]

Troo. But also depends on whether or not it happened before or after the other stuff. Hard to fault a guy for making that move if he's been sent photos, talked about BJ's, and the size of his kitten with her.

Hand in pants guy was a different guy from a year before. There's a pattern here, which has, and likely will continue to, repeat itself.

 

[bob1852]

Troo. But also depends on whether or not it happened before or after the other stuff. Hard to fault a guy for making that move if he's been sent photos, talked about BJ's, and the size of his kitten with her.

It was a different guy....

Hand in pants guy was a different guy from a year before. There's a pattern here, which has, and likely will continue to, repeat itself.

This.

 

[TXCrash]

Hand in pants guy was a different guy from a year before. There's a pattern here, which has, and likely will continue to, repeat itself.

Yup.

And then you'll find her craigslist ad, and then take her back again.

Oh wait, that was me.

Happily divorced now.

RUN!

 

[drainbamage]

I don't see how violence would be a viable answer in this (or most any) situation. As someone else said, it takes two to tango. The d*ck is already out of the proverbial pants, as it were.

Second, how the hell should that other guy know what sort of agreement one person has with another person? Are they supposed to check for a marriage licence at the town clerk before making a move?

Seriously, the naivete on this particular issue is stunning.

Well, if she's wearing a ring, seems best to err on the side of caution...but then, I'm a big fan of not getting shot/stabbed/my ass beat.

If she was in an open marriage and DTF, she would most likely make that known up-front.

 

[GilaMinumBeer]

He wrote, " managed to get his hand in her pants at a bar one night." So I thought that meant hand in her pants...like inside...all up in that junk.

Yeah, I saw it too. But took it to mean her ass. It's pretty vague regardless but not any more acceptable one way or the other.

UNLESS

She sent him tits-n-kittens photos, talked about giving BJ's, etc... first.

 

[CGVT]

Must be ok in AL....

Not what I would do,but there a plenty of guys that would.

Bottom line: She is as much at fault as him. Probably more so.

 

[GilaMinumBeer]

Hand in pants guy was a different guy from a year before. There's a pattern here, which has, and likely will continue to, repeat itself.

It was a different guy....




This.

Oh. I missed that.

 

[TXCrash]

Yeah, I saw it too. But took it to mean her ass. It's pretty vague regardless but not any more acceptable one way or the other.

UNLESS

She sent him tits-n-kittens photos, talked about giving BJ's, etc... first.

Yeah, I guess we'd need to see the pics she sent to properly judge.

 

[hunter_le five]

I don't see how violence would be a viable answer in this (or most any) situation. As someone else said, it takes two to tango. The d*ck is already out of the proverbial pants, as it were.

Second, how the hell should that other guy know what sort of agreement one person has with another person? Are they supposed to check for a marriage licence at the town clerk before making a move?

Seriously, the naivete on this particular issue is stunning.

Never said violence was a solution to the problem, only that he deserves whatever comes of it. Like you said, it takes two to tango. Acting like the cheating wife is the only responsible party is absurd. You don't **** another man's wife. That's a given in life. There's consequences.

If I walked up to you and your wife at a bar and started trying to get her to go home with me by saying sexually suggestive things to her, is your response:
A) Get angry with me, or
B) Wait and see what your wife's response is

Obviously things are different if the third party doesn't realize the woman is married. Duh. That's not what we're talking about here.

 

[TXCrash]

Never said violence was a solution to the problem, only that he deserves whatever comes of it. Like you said, it takes two to tango. Acting like the cheating wife is the only responsible party is absurd. You don't **** another man's wife. That's a given in life. There's consequences.

If I walked up to you and your wife at a bar and started trying to get her to go home with me by saying sexually suggestive things to her, is your response:
A) Get angry with me, or
B) Wait and see what your wife's response is

Obviosuly things are different if the third party doesn't realize the woman is married. Duh. That's not what we're talking about here.

I think the point is that sometimes women hide it... Been there. Men aren't very smart when they're looking for sex.

Wanting to act out in violence is natural - but only ends up with more pain for you when there are criminal consequences for those actions.

 

[TheCADJockey]

You don't -anything- another man's wife. That's a given in life. There's consequences.

Only person I ever beat the living hell out of kissed my wife(gf at the time), and he was a friend.

 

[GilaMinumBeer]

Never said violence was a solution to the problem, only that he deserves whatever comes of it. Like you said, it takes two to tango. Acting like the cheating wife is the only responsible party is absurd. You don't **** another man's wife. That's a given in life. There's consequences.

If I walked up to you and your wife at a bar and started trying to get her to go home with me by saying sexually suggestive things to her, is your response:
A) Get angry with me, or
B) Wait and see what your wife's response is

Obviously things are different if the third party doesn't realize the woman is married. Duh. That's not what we're talking about here.

I'd just tell you to move on, that she is with me.

UNLESS

She sent you ....

 

[hunter_le five]

Wanting to act out in violence is natural - but only ends up with more pain for you when there are criminal consequences for those actions.

Troo.

 

[Vex3521]

If there's a pattern, you know where this is going and has continued to go sadly. I'm sorry you're going through this and the lying honestly I would say only makes it worse.

I got transferred with advances from a co-worker to a different office because it was deemed "innocent" as in getting brushed up against between storage area rows that are narrow and stuff like that. But hands in pants and other stuff like that is beyond. Irony is that I was almost brought up on assault charges for decking him and that ultimately got me transferred because I threatened to sue and knew there were security cameras so threatening to get a lawyer to subpoena the tapes saved my job and he got written up.

She knows she's been caught so I expect the minimizing and covering behaviors are from that. Was it wrong to go through texts, yes, privacy and all but honestly you were trying to do something nice for her and this bs came to light. My husband would not have been as calm and collected, I got a smashed phone when same co-worker was sending flirty texts before I explained what was going on and showed I had said if he needed me to cover a shift it was fine to text me but anything past that to not bother me.

I agree with telling her how it makes you feel and that the disrespect since it's continued after the other person with the pants thing, and that it's honestly not ok. You're not insane, gut is on point.

Sorry this has been going on, hopeful for a resolution that goes gently whatever you do decide. I would separate monies though to ensure you're protected but that's just me. Have seen so many people get screwed over by the "other half" taking full control of all money.... was never pretty

 

[beernbourbon]

But if a man does this and then she flirts with him ... **** her.

Psssst..... Tell ya a lil secret.... I think that's what he was tryin' to do. [emoji12]

 

[bernardsmith]

This is a terrible thing.. and I don't have any advice to offer anyone but it strikes me that you need to decide what it is that you really want. Everyone here is ready to tell you that you need to dump her.. but I think that you need to ask yourself what it is that you want. Is it that at the bottom of everything you want to punish her for her behavior or is it that you want to know if she is committed to your marriage and to you.

If the latter is what you want - that she is committed to you - then you might also want to know how committed she feels YOU are in this relationship - how she FEELS you are committed. If she feels that you are not giving her what she wants/needs but you think /know you are, then what is it that she is looking for from you that she is getting from others? So that is a conversation and not a tongue lashing. If you have no interest in saving your marriage then that is another story and you know how you feel about your wife... but if you want to try to save your marriage then you can tell her that her actions hurt you perhaps humiliate you and that if she is committed to you and she thinks that you are a good partner and a good husband and a good lover then she needs to know that her flirting hurts you. If she is looking from you for something that she is not getting then you need to ask her what it is she wants... and you need to decide if you can give her that or how you can give her that. If she is not looking for you to meet her needs then she has already dumped you...

 

[GilaMinumBeer]

Psssst..... Tell ya a lil secret.... I think that's what he was tryin' to do. [emoji12]

Psssst..... Tell ya a lil secret.... If that is the scenario, he might as well.

 

[JeepGuy]

The hand in the pants was butt, as explained to me. Although at this point it should be noted, that all my info on that is from her directly. She told me it happened and that she tried to stop it. Though her attempts to stop it sounded like they were half hearted at best. I appreciate all the input and will take some of it into consideration moving forward, but will likely stay out of the conversation moving forward. I don't really want to add any more fuel to this thing here and need to stop worrying about what you all say and start applying it to moving toward some sort of resolution with her, be it good or bad.

 

[GilaMinumBeer]

The hand in the pants was butt, as explained to me. Although at this point it should be noted, that all my info on that is from her directly. She told me it happened and that she tried to stop it. Though her attempts to stop it sounded like they were half hearted at best. I appreciate all the input and will take some of it into consideration moving forward, but will likely stay out of the conversation moving forward. I don't really want to add any more fuel to this thing here and need to stop worrying about what you all say and start applying it to moving toward some sort of resolution with her, be it good or bad.

Best of luck to you. Whatever you decide.

I am fairly certain we'll continue to make definite assertions based on vague conclusions until you decide to come back with an update.

 

[Roland_deschain]

This will sound like its bull, but hear me out. Go to www.marriedmansexlife.com. Download Athol Kay's book and read it. I had a similar situation a few years ago and this book helped me to make the changes I needed to make. It may not fix your current relationship but it will make you ready for the next one. This book was a HUGE help for my marriage. (Despite the name, its not about sex.....its about how to be the man she needs so she wont think about straying)

 

[JohnSand]

Good Luck JeepGuy, sincerely.
Don't be goaded into doing anything illegal or dangerous. (Retired cop talking, I've given this advice many times)
Do try to get solid, first hand information. (Okay, that advice comes from being a boyfriend that was played and manipulated. Now happily married to Someone Else)
Whatever happens, it's up to you to find what you need in life.

 

[Zuljin]

You need to go drinking with both of them. See where the evening goes.

 

[Roland_deschain]

Time to start moving monies to a secure place that she doesn't know about. I suggest a deep hole in the woods until the divorce is over.

Hiding marital assets can/will be worse when her attorney digs it up. And they will. My brother tried the same thing, trust me they can find it.