Homebrew facepalms

[619Brewer]

When I was using a 70qt coleman as my mash tun I had fabricated a cpvc pipe manifold that sat at the bottom. After our last batch we had taken the manifold out for cleaning and I had it out on its own to air out.

Well, we were making a new batch and we doughed in and I went over to the bucket that the mainfold was sitting on top of and was holding the manifold for a good 5 minutes before I realized we had doughed in without the manifold attached in the mash tun. We had to perform emergency surgery to try and get it attached with 160+ degree water and mash sloshing around on our hands.

 

[JonM]

Where to begin?

First partial mash, had no idea what I was doing and mashed the grains at some ridiculously low temperature.

On other batches, (recently enough to know better) left the kettle valve open and spilled first runnings onto the ground. Got boiling immersion chiller discharge on my sandal-clad foot. On a winter brewday, let the March pump and QR fittings freeze. Shorted my grain bill by 30% and couldn't figure out why my figures were way off. Didn't clean my kettle valve and, voila! discovered that the ball and fittings were encrusted in black carbonized sugar.

EDIT: I don't know what I did, but I messed up harvesting some 1450 yeast back in November. I think the batch must not have been ready for kegging and harvesting (I just dump the yeast cake into beer bottles per Papazian) Anyway, it must have been too early to seal the yeast/trub into a bottle because, when I opened one on Saturday, Kablooie! It blasted all over the walls like Champagne in the World Series winner's locker room. Took the second bottle into the back yard and popped it open. It too blasted off with enough force to send yeast flying about three feet and - seriously, the bottle had a recoil when it opened. Cripes.

 

[Thirdthorpe]

I love this thread. Every new brewer should read through these.

 

[KramE]

Oh man, where to start.

I've left the valve open so many times that I have "flood control towels."

That being said... guess who got a pump? Yup. This guy. I've forgotten to attach my outflow hose to my RIMS tube a couple of times...I've forgotten to close the valve on the kettle after disconnecting the pump....a couple of times.

So. I have flood control towels for the kitchen and now I have a wet vac for the living room (Amazing how much force those pumps generate).

P.S. I've hooked up the Gas line on my keggerator without having a faucet attached.

 

[mistercameron]

Just in my brew day yesterday: everything went super smooth until the end when my numbers were looking really funky. Double checked and it was still off. 49% efficiency where normally I'm in the low 80s.

Turns out I forgot to check the crush on the grain. The set screws on my mill loosened probably in the beginning and the rollers opened up to 0.045 to 0.067in. Face palm.

That damn monster mill. I should know better by now.

 

[Matteo57]

Removed a keggle mash tun right after doing a step on my burner and brought it inside to keep it warm. The valve was leaking a little so I put the keggle down on my carpet to grab a plastic bag to prevent the leak from staining the carpet. I picked the keggle up and the carpet came with it. I put the keggle down on the plastic bag and looked at the carpet to find a giant burned O where the keggle sat. Looked over and the plastic bag was melted to the bottom of the keggle. You should have put it on a wood board says SWMBO... "Thanks for the 20/20 hindsight."

Have done this. Thankfully on a free strip of carpet I just use in my garage so the floor isn't too cold when hanging out in there!
I named the beer Rugged Pale Ale

 

[TANSTAAFB]

After about 15 minutes I came back down and heard the clogged airlock whistling from the pressure built up behind it promptly before pulling it out and getting a total krausen moneyshot. It didn't even buy me dinner first, either.

Laughed loud and long at this mental image...I'm really glad I hadn't just taken a drink!

 

[Matteo57]

Hell, I do that do often I consider it SOP. Usually retrieve it from the strainer of the kitchen sink, because I forget it's in the fermentor when I go to clean it.

I wasn't thinking when I cleaned my flask and dumped the stirbar down unbeknownst to me. Until, My garbage disposal stopped working and I had to work on it and clean out my torn up stir bar... ha ha at least the garbage disposal didn't break!

 

[Cbaddad]

3 weeks ago I racked 4 gallons of a nice nut brown directly on to 1 gallon of starsan that was in the keg. Didn't realize until the keg was about to overflow and I still had a lot in the carboy. Then it hit me.

Long story short: I got distracted & had thought I'd already emptied that keg.

 

[jrgtr42]

I'd say something about these, but knowing myself and my karma, I'd do exactly the same thing.
Closest I came was when doing a double bottle session (a batch of dubbel that I split half and half and aged on part with bourbon oak.) I left the spigot on the bottle bucket open and dumped a goodly portion of the bourbon aged all over the floor.
SWMBO was thankful that I mopped 3 times to get it all up and non-sticky.

 

[Matteo57]

Laughed loud and long at this mental image...I'm really glad I hadn't just taken a drink!

Have done this before.... Just got home late at night after work, still white dress shirt and tie on and everything. I noticed that my 10g fermentor was clogged up with a huge dark as night IRS. I went to try and slowly loosen the airlock rubber stopper and it just blew up ALL over the place, insluding all over my dress clothes, ceiling, ferm chamber, everything! So, after a super stressful day, I had to take the time to clean everything around 2am in the morning, and try to laugh and wish I had it on film!

**Don't know why it didn't quote the first part, but i'm sure you all get the picture**

 

[Thirdthorpe]

I've heard beer is good for the skin and hair at least.

 

[Matteo57]

I've heard beer is good for the skin and hair at least.

Not good for white dress shirts though or the ceiling... or the floor

 

[Black Island Brewer]

So I thought I'd try my hand at in-bottle pasteurization of a bottle conditioned hard cider, using the water bath technique here on the forums. Got the water up to 190, put in 7 bottles, set the timer, and at 8 minutes 1 blows up. It's in my pressure cooker with the lid sealed, so no other problems. Hoped it was a fluke, did 7 more, had one more blow. So I tried the alternative method of warming them lower in hot tap water, then putting them into 170F water, putting 12 in. Seven more blow, only the increased volume in the cooker brought the water level nearer to the top, so when the first one went, it came out of the pressure relief port just like Old Faithful. Holy hell it was a nightmare!

The happy ending is that I uncapped the rest, set a sanitized lid on top, let it off gas for 20 minutes, recapped and finished up, losing "only" two more. Decided to name it "Exploding Apples Sparkling Hard Cider".

 

[DrunkleJon]

Not that long ago I put my IC into my wort with 15 minutes left like normal. I didn't really think about the tubing and melted the **** out of it. I'd used the silly thing probably half a dozen times before this too. Luckily it was on the outlet, so it wasn't the end of the world.

Did this just the weekend before last. during the last 15 minutes the outflow hose was resting against my burners frame. Luckily there is still just enough remaining for itto be useable, ilbeit barely. Gotta remember to replace that before my next brew.

 

[stonecutter2]

While making my first extract brew, I got to about 1/2 way through the boil, then thought - oh man, am I supposed to have the lid on the kettle? So I put the lid on..."this way I don't evaporate a lot of my wort", says I, feeling quite wise! Then I watched for a while, and turned my back just as a surge of foam pushed the lid up and poured down the sides of the kettle, burning on the stove surface and smelling horrible.

 

[johngaltsmotor]

Removed a keggle mash tun right after doing a step on my burner and brought it inside to keep it warm. The valve was leaking a little so I put the keggle down on my carpet to grab a plastic bag to prevent the leak from staining the carpet. I picked the keggle up and the carpet came with it. I put the keggle down on the plastic bag and looked at the carpet to find a giant burned O where the keggle sat. Looked over and the plastic bag was melted to the bottom of the keggle. You should have put it on a wood board says SWMBO... "Thanks for the 20/20 hindsight."

The carpet from the garage to laundry (brew) room has the big O burnt in. Heat water in garage, then carry in to MLT in laundry. Door was latched so I sat down keggle to open it.... Here's your sign.

 

[johngaltsmotor]

Did this just the weekend before last. during the last 15 minutes the outflow hose was resting against my burners frame. Luckily there is still just enough remaining for itto be useable, ilbeit barely. Gotta remember to replace that before my next brew.

At least yours was the outlet hose. I tossed in my chiller at 15min to sanitize. At Flameout I connect the inlet hose and open the valve at the hose end. No water... walk to spigot... it's on... find kink in hose. Unkink SPHHHHH!!!! Hose had laid against burner frame and with no water flowing it melted a hole in the supply hose :cross: At least the melted hole was about 2ft from the end so I didn't lose much hose length.

 

[JonM]

While making my first extract brew, I got to about 1/2 way through the boil, then thought - oh man, am I supposed to have the lid on the kettle? So I put the lid on..."this way I don't evaporate a lot of my wort", says I, feeling quite wise! Then I watched for a while, and turned my back just as a surge of foam pushed the lid up and poured down the sides of the kettle, burning on the stove surface and smelling horrible.

Third or fourth batch I did the exact same thing, only I put the lid on, sat down, popped a beer and thought "man! This is going really smoothly!" just as the boilover hit.

 

[DrunkleJon]

At least yours was the outlet hose. I tossed in my chiller at 15min to sanitize. At Flameout I connect the inlet hose and open the valve at the hose end. No water... walk to spigot... it's on... find kink in hose. Unkink SPHHHHH!!!! Hose had laid against burner frame and with no water flowing it melted a hole in the supply hose :cross: At least the melted hole was about 2ft from the end so I didn't lose much hose length.

Anti-like. That sucks.

 

[Zepth]

I've heard beer is good for the skin and hair at least.

Taken internally!

I must say that I haven't done anything too facepalm worthy aside from occasional failure to relax. Yet. My day is coming. I'm going to do something incredibly careless and screw up a seemingly simple task. Likely after doing it successfully 20+ times. I promise to come back to this thread and let you all know what I will have done.

 

[scrappy_dingo]

I just bought a new hydrometer with a narrower (more useful) scale than the triple scale I started out with. I tested in in some 60 degree water and saw it was a little off. I thought "Hey, maybe I'll just tap on the end a little and see if I can get that paper to slide dow..." Crack... $20 lesson learned. Hydrometers are fragile.

 

[DrunkleJon]

Taken internally!

I must say that I haven't done anything too facepalm worthy aside from occasional failure to relax. Yet. My day is coming. I'm going to do something incredibly careless and screw up a seemingly simple task. Likely after doing it successfully 20+ times. I promise to come back to this thread and let you all know what I will have done.

Dont worry. It will come. not trying to mess with you but it eventually happens. Just be ready for when it happens rather than if.

 

[Thirdthorpe]

Taken internally!

I must say that I haven't done anything too facepalm worthy aside from occasional failure to relax. Yet. My day is coming. I'm going to do something incredibly careless and screw up a seemingly simple task. Likely after doing it successfully 20+ times. I promise to come back to this thread and let you all know what I will have done.

No, no! My wife has told me several times that she's read how beneficial to the health of your hair and scalp it may be to occasionally rinse with a heavy beer like an oatmeal stout in the shower TO WHICH my reply is always the promise of a swift divorce if I catch you pouring my beer on your damned head in the shower.

 

[jiMithing83]

I've only brewed one batch so far, so I'm sure I'll add more in the future, but:

Bought a heat exchanger without checking the connections... it plugs into the male end of a garden hose, I live in an apartment in downtown Chicago and didn't buy an adaptor (I've since purchased one)

Set my primary in the bedroom where contamination from cat hair isn't a concern. The next morning, LCD thermometer reads 61 degrees... move it to a cabinet in the kitchen that's closer to the thermostat... goes up to 77 degrees! Move it back to the bedroom but further from the window, now it's sitting at 64.

The first thing I'm doing when we move in 3 weeks is fill my carboy with water and find an ideal spot with good temperature to avoid repeating the second one.

 

[zeg]

I have three of them, roughly in chronological order.

1) I got parts to assemble a copper immersion chiller, starting with the usual refrigerator tubing. After carefully wrapping that around something or other to form the main loops, it was time to bend the ends for the in/out connections. The way I assembled it, this needed some fairly tight radius bends (but well within the capabilities of the tube).

Now, experienced benders probably know that there are convenient tools for making these bends without collapsing the tubing, and that these are a good investment. I knew of their existence, but figured I would just be careful. I had some excess length, so it wouldn't be the end of the world if I had to saw the collapsed part off and shorten the thing a bit.

It turns out there's another reason to use these tools. I learned this when I watched my thumb seriously hyperextend while I pressed the tube around whatever bottle I was using as a form... I could have bought a dozen or so of those tools for what the X-ray cost afterwards.


2) After recovering from the injury, I did a few batches with the IC and it was great. Cooling down to pitching temps in 30-40 minutes was fantastic. Then on one batch, it felt like it was taking far too long. After poking around, looking for leaks, wondering how such a simple gadget could stop working in any subtle way, the "Burner On" light on my stove caught my eye.

At least now I know that IC vs "High" on my burner stabilizes at around 90°F.


3) It was about 1am and I had just turned off the stove and was cleaning things up while the kettle cooled. At some point during the clean up, I started to put away the 3 pound bag of DME that was still sitting, full, on the table.... at least things were still hot; I'm sure that I really wanted my 5-minute hops addition to be a 20 minute one.

 

[jbaysurfer]

Hell, I do that do often I consider it SOP. Usually retrieve it from the strainer of the kitchen sink, because I forget it's in the fermentor when I go to clean it.

Don't you guys have "getter" magnets (neodymium-sp)? Mine works through the carboy walls.

 

[Black Island Brewer]

Don't you guys have "getter" magnets (neodymium-sp)? Mine works through the carboy walls.

Of course! But that's what makes it even more of a facepalm!

 

[ArkotRamathorn]

No, no! My wife has told me several times that she's read how beneficial to the health of your hair and scalp it may be to occasionally rinse with a heavy beer like an oatmeal stout in the shower TO WHICH my reply is always the promise of a swift divorce if I catch you pouring my beer on your damned head in the shower.

I don't know man, that sounds a lot like the start of a homebrewer themed porno.

One very recent only a couple weeks ago, I was doing quick honey wheat extract kit my dad purchased at home (live in an apartment so its not feasible for me to use my propane burner at home) on an electric stove. While I was in the middle of the boil I was doing dishes as my way of bribing SWMBO to let me brew at home instead of having to go over to her parents (because I "always" break something or make a mess...). I had set one of the dishes to the side since it was too big to go in the dish drying rack, on a cork trivet (one of those things you set hot pans on to not melt your counters) so, wet dish on a cork trivet.

Fast forward to near end of boil and I have put most of the dishes away to make room on the counter, take boiling pot of wort off electric burner and place it on the wet cork trivet on the counter (cause I'm smart and wasn't going to melt the counter top). Add the rest of the LME to the pot, stir like crazy. Put the pot back on the stove, turn back around to do a few more dishes while the last couple minutes of the boil tick down. "Ah I'll dry off that trivet and put it away since I'm super smart and will make the kitchen look cleaner than when I started". No trivet... Why is the kitchen so smokey? There's no way the pot boiled over in only the course of 40 seconds...

Learned a lovely attribute of cork when it's wet it will stick to things, particularly when you pick the pot up and put it on the stove and the cork doesn't start on fire, it just smolders and fills your house with smoke. I'm sure if anyone was looking when I opened the door to our patio a huge plume of smoke came out and it looked like we had Cheech and Chong over for dinner. (wrote in my log book since the beer was very delicious, burn cork during boil)

 

[butterpants]

I wasn't thinking when I cleaned my flask and dumped the stirbar down unbeknownst to me. Until, My garbage disposal stopped working and I had to work on it and clean out my torn up stir bar... ha ha at least the garbage disposal didn't break!

I did this but it didn't break the disposal. Just made a cranky noise for 3 days (that I just ignored) before my wife decided to check what the hell was in there. Completely mangled the polymer coating but bar was intact. Such a *******...


Sent from my Galaxy Nexus using Home Brew mobile app