autobaun70
Well-Known Member
What is everyone's favorite way to cope? I usually pack a 12 pack of good brew per day, and a fifth or more of good scotch or bourbon for backup. Sometimes this isn't enough.
All kidding aside, many weekends, and most holidays are spent at the lake at either my folks place or my in-laws. We all get along great, however I always end up going nuts by the end of day 3 or so if we are with the in-laws. They are great people, but they feel the need to include everyone in everything, and have very little awareness of anyone's personal space. Very specifically, this carries over into my ability to have privacy (any) with my wife. They are the type if family that thinks the best way to enjoy family time is for as many people as possible to be there, and to be as close as possible the entire time. In my opinion, they confuse quality time with quantity of time.
Upstairs there are 2 bedrooms plus a den area. Between the two bedrooms is a bathroom. The only way to lock the doors is to lock the bath entrance from the other bedroom, and there is no entrance from the hall. Most of the time only one bedroom is occupied, ours. In my mind, it is more than obvious that once we go to bed (which is never early) that no one would come through the other bedroom to use the restroom, especially considering there are numerous other bathrooms in the house. They obviously miss this (on my opinion) very obvious thing, which I think should be so obvious that it not need be mentioned. Because this happens my wife absolutely shuts down all advances because of the high probability of being heard/caught. She is also mortified of even bring up the subject with her folks, because the mention of sex is a completely taboo subject for them.
Another example, any time we end up at the same hotel they insist on paying (typically for a wedding or something). The kicker is, my mother-in-law always makes a specific request for adjoining rooms; which is my personal version of hell. Lets be honest, post wedding sex is something to look forward to, and at the same time unlikely if you are sharing a wall with you in-laws. I am very grateful that they like to pay, though it is not a deciding factor on our decision to participate in an event or not. Its the fact that my mother-in-law doesnt realize that we can spend as much time as we wish together, even if we are staying on a different floor, or down the hall, while at the same time giving us the option of having time apart once we part ways for the evening. There is no additional togetherness to be gained by listening to one another snore. Once I was in charge of making the reservations. I made a point to make the reservations on separate floors. They happened to arrive before us, and made a point to pay for our room, and at the same time request to be put next to one another. I was put in the awkward position of holding my tongue, while my mother-in-law was all happy and excited that we would be close.
How can I convey the needed message without upsetting everybody, and making them think that I don't like visiting, while at the same time getting the message across? I want to convey that I like time apart, not for the sake of being apart, but for the sake of being with my wife, and us being able to be frank and open with one another, regardless of the bedroom implications. I just want the option. Its basically like, tell me I cant do something, and I will be pissed just because you implied that I couldnt.
Every time the subject comes up between me and my wife she basically says, why sex is so important ALL of the time. My argument is that it should never be completely off limits due to others lack of respect for privacy, baring special circumstances (that don't allow for such) which should be VERY occasional. For the sake of caparison, when we visit the in-laws in their hometown (where they live during the week), it is fairly cramped. In this situation, I dont even entertain the idea, as I know it would be awkward. At the lake is another story (nice large house). That said, we are typically only there 1-2 nights, no big deal.
Thankfully everything is good in this area when we are home, but damn, I am getting frustrated beyond belief.
Deep inside I feel like I could easily get my point across 1 on 1 with either my mother in-law, or father in-law, preferably not at the same time. The holdup is I am about 75% sure they would receive the message correctly; however the fact that we had the conversation would make it back to my wife, which wouldn't be well received.
All kidding aside, many weekends, and most holidays are spent at the lake at either my folks place or my in-laws. We all get along great, however I always end up going nuts by the end of day 3 or so if we are with the in-laws. They are great people, but they feel the need to include everyone in everything, and have very little awareness of anyone's personal space. Very specifically, this carries over into my ability to have privacy (any) with my wife. They are the type if family that thinks the best way to enjoy family time is for as many people as possible to be there, and to be as close as possible the entire time. In my opinion, they confuse quality time with quantity of time.
Upstairs there are 2 bedrooms plus a den area. Between the two bedrooms is a bathroom. The only way to lock the doors is to lock the bath entrance from the other bedroom, and there is no entrance from the hall. Most of the time only one bedroom is occupied, ours. In my mind, it is more than obvious that once we go to bed (which is never early) that no one would come through the other bedroom to use the restroom, especially considering there are numerous other bathrooms in the house. They obviously miss this (on my opinion) very obvious thing, which I think should be so obvious that it not need be mentioned. Because this happens my wife absolutely shuts down all advances because of the high probability of being heard/caught. She is also mortified of even bring up the subject with her folks, because the mention of sex is a completely taboo subject for them.
Another example, any time we end up at the same hotel they insist on paying (typically for a wedding or something). The kicker is, my mother-in-law always makes a specific request for adjoining rooms; which is my personal version of hell. Lets be honest, post wedding sex is something to look forward to, and at the same time unlikely if you are sharing a wall with you in-laws. I am very grateful that they like to pay, though it is not a deciding factor on our decision to participate in an event or not. Its the fact that my mother-in-law doesnt realize that we can spend as much time as we wish together, even if we are staying on a different floor, or down the hall, while at the same time giving us the option of having time apart once we part ways for the evening. There is no additional togetherness to be gained by listening to one another snore. Once I was in charge of making the reservations. I made a point to make the reservations on separate floors. They happened to arrive before us, and made a point to pay for our room, and at the same time request to be put next to one another. I was put in the awkward position of holding my tongue, while my mother-in-law was all happy and excited that we would be close.
How can I convey the needed message without upsetting everybody, and making them think that I don't like visiting, while at the same time getting the message across? I want to convey that I like time apart, not for the sake of being apart, but for the sake of being with my wife, and us being able to be frank and open with one another, regardless of the bedroom implications. I just want the option. Its basically like, tell me I cant do something, and I will be pissed just because you implied that I couldnt.
Every time the subject comes up between me and my wife she basically says, why sex is so important ALL of the time. My argument is that it should never be completely off limits due to others lack of respect for privacy, baring special circumstances (that don't allow for such) which should be VERY occasional. For the sake of caparison, when we visit the in-laws in their hometown (where they live during the week), it is fairly cramped. In this situation, I dont even entertain the idea, as I know it would be awkward. At the lake is another story (nice large house). That said, we are typically only there 1-2 nights, no big deal.
Thankfully everything is good in this area when we are home, but damn, I am getting frustrated beyond belief.
Deep inside I feel like I could easily get my point across 1 on 1 with either my mother in-law, or father in-law, preferably not at the same time. The holdup is I am about 75% sure they would receive the message correctly; however the fact that we had the conversation would make it back to my wife, which wouldn't be well received.
