Funny $h;t dad does.. Or mom... Or me... Or...

CornyKegs 728
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707

707

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I wanted to start a Thread reflecting on funny, humbling, outrageous, or bizzare stories I (we) all have from our family or life experiences. Please follow up this post with your own anecdotes!!

Ok. So the coming of spring here in WV is marked with the arrival of the red-breasted robin. Longer daylight hours. And the appearance of my father, shirtless. With his natural sweater glistening in the sun. Always with knee high socks. Give or take a headband. He's an awesome guy. One of my heroes.

Shirtless dad has also been known to scratch his furry back with a fork at the dinner table and continue eating. We have come to accept this... But guests don't get it. I believe one of my brothers lost a girlfriend who experienced this glory.
 
I saw my dad shirtless...once. By accident. Always in an undershirt and long-sleeved Dickies. With the sleeves rolled up in summer.
So...It's Spring in WV? :D I'm moving!
 
Haha. No I wish it was spring. But for some reason that story popped in muh head and I thought it would be funny to share no matter what season it is!
 
My daughter is a lovely person. But she's blonde, inside and out.

She manages, even today, to get most song lyrics totally wrong.

Some of my favorites, sung at top volume:

Rolling Stones: "I'll never leave your pizza burning.........."
Tom Petty: "Running down the drain............"
AC/DC: "She has a fax machine............." (for " She was a fast machine")
 
I came home from college for a weekend or something, and my dad tells me that we need to have a talk. He sits me down and tells me about this new disease they keep talking about on the news, and it worse than AIDS. Its some kind of VD and nothing kills it, and I should be aware cause this is bad $hi7. Even though as a college student I was not the most connected to the news cycle, I kind of figured that I would have heard something about some new disease worse than HIV/AIDS. So I ask him what this new disease is called and he tells me that it is STD and it is bad bad stuff. I start busting up laughing, and explain to him that they no longer use the term VD, it is now STD's
 
Yooper said:
My daughter is a lovely person. But she's blonde, inside and out.

She manages, even today, to get most song lyrics totally wrong.

Some of my favorites, sung at top volume:

Rolling Stones: "I'll never leave your pizza burning.........."
Tom Petty: "Running down the drain............"
AC/DC: "She has a fax machine............." (for " She was a fast machine")
Click to expand...

There's a start for Weird Al's next album...
 
My dad always taught me to be aware of my surroundings and he's bringing his awareness of his surroundings into old age. It used to be he would point out very cool and interesting things. Nowadays, we'll be driving down the road he'll see something that doesn't really warrant a remark and then remark on it.

"Hmm, stop sign."
"Holiday Inn!"
 
Dad isms:
"jeet chet?" Translation: "did you eat yet?"
"Get'chee some." Translation: "have some."
"Yunt to?" Translation: "do you want to?"
 
707 said:
Dad isms:
"jeet chet?" Translation: "did you eat yet?"
"Get'chee some." Translation: "have some."
"Yunt to?" Translation: "do you want to?"
Click to expand...

Sounds like a Tennesseean, am I right?
 
After several rounds of beers, dad started telling us about his college days. He was on the basketball team and lived with 4 other guys in a frat-ish house. He was recalling a girl that used to visit and party with them....

"She had a body like a playboy bunny, and a face like a garbage can. And she'd come down to party... and if we wanted to go again, she'd lay all ten of us."
 
nukebrewer said:
My dad always taught me to be aware of my surroundings and he's bringing his awareness of his surroundings into old age. It used to be he would point out very cool and interesting things. Nowadays, we'll be driving down the road he'll see something that doesn't really warrant a remark and then remark on it.

"Hmm, stop sign."
"Holiday Inn!"
Click to expand...

My grandpa would do that, sans any advice on awareness. He just did it.

Rallys, Winn Dixie, that bird shop is up here, there it is, you can turn left here and go to the hardware, hooker, look a that red Ford...
 
Got to say, I really used to enjoy my Grandpa's amusing folksy old-person racism. I won't drop any here, but it always made me chuckle.
 
my mom gives up easy. we were driving into town (about 10 miles) one winter. forest on both sides of the highway. she hit some ice & we went into the ditch to our right. we were heading straight for a huge pine when she folded her arms and said, "Well, there's no point steering now." I yelled for her to grab the wheel and she jerked it left hard. we missed the tree, went right back up on the road, and denies that ever happened.
 
I have had a red Union suit for thirty years, I only wear it to hand out presents to the family on Christmas morning. Let's just say there was a lot less of me when I bought it and it may have to be retired into a family Hall of Shame soon.
Our other Christmas tradition is that somebody will get a very nicely wrapped gag gift. One year I gave my wife a "diamond necklace". It was a 1" diameter diamond drill bit for cutting cores in oil/gas wells. A couple of years ago we gave our son a battery powered leg humping monkey.
 
Jesus Christo. Aint worth much, perhaps one of those 'have to be there' things...but dad tends to get affixed on a word of the day for about a month straight. This months word has been 'bureaucracy'. ****, not sure how much more I can take, but everything wrong no matter what, is a result of bureaucracy.
 

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