It was a 5 gal batch. What would I have noticed wrong in trying to hit that OG? I read the gravity with a hydrometer. Can you explain what you say in your last couple of sentences?
Extract brewing is nearly foolproof. You have a defined amount of sugar in extract that does not change. There can be a touch of variation depending on extract manufacturer and what not, but it's rarely more than a point or two difference.
If you added 10.5 lbs of DME into a 5 gallon batch, your gravity will be very close to right. It is not physically possible for it to be any other way. If your gravity was truly at 1.045, you would either have not added more than half of your extract (which you likely would have noticed), or you would have had to top off to more than a 10 gallon batch, and not 5 gallons. Which you DEFINITELY would have noticed.
So unless one of those two things happened, your OG reading was not accurate. Whether that's a temp issue (if you read the gravity at boiling, it could explain the difference, but that's about it), or your hydrometer is broken (possible) or you simply didn't get adequate mixing of wort and top off water, which is a very common problem with extract beer and nearly impossible to avoid even with extended shaking or mixing. However, it's nothing to worry about, because fermentation will fix it.
My point here is that if you added everything you were supposed to and topped off to where you were supposed to, your OG was right and you can disregard your 1.045 reading because it simply is not correct. For a 5 gallon batch, I would go with 1.105.
And then, for a high gravity beer, not properly aerated for a beer of that gravity (really does need pure O2, can't get to an ideal level with atmospheric air no matter how long or hard you shake it), and without knowing the details of your yeast (you said you made a starter, but starter size, yeast age, etc, I'm willing to bet for a beer of that magnitude you still greatly underpitched), Going from 1.105 to 1.040 isn't ideal, but it makes a little more sense.