Epic Poem

[sudsmonkey]

Stu started to sweat- he knew he was caught
The banker had guessed that the beer was store-bought !
He jumped from his chair , knocking over the keg.
He fell to the floor and started to beg:
" Oh, please, Mr. Banker, if you'll just hear me out !
Cheyco and the hairy guy drank all my stout !"

 

[Sir Sudster]

They really are good guys
Yes , I know one stinks
sits in the corner and never blinks
But they are part of my crew
they help me make brew
You should reconsider..I thinks.

 

[sudsmonkey]

All we need is some cash, we'll find us a spot.
We'll set up the burner and big-assed brew pot.
We'll stir in our grains, our adjuncts and hops.
We'll ferment and keg and bottle our brew
And each week we'll bring a free case to you.
So there is the deal, you give it a think.
Excuse me, I must go throw up in your sink.

 

[Chairman Cheyco]

Get out of my bank you vomitous wretch
supporting your habit is too much of a stretch!
Go back to your friends and drink to their kind
Or shall I serve you my home-made wine?

 

[sudsmonkey]

Stu stood still- he was in a bind.
Did the Banker just mention his homemade wine?
Surely , a winemaker must understand-
what life must be like for a beer makin' man.
You work and you sweat, you stress and toil.
You carry your creation to the end of the boil.
Most mother F ers, they can't understand
What life is like for the beermakin' man

 

[Sir Sudster]

Pour me a glass of this vintage you speak
I'd like to know what road you seek
When was this born, spring, summer or winter
and how long have you been this closet vintner.
The Banker raised his glass and with a toast
said cleanup that vomit its really gross.

 

[The Happy Mug]

Stu was given a second chance,
and started into a happy dance
It's strange to see one clean vomit as so,
all the while doing a one-man mambo

"It's something that you'll soon see,
My beers are great and soon we'll taste,
and then see who further can pee,
So let's get this brew going with haste!"

 

[Chairman Cheyco]

So off he ran to his lhbs
only to find, to his great distress
that his brewshop was gone, it was no more
He approached the site slowly, and knocked on the door

 

[Sasquatch]

"Come on in, Big Fella"
He heard a voice declare.
Charlotte the Harlot was
Displaying her wares.

She'd taken over the old
"Shoppe de Home Brew"
(which was number 22
Acacia Avenue)

 

[Chairman Cheyco]

The man who sent me, his name was Bruce
He said you may indeed have use
for a man who's learned the ways of yeast,
and on he mumbled about 'The Beast.'
And so it is to you I pose,
I need a chiller, have you some hose?

 

[The Happy Mug]

"I do indeed have some hose,"
Stu said with definate surprise,
Trying to figure out what those
needed of his equipment inside.

 

[Sasquatch]

"But six inches of hose
is never enough... I better
call the Happy Mug -
He's got the stuff.

His hose is gigantic
And he uses it just right...

 

[Sir Sudster]

..tucked in his boot and out of sight.

Happy Mug , Happy Mug are you there
I need to borrow one of your wares.

The hairy guy said I could find what I need
He said to call you.. you'd have what I need.

 

[BrewBrothaRick]

But catch me in the right light
You'll see my ship's shaped to please
And if I shake my trousers down I'm hung just above the knees.

 

[The Happy Mug]

I never thought I'd see the day,
when I simply don't know what to say
I've been using the auto-siphon,
went from gardner snake to python

Truth is I got the damn thing stuck,
when I tried my hand and my luck
brewing a batch of Walker's weiner weizen
Only to learn nothing rhymes with weizen

It saddens me and is really a shame,
it takes all the blood away from my brain
I would jump in for a romp about,
but if I get stiff I'll pass right out.

 

[sudsmonkey]

A hose is a hose
Racks brew off the trub
Doesn't matter if it's long
or just a stub
as long as it works, who can complain?
That reminds me , Stu...
What IS that stain?

 

[The Happy Mug]

It just doesn't seem right to not give this an ending.

He looked around, saw all the brew stuff
It was still all here, and boy was it enough
From carboys to barrels of grains and hops,
Of kettles and burners and siphons of the shop
All was still here, enough for any brewer
and it was then Stu's doubts never fewer

Stu stood up and announced to them all,
ladies of the evening and "dates" to the ball,
"For your money you'll no longer need to screw,
Relax and rejoice, I'll teach you all how to brew!"
"I've got great ideas, my list of brews not shorter,
from cheap tail pale ale to prostitute porter
We'll brew them all here, the house of ill repute,
for our bringing in cash will never be dispute."

The banker said softly, a grin on his face,
"You know dear boy, this is my kind of place,
We could get right down and pump out some cash,
pump out some beer and maybe later some ass,
We'll make an awful lot of dough,
and our brewmaster will be a fine ho."

The ladies all looked, and smiled ear to ear
forget what they'd done, now they'll make beer
and whenever he wants, give Stu some rear

So that's our story, take it as you will
Sometimes it may have sounded like swill
But our poem was epic, and lasted many a line
and finally, our ending has reached its time.
Remember the moral of Stu and the banker,
Neither will no longer be a lonely spanker
Whenever you're in doubt remember it's here -
a place full of hotties who make damn good beer.

 

[sudsmonkey]

Sir-
I weep at the beauty of your literary genius ! Don't think anyone could've pulled out a better ending. Not Shakespeare, Chaucer, Keates, Dickens, Steve King, the editors from Penthouse Letters, none of them !
I applaud your work, and would like to be the first to thank you for a fine ending. What are we gonna do next ?

 

[Chairman Cheyco]

Mug, you're the pitcher, that was a ton of fun.

 

[Sir Sudster]

Bravo, Happy Mug. Quite artistic!

 

[The Happy Mug]

Thanks guys, that had been brewing about in my head for a while. That was a fun thread without a doubt.