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S-Met

Department of Redundancy Department.
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Sometimes the obvious does not seem obvious after a few too many drinks. The kind of place where you share things that may have been preceded with statements like:

It seemed like a good idea at the time...

Or

Hey y'all watch this...
 
Don't Pee into the Wind

Make sure the wind is to your back and always be sure your beer cup is a safe distance. You don't want to accidentally kick it over when you turn around.
 
Don't Pee into the Wind

Make sure the wind is to your back and always be sure your beer cup is a safe distance. You don't want to accidentally kick it over when you turn around.

We heed this advice a lot when sailing. Even though it is a little hard, always pee to leeward, not to windward.
 
In a bar's men's room the "5 second rule" does NOT apply! For the record, I was a witness not a participant. [emoji16]
 
When approached with the phrase “Hey smell this!” always say no.

Many years ago, I worked in a restaurant. They decided to try a new cheese sauce. My co-worker offered a spoonful to me and said, "try this. It's the new cheese sauce. It tastes like +@&#"

I wouldn't try it and he laughed. He then said there was nothing wrong with it but I should watch everybody's reaction.

Everybody else tasted it and said it tasted like +@&#. Just on the power of suggestion. They changed back to the old supplier for the next order.
 
Oh man there are about a million things that you should never do drunk! There are about a million other things that you should do drunk though!
 
Shaving, especially if you use a blade, is never a good idea after a few too many. Not too fun whe you're hung over either.
 
At least wear a 1/2 apron or your undies. Bacon splatters tickle the hands but stings the hell out of the naughty bits.
My beer belly saved the good parts. Still wasn’t fun but hey beer bellies can be good for something!
 
If you are into that sort of things a good beer belly can keep the privates from getting sunburned. I would have to be drunk for this scenario.
 
If you are into that sort of things a good beer belly can keep the privates from getting sunburned. I would have to be drunk for this scenario.
If I could do it without becoming a registered sex offender I would wear my birthday suit in my back yard every time! I live in a suburb though and have a chain link fence. I’m also a block away from a school so that would be very bad! Oh yeah not to mention those mosquito bites would be the worst!
 
Do not go shopping on Amazon after the first drink. When a bunch of packages start showing up and you dont remember what it could possibly be...
 
Do not go shopping on Amazon after the first drink. When a bunch of packages start showing up and you dont remember what it could possibly be...

I have a 15g Bayou kettle in my garage that I never use. Bought after “drunk shopping”. Seemed like a good idea at the time!
 
Don't make a phone call or text anyone unless you know the number by memory.

If you can't remember the number you're too drunk, if you don't have the number in your memory they're not that close to you and will be offended or at least weirded out.
 
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Remember what close you are wearing while wearing them. Don't forget either.
Try and avoid wearing hoods. I thought some @sshole was standing right behind me half the night. I kept looking over my shoulder all night looking for him beause I'd hear something behind me and catch a shadow out of the corner of my eye.

Then I realized 2 key points. The shadow out of the corner of my eye was my hood and the @sshole behind me talking was my own. Damn @sshole had bad breath too!
 
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