I have shamelessly stolen these from other sources.
Beer is not a good cocktail party drink, especially in a home where you don't know where the bathroom is. -Billy Carter
Brandy and water spoils two good things. -Charles Lamb
It's a naive domestic Burgundy without any breeding, but I think you'll be amused by its presumption. -James Thurber
The Germans are exceedingly fond of Rhine wines. One tells them from the vinegar by the label. -Mark Twain
A fine beer may be judged with only one sip, but it's better to be thoroughly sure. - Czech Proverb
The government will fall that raises the price of beer. - Czech Proverb
When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer. - Dave Barry
Life begins at 60 - 1.060, that is. - Denny Conn
You're all wanking sissies if you even think about using a grain mill, teeth, or ball-peen hammer. A real brewer uses 17 vestal virgins stomping on the grain in a large wooden vat. And yeast is for losers. True brewers just dip one end of their dog into the wort to get things going. - Drew Avis
If my mother was tied up and held ransom, I might think about making a light beer. - Greg Koch, CEO and co-founder of Stone Brewing
Put it back in the horse! - H. Allen Smith, after he drank his first American beer.
The house was as empty as a beer closet in premises where painters have been at work. - Mark Twain
They didn't trademark everything back then. Now someone farts and they put a TM after it. Even Miller Lite says 'A Fine Pilsner Beer' on the label. It is a crime. - Michael Jackson, the Beer Hunter
Women and drink. Too much of either can drive you to the other. - Michael Still
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. - W. C. Fields