Doing favors for people

[jgln]

I get a lot of offers for help but I have learned not to depend on a timely response. So now I usually thank them for the offer and then hire a contractor if I need professional help.

 

[conpewter]

Just buy an old beater truck with a cap, I always find uses for my truck and it's nice to have as a backup vehicle or when a friend need something (Granted no cap on my truck, but not full of crap either) Probably can get one for $500 on craigslist, I had mine as a kid and it is still going strong.

 

[lunchbox]

Who cares if he's ****ing family? Next time he asks for a favor, tell him to **** off, he wouldn't lend you his SUV for a couple hours.

So much truth.

I don't understand why people get so caught up in bloodlines.

 

[dataz722]

I have one friend that we both help each other with things A LOT! Other than that I don't even bother asking most anybody else. I have no problem telling family no because I got tired of them never recipricating.

 

[springer]

I do things for other people all the time but everyone knows not to even bother to ask to use my Harley or my Truck . I have a neighbor who asked me to pick up some gravel for him I was polite but said "no" he was a little pushy and said "You pick up gravel and stuff all the time." Said "ya my truck my gravel " him " So whats the difference ?" Me "You gunna fix my truck if something breaks or the front loader dents my truck?" I didn't buy a 40k+ truck to do others peoples hauling and I sure as hell wont do any ones plowing either .. But I did help him spread out 6 yards of gravel.

so that makes me half a ****** right

 

[PinkyOFloyd]

Sounds to me like he owes you a favor. He obviously thinks less of you for not wanting to lend a hand. Rather than saying NO next time he asks for a favor, just give him the wrong information, or drop that end table he asked you to help move or, well you get the idea. He won't be asking you for favors anymore that's for sure and there's no point in you asking him for any either.

 

[Matrix4b]

I think that the general consensus is that, legal issues aside, it is being stingy not to help you out. By the sounds of the request it was for him to drive HIS Escalade or other SUV that he owns and not belonging to his dealership. So driving on him, car on him. Claim is that he did not wish to help out with the reason of NOT having an acceptable vehicle to do the job when that was not true.

Simply put, He can't be bothered to return your favors by helping this one time. That is just being stingy and not as generous as you have been with your time.

Yes, this scenerio would burn me up and cause me to think twice about helping him out. It may even promote me to remind him of all the help you gave and that it was not required of you. "Thanks for not helping" done now with as much as I was helping you unless you give me compensation for my favors.

Moving on.

 

[brewmonk]

Um, not to be an imbibing objective outsider, but, the car dealer is less than accommodating, and aint gittin any mo fayvoos, BIATCHE! (and if i was an ex-used-car-salesman that had made it big, i wouldnt be wanting the favors to be radiating AWAY from me either!!!!!!!! HA!)

Apart from that, it was unfortunate, a lesson was learned, and this is an entire thread that now reads "dick, dick, dick, dcik, dick", it sounds like the damn Village Voice Escort Ad section. ( I really hope that you get the tv moved!)

get yer dad's, backup really fast with the gate down and slam on the brakes. drop a sheet of plywood into the newly pristene ass end of his petro mule, wrap the plasma in blankets and plastic sheeting, and lay it it FACE UP on several layers of cardboard and blankets, with another few layers covering. It's not the potholes that Eff it up, its being airborn that turns physics against you, so webbelt it down. GENTLY.

Sorry you have to carry at least part of your cousins genes around with you, glad that in your case they seem to be RECESSIVE!

(yes, this is a tounge in cheek troll, so whos the fish?)
seriously, good luck.

 

[Bedlam]

You know, one of my favorite professors once told me "Family is often just a misnomer for those who abuse the privilege of knowing you."

He advocated 'choosing' your own family by weighing individual members objectively. In other words, if a person is related to you, judge how much time/effort you are willing to put into the relationship by comparing that person objectively to your other friends-- whom you have chosen by using a better set of ideals.

Or somesuch. I've been drinking. Don't mind me.

But, drinking or no, I can tell you that if I were anywhere near ya, me and El Hubbo would be wandering your way to help. Sucko to the cousin. Booooo!

 

[BBKing]

Last Sunday I wasnt going to be around and SWMBO needed to be taken to get her oil changed at Farm King, so everything was arranged with my brother a few days before.

Day of, he didnt answer her texts and was late in meeting her at our place by an hour and a half...which meant that it was too late, and we had to work it out the next day...a day I worked overtime as luck would have it.

Yet 3 months ago when I was a half hour late on the second weekend of remodeling/tiling his kitchen and bathroom his panties were all twisted and he sure was pouty.

Love my brother to death, but when someone else needs something, he couldnt care less...yet when its about him...it has to be done NOW!

Totally know the feeling. And it IS hard telling family to go **** themselves on stuff like this. Makes family get togethers a tad bit akward for awhile.

Me personally? I let it go and learn the lesson.

 

[BBKing]

You know, one of my favorite professors once told me "Family is often just a misnomer for those who abuse the privilege of knowing you."

He advocated 'choosing' your own family by weighing individual members objectively. In other words, if a person is related to you, judge how much time/effort you are willing to put into the relationship by comparing that person objectively to your other friends-- whom you have chosen by using a better set of ideals.

Or somesuch. I've been drinking. Don't mind me.

But, drinking or no, I can tell you that if I were anywhere near ya, me and El Hubbo would be wandering your way to help. Sucko to the cousin. Booooo!

I agree with this, good post.

However, on the flip side, like friends can and so often do, a family member cant easily reject a person and pretend that they dont exist. Ever have a child when the rest of your friends are single? If so, you know what I mean.

I suppose its all a game of give and take.

 

[Grimster]

Luckily my sister and her hubbie are pretty give and take with us, if anything I've taken advantage of her (long story I might post it some day it's a pretty sad tale, how my kid was born 9 years ago while we were living with my sister). My mother is a widow now and luckily again, my sister actually probably does more for her than I do if you added it up, though we both help her out regularly, it's just that my sister is a nurse and I'm an IT guy so with a widow who is now taking care of HER 84 year old father (another tale is how the old man got here from Germany and why) so nursing skills are far more often necessary than say, my ability to drive a nail straight or debug a computer or change oil.

Now my WIFE'S mother whoo I'm not gonna even get started on that one.

I'm the one with several trailers, both enclosed and flat, a long wheel base dually and I'm beginning to become a halfway decent mechanic (I didn't change my own oil for the first time till I was 35 years old so I'm a late bloomer on that front) so I'm getting asked for favors from time to time, if I don't "owe" the asker anything I make sure that I get something out of them upfront so if they never do nothing else for me, I won't feel put out. Here are two (abridged) conversations I had recently with people needing my assistance:

"Sure I'll come help you move that decrepit old boat and trailer out of your backyard and to wherever it is you want to take them, I hear Kroger's has sirloin steaks on sale and just surprise me with your beer selection, we'll move that boat and then cook some steaks and have a beer and salad, sound like a plan? I'll bring the hunger and the thirst!"

"Sure bring your car over I'll swap out that alternator that requires removing 73 pieces of plastic and screws and the arms of a squid to get to. It's thirsty work though, it'll take at least a half case of Flying Dog Barley Wine before I get it all done though, Windmill Beverages has them, first rack, second to the top row, can't miss it, if they're out, Great Divide Yeti is fine too, just ask one of the girls there to find it for you if you can't!"

I'm not at all opposed to more or less stating up front what I need for repayment. I prefer not to let people "owe me" because yeah, people often won't make good and then you just get pissed about it.

 

[northernlad]

I think any friend or family member who won't let you use their car for that short amount of time for any reason other than they are actually using it at that exact time is suspect.

 

[brewmonk]

I extend 'party credit', I will do the first favor. You get it next time.
My calendar has a memory, though, and gets cranky if the score gets 3-0.

 

[r2eng]

Thankfully, I have a pretty good immediate family. We are pretty helpful to each other, and help with stuff like the OP posted often.

However, my family sucks for other reasons...

 

[mordantly]

i don't let anyone drive any of my vehicles... 2 are race cars and have special equipment that i don't want destroyed, the other has to be shifted easy until i fix the transmission mount, motorcycle is vintage honda worth more than any one of my vehicles.

but, it's as easy as "you get the case of beer, and lets go move this tv." solving the who drives, and some hands that big stuff requires.

i trust everyone once.