Well cider is more like a wine that a beer, and ciders, meads, and thinks like that take time. Most folks hated it young. It wasn't pleasant at all and hotly alcoholic. But after 6 months in primary it was much smoother.
It may be scary to you, but that's just the facts, things need time to mellow. Heck it may take a month or two to even reach terminal gravity. We're not making koolaid here, we're dealing with living micro organisms, we're not in charge, they are. And if you want to make something great, you let them do the job. And if they need 6 months to make things nice and tasty, then you should put your fear and more likely your impatience aside.
You won't be dissapointed. The difference between hooch, and something really delicious, is simply time.
To carb and condition you need the yeast in the bottles to be working, and in order to do so they need to be at room temp, in order to work. So you stick them in a closet until they are ready.