Buzz kill family members??

[Daphne-weizen]

Do you ever feel awkward around family members (in laws) that "don't drink alcohol"? I was raised in a family of hardy happy beers drinkers. As a kid, during family events it was fun to see all the grown ups get drunk and act silly, but I never saw anyone get out of control. My husband is the only drinker in his family. His mom absolutely won't drink alcohol, his younger sister declares she has a disease and nine years later happily attends AA meetings because shes in recovery. His oldest sister won't drink alcohol because its fattening. Geez....talk about buzz kill!
I feel awkward when I have a beer or a glass of wine in front of them. Like I'm being judged!
Has anyone else had to deal with this?

 

[hunter_le five]

I'm not encouraging you to divorce him.... but would it be possible for you to divorce his family?

 

[Daphne-weizen]

I would never dream of divorcing my hubby, he's the best!! Luckily when we visit his family, we'll go to our fav brewpubs afterward.

 

[unionrdr]

I'm pretty much on an island. Both sets of parents are dead,siblings & friends scattered to the four winds. Wife had type 1 diabetes sneak up on her,so zip there too. No friends or neighbors that brew. sometimes I just don't feel like it anymore. I like brewing well enough,just no one to share with gets kind meh....?...

 

[Francus]

I have a similar issue. When I'm at their places I cool it and only have a beer or so. When they visit my place I drink what I want, when I want, and how much I want. If they complain I politely let them know when they pay my mortgage they can tell me what to do in my house.

 

[Braufessor]

Yeah - that is kind of a downer. My wife and I do the same when we spend time where "drinking is frowned upon." We have a bit while we are there if it is available, we don't feel guilty about it for sure, and then we take our exit and find a local bar, brewpub, etc. to relax and have fun.

Some people have good reasons for avoiding/disliking alcohol - and I respect that.
Some people have poor reasons for avoiding/disliking alcohol - and I tolerate that.
Some people are just too damn uptight about lots of things, including alcohol - and I am just thankful that is not the way I have chosen to live my life.

 

[DSorenson]

Well I feel like my mother-in-law (maybe) to be is always judging me... so I understand the idea, just on a whole other level.

 

[quincy07]

I was raised in a staunch (sp?) Mormon household. Church every sunday, scripture study and family prayer every night. My parent's don't drink and not many of my extended family does either, however, all of my siblings do. My parent's don't judge and accept us for who we are. They may not like it but I have explained to them that I don't drink beer to get drunk. Does it happen from time to time when I'm hanging out w/ friends and get a little carried away? Sure, but I don't act stupid when I have had a few too many and certainly don't drive. My mom is funny though. We had everyone over to my house for Sunday dinner a few weeks ago and when my mom saw my budding bottle collection she told me to "throw that garbage away" in a joking manner. She understands that I like beer and I like making it and that there are far worse things I could be into.

 

[theshoe82]

Wife's family is full of recovered alcoholics, so its a little awkward for me when they have a party and I come over with my portable kegerator. However, I make it a point to pickup some locally made, high-quality sodas which they seem to appreciate when I have those in tow as well.

If I have two beers in a sitting with my Italian mother present, I am called "ubriacone", which is her basically calling me a drunken bum.

 

[unionrdr]

Wife's family is full of recovered alcoholics, so its a little awkward for me when they have a party and I come over with my portable kegerator. However, I make it a point to pickup some locally made, high-quality sodas which they seem to appreciate when I have those in tow as well.

If I have two beers in a sitting with my Italian mother present, I am called "ubriacone", which is her basically calling me a drunken bum.

Kinda sounds like my grandma. She made keg charred moon,some great sour cherry wine as well. But if we were going out to the dew drop inn for some beers,we were gonna get drunk. I cut teeth on her keg charred too. But beer was frowned upon???

 

[zwiller]

I have the unusual distinction for being the reason my father in law no longer drinks...

 

[JoeBart]

My wife's family (at least her parents and grandparents) are all to some degree against drinking. Her grandmother sees it essentially as a sin, and her parents simply don't understand why people drink. There is an element of them judging people who drink, and when I first started dating my wife I was very hesitant to ever drink around them.

Fast forward 8 years later and I'm ok with them judging me. I'm not out to get plastered every time I drink so if I want a drink at dinner I'll be ordering my beverage of choice. Nothing wrong with that. If it truly offends them, I suppose they'll have to stop inviting me to dinner!

 

[whoaru99]

Do the right thing in the spirit of keeping the most peace with as much family as possible. My guess is that in most cases there's plenty of other opportunities to drink.

Bear in mind when you're at their place it's generally their rules, just as you expect it to be at your place. And, yes, sometimes they have different rules.

 

[Homercidal]

I like to believe that the bible doesn't tell us not to drink, but not to get drunk and offend others by it. So to that end I drink when my mom and sister are around, but never in excess.

I don't consider it a buzz kill at all. They are family, and I care about them, so I try not to offend them. And by acting responsibly around them perhaps I make them consider their own views in a different light.

 

[grahamfw]

It's definitely a touchy subject with a lot of people and families. I happen to work in a place that is basically like working for the Baptist church (not that there is anything wrong with that). The biggest problem I have is that I'm finding out more and more that some people brew and drink on occasion but it is extremely taboo and frowned upon to discuss those things based on the corporate culture. I'm just a contractor who might be getting paid more than he's worth, so I punch my timecard, go home and talk about whatever I want with MY friends and family.

While I think it is important to maintain who you are at all times, there are some times when you should bite your lip and just let it go. If someone tells me not to drink in my house, shame on me (why did I invite them over?). If someone tells me not to drink in their house, that's another thing entirely - and one I'm likely to avoid in the future. If someone asks me not to drink in their car, I'll kindly ask the officer why he's such a buzzkill.

We all like to surround ourselves with like-minded people, and sometimes between family and other obligatory things, that's not possible to do all of the time. Let others make their own dumb decisions and pass judgement, and then you can go back to the people who do not do those silly things and enjoy yourself a little.

 

[VladOfTrub]

Never trust a person that doesn't drink.

 

[skitter]

Opposite issue for me, I drink with the in-laws all the time, my parents however are LDS and therefore do not drink.

 

[knyland]

Grew up in utah as a token non mormon. Lol didnt really get to taste real beer till I joined the service. But my inlaws dont drink, never was an issue around them. But we havent been to thoer house since 03. They do visit from time to time and my LDS mother in law will have a taste say what she thinks and that is about it. I guess I am lucky!

 

[BuckSwope]

It's not like you're disrespecting them by having a beer. Don't worry about what they think and enjoy yourself! They're missing out on some great drinks though.


Beer Instagram: @mr****ella

 

[b-boy]

My boss is an ultra-conservative, religious non-drinker. He can be a pain about it. He makes snide remarks about drinking at company events and bullies people he thinks are drinking too much. We have a company picnic, and whenever anyone brings up the idea of beer at the picnic he threatens not to go (doesn't want to expose his family to 'that sort of behavior'), so everyone caves and we can't have beer.

I make it a rule that whenever I'm at a work dinner with him I order at least 2 beers. It's my way of 'sticking it to the man'.

 

[Malty_Dog]

I have the unusual distinction for being the reason my father in law no longer drinks...

I don't know about anyone else but this sounds like a good story...please go on

 

[Newsman]

I have the unusual distinction for being the reason my father in law no longer drinks...

THAT sounds like an interesting story... if you feel like telling it.

 

[grahamfw]

I think it's probably far more desirable than being the reason that your father in law DOES drink.

 

[peterj]

It's definitely a touchy subject with a lot of people and families. I happen to work in a place that is basically like working for the Baptist church (not that there is anything wrong with that). The biggest problem I have is that I'm finding out more and more that some people brew and drink on occasion but it is extremely taboo and frowned upon to discuss those things based on the corporate culture. I'm just a contractor who might be getting paid more than he's worth, so I punch my timecard, go home and talk about whatever I want with MY friends and family.

This just reminded of this joke:
Religion is all about who you don't recognize. Jews don't recognize Jesus as the son of God, Protestants don't recognize the Pope, and Baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor store.

 

[myelo]

Some of my family are non-drinkers and I don't mind drinking when they're around. Just like I don't mind eating a big ol steak when I'm around vegetarians.

Of course when I'm at someone's place I follow the house rules. If they don't want drinking I don't drink … and usually don't go back.

The one exception is one of my family members is is a recovering alcoholic. I don't drink around her. Ever.

 

[DrunkleJon]

-I used to rent the basement from a recovering (since they are never fully recovered) alcoholic. She was like a second mother to me and had a great attitude about it all. She even was able to be around drinkers without feeling the need to drink (or she coped with it well). She even had no problem with my brewing.
-I have met other recovering alchoholics who get a jonesin when smelling hand sanitizer.-
-I once dated a girl who stopped drinking the night we met.

Personally I will respect the non drinkers, who knows what their reasons for not drinking are. If I am visiting a non drinker and they offer me a beer, I will accept it, but usually have no more than 2. Not to mention that usually they are BMC Light products that have often been sitting around in the "for guests" fridge for a while. If out at a restaurant with a non drinker I feel no compunction to not drink, though I find myself drinking far far less or not at all when spending 1 on 1 time with nondrinkers. When there is a token non drinker, I tend to go with the group and will abstain if everyone else is.

Probably your best route would be to approach his most approachable family member and bring it up. "I know you are not really a family of drinkers, and that younger sister has had trouble with alcohol in the past, so does it make you all uncomfortable when we drink around you all?" You never know, you may be making it far worse in your head and be greatly relieved to hear a dont worry about it or something similar. If they say it makes them uncomfortable, then is it really that hard to spend time with them completely sober?

 

[whoaru99]

Some of my family are non-drinkers and I don't mind drinking when they're around. Just like I don't mind eating a big ol steak when I'm around vegetarians.

Of course when I'm at someone's place I follow the house rules. If they don't want drinking I don't drink … and usually don't go back.

The one exception is one of my family members is is a recovering alcoholic. I don't drink around her. Ever.

If they don't care, that's one thing. But, if they're giving you the stink eye, it might be a clue to rethink the situation.