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A lot of people don't seal up their fermenters. You'll be totally fine.

And you're still friends with him? :D jk jk I was there one day...someone asked me what my favorite "real" beer was about 7 years ago. I told them Budweiser...and I thought it was "real" because it wasn't light. I have long since converted...especially after moving to NC...great craft brew...

Yeah...my DVR was set to record every episode of Brewmasters... Final tally? 5...

I don't use this type of chiller, but I think I've read that hops can clog them.

Yeah...sanitation. The only way I would add ice is if I had sanitized some ice cube trays that have covers (and sanitize those, too), boil some water, pour it into the trays once cooled some, cover it, and put it in the freezer. But then it would probably take a lot of ice trays to make enough...

I (and a lot of others) put mine in a cooler of water and rotate out frozen two liter bottles of water to bring the temp down. I've found my beers to taste better once I started controlling temperature. Not that they tasted bad before...they just taste better now.

My daughter is homemade...

If you're really just looking to get drunk, I guess it's cheap, fast, and effective!

No harm in bottling...save for time and effort. Give it a taste first and go from there.

Yeah...we have a really nice NG stove, with two "power burners" in the front that put out some pretty serious flames (at least for a stovetop). Still...getting 5 gallons to boil on that thing is a long process at best, and the weight of it slightly bent my cast iron grates. SWMBO was not...

Even if liquid couldn't escape though, gas might still be able to. Seems an unlikely (but possible, granted) culprit if they seem to be on tight.

Fishing, watching sports, video games (A little Nazi Zombie killing, anyone?)

Indeed sounds like a yeast problem because everything else sounds fine. Did you boil the water the sugar was in? That would help it go into solution and mix better.

Awesome! Wish my mom brewed beer!

You'll probably need to buy a cleaner and a sanitizer separately if you don't already have them

I've got the same setup...30 qt aluminum turkey fryer pot...works perfect for me. I've put up to 7 gallons in it for the boil, leaving only .5 gallon headspace, and didn't boil over. Granted I watched it very very carefully and turned the burner down a couple of times!

Yeah...doesn't sound like there's much else you can do other than let it sit for a while and then keg it. If it were me, given the fact that it got swirled up again, I'd probably let it sit for 2 weeks in secondary...

Definitely no krausen anymore. I've hit my FG...this is day 21. Tossed those guys in there about an hour ago. The leafs just floated on top in a pile, so I sanitized a spoon and gently pushed them down through the top surface a bit.

Sweet...figured I have nothing to worry about...but it's always nice to hear that confirmed by others!

Wow...this is perfect. Nicely done on the tool Beer Review Dude!