Little $#!+ mice, need peace of mind

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“Honey, after all the research I’ve done about ridding gardens of squirrels, seems like the only ethical, environmental, humane way is to purchase a fancy pellet rifle.”

I would totally go out and buy a fancy Gamo w scope.
I used to go outside and stalk them, but then I realized there was a better way. I open the bedroom door or the front door and blast them with a Sweet Sixteen. For some reason, they don't seem to see it coming. Also, I never brake for them. Steady application of the gas and no swerving.

The law here permits me to shoot them out of season if they're harming my property. That's nice, because traps don't work. I tried trapping, and I caught exactly one squirrel, plus a very angry coon, which I sent to coon heaven with a pistol.

Sometimes I can look out the window and see 6 squirrels. They're horrible.
 
I used to go outside and stalk them, but then I realized there was a better way. I open the bedroom door or the front door and blast them with a Sweet Sixteen. For some reason, they don't seem to see it coming. Also, I never brake for them. Steady application of the gas and no swerving.

The law here permits me to shoot them out of season if they're harming my property. That's nice, because traps don't work. I tried trapping, and I caught exactly one squirrel, plus a very angry coon, which I sent to coon heaven with a pistol.

Sometimes I can look out the window and see 6 squirrels. They're horrible.
I live in a city so my neighbors would frown upon gunshots. Even though I have a nice selection of 22lr and 12 gauge tools.
I have great neighbors so I don’t want to be “that guy”.
I’m the past I’ve opened up the kitchen sliding doors and shoot my Daisy BB gun. I usually only pump it once or twice.

In reality, there are much bigger and better gardens around here. So it hasn’t been an issue for a few years.

My brother has a pretty big garden and there has been years when all of his veggies have at least one giant bite out of each. For marital reasons he was relegated to using an air soft gun. Which is slightly more effective than spitting on them.
 
I've seen a really interesting trap design that involves squirrels sliding down a pipe into a bucket of water, but it's kind of cruel, so I can't make myself build one. There is a neat CO2-powered gadget that crushes their heads. It's called the A18. Very tempting. It will supposedly mash 18 squirrel heads on one cartridge.

As for air guns, I shot a squirrel from about 2" away in my living room fireplace. I used a .22-caliber air rifle which supposedly goes 900 fps. I thought the squirrel would die instantly and I could throw it out the back door. Unbelievably, I only wounded it, and it ran into my bedroom and out the sliding glass doors. I didn't want to use a rifle in my chimney, and I figured 900 fps would get it done. I was very disappointed. I do not like squirrels, but I don't want them to die slow, painful deaths.

I had a squirrel eating my expensive aluminum gate, and I put a block of Tomcat neurotoxic poison where he would see it. The block disappeared, and the chewing stopped. I assume the squirrel took it to his nest or whatever and poisoned his whole family.
 
I put a camera out to see what was eating my baby hop leaves in the greenhouse. Mice. Could get a cat-But then how do you get rid of the cats. Pardon while i sneeze just from typing c-a-tchoo.
 
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