Best Brewery Tour/Brewery jokes

[Brewmance]

Greeting HBT!

I have a part time dream job at a brewery.

I work as a tour guide, when I'm not giving tours I'm tending bar.

Sometime's the energy is great, the people are great and participate but sometimes the crowd is just ....Blah....no facial expressions, no laughter. Those are the worst and it's hard to get that energy turned around.

Thinking back to maybe your favorite tour; what made it your favorite?

Can you remember any good brewery jokes? or things the tour guide did that were funny?

So Basically I am looking for new material or feedback on how to improve my tour. To put this in scope, the tours usually run about 25 minutes or so. Starting with the history of the brewery then the brewing/fermentation/kegging bottling etc.

Thank you HBT!

 

[treacheroustexan]

Just feed them lots and lots of samples. That's my favorite part.

 

[Calichusetts]

Fermentation tanks: Just like you in a few hours, our yeasts are currently pissing out alcohol in this very container.

 

[Brewmance]

Yes agreed. I always give a sample off a bright tank, If its a very small group i'll give more than one.

and hahahahaha thats exactly the kind of stuff im looking for!:rockin:

 

[JoshuaW]

Yes agreed. I always give a sample off a bright tank, If its a very small group i'll give more than one.

and hahahahaha thats exactly the kind of stuff im looking for!:rockin:

Im cringing. At what point do you do your tax calculations? If you havent done your tax determination, that is a huge no-no!

 

[JonM]

At the keg filling station: "For some reason, college kids think the word 'bunghole' is funny. Anyway, to fill a keg, we take the probe and insert it into the bunghole like so!" And more double entendres followed.

 

[TallDan]

Best tour I've been on was Lakefront in Milwaukee. Price of tour includes two tokens for beers and everyone is encouraged to get a beer from the bar before starting the tour. Tour guides are all very high energy and entertaining. The tour script is very crowd-interactive (asking questions, giving out drink tokens for the first correct answer). There's a stop with an opportunity to use your second beer token at a second bar that's inside the brewery near the halfway mark of the tour.

 

[JonM]

And at Lakefront, the mid-tour fill-up spot is the Bernie Brewer Chalet that was rescued when they tore County Stadium down. (When there was a home run, Bernie would slide down a slide into the giant beer mug which is also now at Lakefront, with Lakefront's logo on it.) View attachment ImageUploadedByHome Brew1459187579.916279.jpg

 

[NothingRhymesWithCurtiss]

I can't remember which brewery it was at, but while on a tour we got told "Fun fact: Since we pride ourselves on being as green as possible and reusing whatever we can, we collect the contents or our urinals and send it to Budweiser."

 

[JonM]

I toured the Miller brewery before I was 21. At the tasting room, the guide said "You can try a special dark brew. We call it Coca-Cola."

 

[Brewmance]

These are great please keep them coming!

I am already picturing where I will use these.

Also, if you have any technique recommendations let me know. I'm charismatic, but naturally dry and sarcastic. Maybe I need to force (or fake) more energy

 

[Auger]

I can't remember which brewery it was at, but while on a tour we got told "Fun fact: Since we pride ourselves on being as green as possible and reusing whatever we can, we collect the contents or our urinals and send it to Budweiser."

Hah, I think I've heard that one at a few breweries.

One guide talking about the bottling line: "As a quality control mechanism, any bottles that are underfilled are removed and disposed of responsibly...around lunchtime."

 

[TallDan]

Also, if you have any technique recommendations let me know. I'm charismatic, but naturally dry and sarcastic. Maybe I need to force (or fake) more energy

Chug some red bull or snort something before you start. It's a pretty common practice in the hospitality/entertainment industry.

 

[Brewmance]

HA! good call.

Any ideas around how to position the Yeast having the best life ever yada yada yada because they reproduce all day.....

 

[Firewalker11]

Im cringing. At what point do you do your tax calculations? If you havent done your tax determination, that is a huge no-no!

Same as a barrel tasting in a winery. We simply estimate the tasting and people doing the tasting. TTB is happy that we keep any record at all of the tastings.

 

[JonM]

Another Lakefront thing - people can put gloves on the bottles on the bottling line like Laverne and Shirley and get a picture. You know, because Milwaukee.

 

[Firewalker11]

Greeting HBT!

I have a part time dream job at a brewery.

I work as a tour guide, when I'm not giving tours I'm tending bar.

Sometime's the energy is great, the people are great and participate but sometimes the crowd is just ....Blah....no facial expressions, no laughter. Those are the worst and it's hard to get that energy turned around.

Thinking back to maybe your favorite tour; what made it your favorite?

Can you remember any good brewery jokes? or things the tour guide did that were funny?

So Basically I am looking for new material or feedback on how to improve my tour. To put this in scope, the tours usually run about 25 minutes or so. Starting with the history of the brewery then the brewing/fermentation/kegging bottling etc.

Thank you HBT!

I think the best tours we ever have had included something memorable, one had the last person in the cooler close the door and the guide pulled a communal cup of wine from a barrel and handed it around, exclaiming that the boss didn't know he was doing this and it is a private stock!

It was just a simple blending wine in a 10,000 gallon tank but the group enjoyed the 'mystery' of the offering.

Another was the kissing of the 'blarney tank' where the guide had the pretty girl in the crowd bend over backwards to kiss the bottom of the stainless fermenter.

Make something up, have fun with it and give something away if you can!

 

[cegan09]

Best tour I've gone on so far was at Henniker. He was upbeat and charismatic. He took a good crack at the major breweries for their "seasonal creep" (looking at you sam adams). He gave some really good comments on different mash ingredients, even explaining the differences between what they do and what some huge places like Bud do when they use rice. Best joke was probably after someone called some other beer hard to drink. "I don't understand that. All beer is easy to drink, open your mouth, pour, swallow."

 

[Brewmance]

Thanks for all your feedback HBT. Some great material to work with. I like the idea of Getting a pretty girl to kiss the blarney tank.

HBT you must have more though right!? :rockin:

 

[ImNoExpert]

I like the ones where you already have a pint in hand when you start. Whether it be a free sample or a simple encouragement to make sure everyone has a beer before you get started, I would think that can help lubricate the tour.

You should a pint in your hand too. Even if it's half full and you don't drink it, I think it would put people at ease.

 

[dammBrewer]

I have toured Lakefront Brewery in Milwaukee several times. Great tour each and every time. I have been fortunate to get a different tour guide on each one also.

My favorite was a tour with a guide, I believe his name was John, big burly fellow with a beard and suspenders. Great visual appeal by the way. Anyway, he made reference to the "big brewery down the road" (Miller) and how they have a this great presentation. They should you videos and animations and all kinds of "fancy" things. This was when he held up a picture of barley growing in a field, it was probably about 3ft by 5ft in size. He said, around here, we don't have any fancy animated videos, but, if you look hard enough at this, you can see the barley wave in the wind. To which he proceeded to move his arms and hands in such a manner that lent to the picture "waving" back and forth. We all had a great laugh and moved on. It certainly lightened the mood of the tour.

On another related Lakefront tour, as mentioned earlier in this topic, they have the old County Stadium Chalet from Bernie Brewer. One guide referenced how great it was when they bought it. They used to slide down it during lunches and sometimes let the tour guests slide down as well. It was all fun and games until someone went "missing" and OSHA had to come in and say they couldn't use it anymore for that. SO...now it just looks cool; please don't touch the chalet he muttered.

+1 too for any tour that starts with and encourages "beer in hand" portability; and refillability for that matter!

 

[Brewmance]

I like the ones where you already have a pint in hand when you start. Whether it be a free sample or a simple encouragement to make sure everyone has a beer before you get started, I would think that can help lubricate the tour.

You should a pint in your hand too. Even if it's half full and you don't drink it, I think it would put people at ease.

I've thought about topping everyone off pre tour. Maybe i'll even bring a pitcher.

And very true. This past Saturday i did my first tour at 1pm, the previous night i got hammered and was drinking water. the energy was definitely different.

 

[Ryfi]

If you don't already do it...start out with passing around samples of the raw materials. Have some samples ready of a base grain, a crystal grain, a dark grain and encourage people to eat them. Have a few different hop verities (ones that are as different as possible) have the guests rub them in their hands to release the aromas.

 

[PGEduardo]

The classic joke told at every Sam Adam's tour is about how hops are related to weed, but that you shouldn't try to smoke them. "You just end up with a big headache... or so I've heard."

 

[m00ps]

im the guy on every tour that asks some ridiculous question that the tour guide cant answer. Guess I need to take a moment and consider how much of the whole brewing process he/she is involved in. The best tours Ive had have been sans corny awful jokes and impromptu after talking shop with one of the brewers. I feel I can ask so much more interesting stuff one on one

so... I guess my recommendation would be to study up and know your stuff. what brands of grain you use, where you get your hops and what type, Yeast strains, fermentation profile, hops, water treatment, etc. Just in case an enthusiastic a$$hole like me is on your next tour

 

[JonM]

Be prepared to graciously and without condescension answer really dumb questions, too.

 

[kombat]

Not really a joke, just a suggestion, but please: If you have samples of the raw materials for guests to inspect, make sure they're fresh. I've been on several brewery tours, and without exception, the examples of hops they pass around (think a little jar, the size baby food comes in) have been sitting out for at least weeks (quite possibly months/years) and are completely oxidized and stale. I've yet to smell one that had any hop aroma intact at all. It's only an ounce or two of hops, replace it every couple of days so people can actually experience what hops contribute.

 

[Brewmance]

im the guy on every tour that asks some ridiculous question that the tour guide cant answer. Guess I need to take a moment and consider how much of the whole brewing process he/she is involved in. The best tours Ive had have been sans corny awful jokes and impromptu after talking shop with one of the brewers. I feel I can ask so much more interesting stuff one on one

so... I guess my recommendation would be to study up and know your stuff. what brands of grain you use, where you get your hops and what type, Yeast strains, fermentation profile, hops, water treatment, etc. Just in case an enthusiastic a$$hole like me is on your next tour

Good Call.

I've been brewing for a few years so I have a fair base foundation for most of the questions. But you are absolutely correct, in the scheme of commercial brewing there is a TON to know. I've been touring there for about three months now so have learned a lot, but also been asked ridiculous questions, for instance "what is the corkscrew in the auger that moves the grain made out of?"

I get many enthusiasts and home brewers and sometimes I'll pick them out and disarm them early on. (Not implying that you are), but some people are obnoxious and waste other peoples time. If i sense someone is a brewer I'll ask "any homebrewer's here?"" well dont call me out on the stuff i'm making up (people chuckle)" or, "Well, I was going to talk about making meth red phosphorus, sudafed..." Most Homebrewer's are awesome and I'll even let them answer questions if they want to.

You really need to play to the crowd, if there are alot of brewer's it will be a much more technical tour, but people who bought the groupon looking to get loaded don't really care.

If I have a know-it-all that keeps interrupting I'll invite them to the front. "well get up here and educate these people!"

Real A$$holes who do things like distract other people bragging about their brewing knowledge, whispering pointing out things in the brewery and having side conversations etc, just being rude can get hit with a " Maybe you can give these people a tour of the brewery you made in your mom's basement. Should only take about 3 minutes, which is longer your friends can stand hearing you talk about it." Again, that's if they are annoying other tour goer's. People that are enhancing the tour or asking good questions can do so all they want. It actually makes my job easier.

 

[Pantherjon]

Only 'tour' I have been on was an impromptu one with the head brewer when I stopped by Absolution Brewing when in Los Angeles..Heard the 'empty the urinals and send to the Bud plant in Van Nuys' there..Got a good chuckle from all that heard him say it..LOL..

Maybe if timing is right the tourists can get involved, maybe tossing in a measure of hops, stir the mash, push a button to start the transfer from one container to another..Something that afterwards they can brag and say they played a part: "I helped make that beer!"..

 

[Brewmance]

My brewery has a couple acres of hop farm. But you would be surprised by how few breweries who use intact fresh hops. Especially for anything outside of dry hopping.

Hop Pellets make way more sense based on availability and for consistency.

There are very hard to get hop pellets right now, Breweries will buy them up and even sell them to competitors for a profit.

I've brought fresh hops in before, but they were the ones i grew in my backyard!

I like the idea of handouts. Maybe i can pass around some pellets?

 

[Brewmance]

Only 'tour' I have been on was an impromptu one with the head brewer when I stopped by Absolution Brewing when in Los Angeles..Heard the 'empty the urinals and send to the Bud plant in Van Nuys' there..Got a good chuckle from all that heard him say it..LOL..

Maybe if timing is right the tourists can get involved, maybe tossing in a measure of hops, stir the mash, push a button to start the transfer from one container to another..Something that afterwards they can brag and say they played a part: "I helped make that beer!"..

awesome idea, When I tour during a brew I will definitely do that. I usually let them pour their own beer off a bright tank. IE, put their cup under the pigtail I'm turning on and off.

 

[Peyope]

Another Lakefront one I heard almost 10 years ago (before I brewed). The tour guide must have been talking about transferring the beer after the boil or after lautering. Anyways, the guide said something like "When we brew on 3rd shift, [brew assistant X] is responsible for transferring the wort at 2am. He loves his job and loves his beer and sometimes he ventures downtown before coming in to transfer the wort at bar close. That's usually not an issue, but on the rare occasion at bar close he gets lucky and takes a pretty girl home. Even then, he's usually only 15 minutes late."

 

[Brewmance]

I'm working on a tour joke, something about wanting to be a yeast because they have the best life in the world, eating sugar and reproducing all day. Anyone have any idea's how I should position this?

 

[JoshuaW]

I'm working on a tour joke, something about wanting to be a yeast because they have the best life in the world, eating sugar and reproducing all day. Anyone have any idea's how I should position this?

"Yeast are really the rock stars of beer. You know what their job is? They get to swim around eating sugar all day and reproducing to until their heart's content. "

 

[TallDan]

"Yeast are really the rock stars of beer. You know what their job is? They get to swim around eating sugar all day and reproducing to until their heart's content. "

Optionally (maybe depending on your audience or seasonally) sub in "spring breakers" for "rock stars".

 

[MuddyCreek]

They get to swim around eating sugar all day and reproducing to until their heart's content. "

Yeast = Elvis.

Sequined Jumpsuit Mandatory!

 

[nDub]

I don't know how this would work but it'd be funny.

Stand in the crowd with everyone at the starting spot (don't wear any thing identifying) and wait until the tour is supposed to start then start complaining really loudly that the tour guy is late.

Then just jump in the front and say "if this guy isn't showing I'm going to lead this tour"

Then kinda sketchy start giving a tour using all the correct info but making it look like your either unsure or making it up.

Be even better if you can have some else who works with you come in halfway through the tour looking pissed and ask why everyone is back there.