The things kids say

My son (age 3.5) is fire today.

First, he uses his magic wand to "turn daddy's beer into a flowers!" Yes, this saison does have a floral nose.

Later, he has his water bottle and is dancing around.
Boy: I like beer.
Mommy: What kind of beer? IPA? Saison?
Boy: ... Water beer!
Me: Oh, so you like Miller Lite?

When I was about around 2, I saw a african american man with one leg in a grocery store, and ask him "Hey mister where is your other leg?" My dad says he would have ran out of the aisle except he was paralyzed from embarrassment. This was in the late 70's so dad assumed the man had lost it in Vietnam. The man turned and looked at me and said "well son my other leg went to heaven". I said "oh, ok" and on down the aisle I went.

When my niece was about 4, we visited the nextdoor neighbors one day. She & the neighbor kid were playing in the living room when they had a disagreement about something. So the neighbor kid stomped off to his bedroom & closed the door, apparently to get away from my niece. She tried to continue playing in the living room by herself for a while, but it just wasn't as much fun as it was with a playmate. So she marches up to the bedroom door & yells at the kid "You better not be playing with yourself in there!" Obviously she had no idea how that sounded, she was only 4 after all; but me & my buddy (the other kids dad) just about spit our beer out laughing over that.
Regards, GF.

When she was 5 my daughter told me " barbie is better than bratz because she has bigger boobs".

Years ago when my son was about 4 our daycare lady managed to video him and his playmate having a conversation about willpower.

My son: "If they won't let you do the thing or have a thing just cry"
Girl: "Ohh no, that just makes them mad and they still say no"
My son: "Ohh well, my parents are easy. If they say no I just cry harder."

We still have that video. I'm sure my grandson/grandaughter will enjoy seeing this one day.

My wife sent me an email today:

Son: "Hmmm what does Daddy like... hmm... He likes Beer! We should make him a beer cake! With a blue glass of beer on it. It should say "Daddy likes to make beer with his friends"

Click to expand...

Yes. Make me a cake. And I can drink a beer while I eat it.

My niece (3yo) will ask you a typical little kid question, and listen for a lititle while. When shes heard enough, she'll hold up her hand in a 'I've got to stop you there' motion and say "okay! great!" and go back to what she was doing. Cracks me up.

A friends kid says to me last weekend. "my daddy has a new favorite drink."

"Oh yeah? What's that?", I say.

"Metamucil"

My daughter was helping me clean the mini van years ago. She was "helping" by picking up toys from the interior. Suddenly she screamed "Daddy!!! I've found Jesus!!!". My heart jumped out of my chest. Now as an atheist.....this made me run to the side of the van she was at. To find her holding some action figure or something. It wasn't Jesus. You can imagine me and my wife's relief. Did provide some laughs though.... Some will find this funny, some not. That's OK, but children say and do some of the most horrifying things, all in the name of innocence.

My two year old doesn't say a whole lot that's understandable but thank you from her is do dank. but the best one was when my six year old was four and was asked at the grocery store what her grandpa had been up to lately. She happily smiled and said nothing he's retarded. "Retired"

we still laugh about that one.

My wife's family will occasionally throw around that old groaner "Does your face hurt?" "No" "well, it's killing me!"

3-year-old niece, out of the blue and apropos of nothing, while we were riding in the car leans over to SWMBO and says "Auntie SWMBO - does your face hurt?" And followed through with the punch line. That kid's going places.

I was spending some time with my boys a while ago, and I was showing them how to flex their biceps. Having fun. After showing them, I demonstrated flexing my bicep and said, "Look at these puppies!" To which my oldest replied, "Hey! There's no puppies in there!" Still have a good laugh at that one, haha.

I'm sure my grandson/grandaughter will enjoy seeing this one day.