opinion needed...university choices for evil stepchild

Fellow brewers,

I am (temporarily) handing over the controls for this posting to the Evil StepChild, who is 16.5 years of age and is in need of objective opinions on a difficult decision. I told her that this is truly a group that doesn't hold back any punches.

and now, I introduce the Evil One:

Basically, here is the situation: my stepmother, a professor, gets a discount to several universities in Tennessee. This is excellent because I am rapidly approaching college age and also in desperate need of a way to pay for college without collecting too much debt. The college I have picked out has an excellent program in Journalism and Electronic Media, which is the area I want to study. Good school, good program, pretty huge discount. What could go wrong?

My mother, that's what.

Because I live in Texas most of the time with my mother, my mom wants me to remain in Texas. To go to a college in Texas would mean for me to go to a school with a subpar journalism program and/or collect large amounts of debt. Let me point out that it's not my mother who will be paying for my college education; it'll be me. The loans I take out to pay for education won't be in my mother's name; they'll be in mine. Most importantly, though, the education I receive won't be supporting my mother for the rest of her life; it will be supporting me for the rest of mine.

Right now, I have to make a choice: (a) be close to mommy and collect lots of debt, or (b) Move far away from my mother, live close to my dad and stepmother, get an excellent education, and perhaps even escape from college debt free.

For me, the choice is obvious, but it might not seem so black and white to you. What do you think? Who's right? My mother or me?

I don't even see two choices there. Go to a good school, get less debt and live a better life. It is selfish of her to ask you to sacrifice what could be a [more] successful career and life because she wants to be close to you.

OK...I'll play: college is about you, not your mother. Do what's right for you, your life, and your career. Buy a fuel efficient car and visit your mom every chance you get if you decide college in TN is really your best option.

It's your life, you run it.

Chances are, you are not going to be located in TX upon graduation, and job locations, anyway. And expect to move a few times, like in 'Marley and Me'.

I know I don't see my son much now, and he's at UofM, less than 80 miles away. When he's done and working, I don't expect to see him much at all-he will be busy in his new career, starting a home and family, and very likely living out of state; sorta like that Cat Steven's song.

Did I mention it's your life?

This is a non issue. You shouldn't even be posting. Go to the school you want, where you want. Period. Done. Fìn. If your Mom has a problem with it, tell her you want cash, upfront to go to school in Texas - all expenses paid. This is YOUR life, and YOU have to live with the choices.

Plus... the last thing I would want to see is another Longhorns fan. Ugh.

macabra11 said:

Plus... the last thing I would want to see is another Longhorns fan. Ugh.

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OP did say he (she?) wanted a *good* school.

Life is full of this kind of fun. You will be starting your adult life start it by making your first decision, sticking to it, and explain to her why you have made the decision.

MMW said:

OK...I'll play: college is about you, not your mother. Do what's right for you, your life, and your career. Buy a fuel efficient car and visit your mom every chance you get if you decide college in TN is really your best option.

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Henry Hill said:

It's your life, you run it.

Chances are, you are not going to be located in TX upon graduation, and job locations, anyway. And expect to move a few times, like in 'Marley and Me'.

I know I don't see my son much now, and he's at UofM, less than 80 miles away. When he's done and working, I don't expect to see him much at all-he will be busy in his new career, starting a home and family, and very likely living out of state; sorta like that Cat Steven's song.

Did I mention it's your life?

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macabra11 said:

This is a non issue. You shouldn't even be posting. Go to the school you want, where you want. Period. Done. Fìn. If your Mom has a problem with it, tell her you want cash, upfront to go to school in Texas - all expenses paid. This is YOUR life, and YOU have to live with the choices.

Plus... the last thing I would want to see is another Longhorns fan. Ugh.

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If you think too long, you are wrong!!!

I understand that your Mom may have a large influence in your life but College is about you and what you need to succeed in life, so you may be stuck away from some of your loved ones for 6-9 months a year, look at that as a needed break away from family to develop you.

And a college away from family helps you truly enjoy the "evil" part of your moniker.

but all jokes aside, paying for college is akin to armed robbery.
for a top tier school you are looking at 10's of thousands of dollars a year if you can find a way to get an HONEST break from that fleecing, run and embrace it !!
No matter who it upsets or offends !!!

-Jason








P.S
The only other way to get a break is to join the Military !
But that is another thread at another time ........................

Based on the way you wrote the post, you already have your decision. IMHO it is the correct one. I don't know your family dynamic, but is your moms opinion based on feelings around your dad and step mom?

She is being very selfish to ask you to take on the debt of a college education and go to an inferior school just to be closer.

I would go with the school that you currently have picked out, mostly because you're convinced that you will get a better education from it. As far as debt goes, how much would you be saving per year using your stepmom's discount? Since you're live in Texas most of the year, you should still be considered 'in-state' as far as tuition goes.

the posts here pretty much all come from adults that know what it's like to have lived life. You are young and possibly unsure the decision you have already made is the correct one. Nobody can answer that except for you.

I can tell you one thing, being out of college debt free is HUGE! My wife and I were both lucky enough to have escaped getting into debt in both college and subsequently grad school. I applaud your concern for acquiring debt and encourage you to keep finances in your life plan.

That aside, going to a better school can only mean opening up more possibilities for networking and a greater possibility for a future that you will find desirable.

Cheers.

lol a paying job in journalism!
good luck with that
radio and newspapers are shutting down all over the place
ad revinew is way way down.
its got so bad that there is talk of it for the next bailout.
Life after journalism. Newspaper stars cope with sudden unemployment. | Hard Won Wisdom From Bestselling Author Fawn Germer

i am sure you are a brite girl , why not try something in math and science
here are some much better paying jobs that are in high demand
and fun,
Chemists
Chemical engineers
Petroleum engineer
Electrical engineers
Mechanical engineers
Civil engineers
Logistics Specialty Engineer
Procurement and schedulers


A friend of mine when we where in school, she did engineering and i did computers
she got a job at nasa makeing bank right out of school, now she works for conoco phillips
she owns a house in houson near her mom but works all over asia, and loves it, that and women in the neardy fields are treated very well.

most all thoes fileds will let you travel the world or stay in one spot if you wish. all the wile actively being apart of man meeting the chalenges of the day and creating solutions, i know it sounds hokie but there is something really cool about makeing the world a better place with human insperation.

As many have said, coming out of college with no debt is huge.

Definitely, Tennessee. I would recommend verifying you'll be able to get the discount. Universities can be sticky about residency. Route all correspondence through your dad's address and get a Tennessee driver's license as soon as possible.

Tell your mom that you'll be 'home' for the summer, if she can find you a summer job.

Brewin_Bob said:

I would go with the school that you currently have picked out, mostly because you're convinced that you will get a better education from it. As far as debt goes, how much would you be saving per year using your stepmom's discount? Since you're live in Texas most of the year, you should still be considered 'in-state' as far as tuition goes.

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Since my stepmom and dad live here, I'll be considered "in-state". I've already checked out the discount and it applies...1/2 off of tuition and fees, which adds up to about $3,000 per semester.

Clayton said:

lol a paying job in journalism!
good luck with that
radio and newspapers are shutting down all over the place
ad revinew is way way down.
its got so bad that there is talk of it for the next bailout.
Life after journalism. Newspaper stars cope with sudden unemployment. | Hard Won Wisdom From Bestselling Author Fawn Germer

i am sure you are a brite girl , why not try something in math and science
here are some much better paying jobs that are in high demand
and fun,
Chemists
Chemical engineers
Petroleum engineer
Electrical engineers
Mechanical engineers
Civil engineers
Logistics Specialty Engineer
Procurement and schedulers


A friend of mine when we where in school, she did engineering and i did computers
she got a job at nasa makeing bank right out of school, now she works for conoco phillips
she owns a house in houson near her mom but works all over asia, and loves it, that and women in the neardy fields are treated very well.

most all thoes fileds will let you trave the world or stay in one stop if you wish. all the wile actively being apart of man meeting the chalenges of the day and creating solutions, i know it sounds hokie but there is something really cool about makeing the world a better place with human insperation.

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A paying job in journalism might be hard to come by, but you must have missed the "and electronic media" part. Electronic media is everywhere. In fact, we are using electronic media right now. Someone designed this webpage! As for the math and science, those are not my strenghts at all. I think I'll have better luck doing something I'm actually good at.

all the people from the "old world" will have retrained and be out there with exspearance before you even get in to collage
all the curent journalist arnt dumb they can go back to school too and they have a head start, read that link

Definitely check with the college about their "in-state" rules. I was considering going to school in TN (from GA) and they wanted me to confirm that I had lived in TN for 1 year before I would be eligible for the "in-state" price... Things may have changed though, I would definitely check though.

Clayton said:

lol a paying job in journalism!
good luck with that

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+1

My I offer up a 3rd option and go somewhere away from everyone? Going away to college and hot having someone close will teach you more than classes IMO. One of the best things I ever did!

Bedlam said:

In fact, we are using electronic media right now. Someone designed this webpage! As for the math and science, those are not my strenghts at all. I think I'll have better luck doing something I'm actually good at.

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yeah some one did design this page and they did it with math and computer science!
"something you are good at", so you say you are good at journalism.
well journalism is just asking questions and then finding the truth or answers,
man that sounds alot like math, science, and engineering.

i think may point out to you too, you sited this site as a new media
and it is, just like blogs , but the thing about it and all the news polictical and pop -gosip blogs , is this its all Self Published
there are thousands of reporting blogs out there with millons of readers made by non trainned journalists for free thats why there are no journalism jobs and thousands out of work, in the new wold of electronic media , anyone can be a journalist and publisher, thay just cant get paid to do it

Bedlam home brews. You save $465,987 x 4 years = $1,863,948 in beer costs. Decision made.

Seriously, money for college is a huge deal. Take the money.

Go to the school that leaves you in the least amount of debt for the best education. If she thinks you are to far away, she can move.

Yeah, the best choice is the cheapest? Do that. I went to my local university because a) It's a good school, b) it was free and c) Syracuse was $27k a year THEN. I went to Syracuse later for Grad School, which was really only possible because I didn't pay over $100k the first time.

Life is meant to include a wide variety of experiences. Tennessee should be quite different from Texas, and that's part of what makes it fun. Coming out of college with little or no debt is huge, and gives you so many more choices, because you're not burdened with taking a job you hate to pay for a four year time span.



p.s. The Newhouse School at Syracuse is also good for communication, their Master's program is highly rated and very competitive. Start planning long term!

david_42 said:

Definitely, Tennessee. I would recommend verifying you'll be able to get the discount. Universities can be sticky about residency. Route all correspondence through your dad's address and get a Tennessee driver's license as soon as possible.

Tell your mom that you'll be 'home' for the summer, if she can find you a summer job.

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Employed family is different than residency discounts. Doesn't hurt to verify, but particularly if it works at several schools, it's a regional thing. It's pretty common for the liberal arts colleges in New England to do that.

As someone who works in finance and deals with issues like this on a regular basis, I have to just reiterate what most of the others have said here. College is about you and your future. Yes, family is a powerful influence and can be important, but in the end you need to do what's best for you. You're an adult now.

I've seen too many young people enter the real world at a significant disadvantage because their parents forced or encouraged them to go to a school they weren't happy with or had to take on substantial debt to get through school. If you know you can get a better education for less even though it might not please your mother, I think that's a risk you're better off taking if you're really thinking about your future and your career.

We call our local university (UNM) University Near Mommy for a reason.

Get out and live for a while. If you don't like it you can always go back to mommy. At least you'll have developed as your own person doing things for yourself for a bit...

Nothing wrong with your major; the key is just to be realistic about it. If you can make it happen and go, and you're realistic about it providing you a living for your life, then hit that school and do it!

Do what you feel is right (notice that I said feels right, not what you want; you really need to be objective about your decision here), otherwise consign yourself to a life of whatever chances come along within that narrow range of letting others live your life for you. Best of luck to you if you choose that route

I will echo most peoples sentiment with one caveat. Your mom is and always will be your mom. Handle it nicely. She will ultimately accept your decision, which it seems you have already made. However, how you handle the telling her and making it real to her will last forever. Remember she is "losing" her daughter. While losing is a poor description of what is going to happen, to many people this is indeed the situation we are describing.

You are young yet and can't really see the forest for the trees, sorry that's cliche'. But true. You need to understand where she is coming from as well as what is best for you. In the end the decision seems like a non issue to me.

You are clearly bright enough to see which choice is best. Now realize that your mom may not see it the same way. As stupid, or selfish, as that may seem to you now perhaps some day you will know why she felt that way.

I could be way off here and she is being this way due to complexities in your parents relationship. If that's the case, still be gentle but do what is best for you. Damn the torpedo's, full speed ahead!

And for goodness sake stay away from journalism!

macabra11 said:

This is a non issue. You shouldn't even be posting. Go to the school you want, where you want. Period. Done. Fìn. If your Mom has a problem with it, tell her you want cash, upfront to go to school in Texas - all expenses paid. This is YOUR life, and YOU have to live with the choices.

Plus... the last thing I would want to see is another Longhorns fan. Ugh.

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I would present this as well, and when the answer is no, off to Tennessee.
Very simple decision.

Well, my wife (Stepmother) and I are both lifetime residents of Texas and when my sons came here to go to school, we checked with the admissions office. They said since we were property owners, we were good to go. Once they got here to register, they weren't considered residents because I had not claimed them on my income tax as dependents. Soo, I paid out of state tuition for a year until I could claim them. It cost me about an extra 28K at a COMMUNITY college. All this to say, get it in writing.
P.S., Ultimately, you want to get the most bang for your buck when you get out. Make sure you research the avg. earnings of the varous disciplines upon graduation. Finally, having been separated from my sons through divorce, I say go live with your Dad for a while. If he's a decent guy, he's earned it! Good Luck - Dwain

I agree with everybody in saying that it's your education, and your life, so go to the school that you think is best. But there is one thing that you need to consider too. What is your relationship like with your father and step-mother? How long has it been since you lived with your father? Have you ever lived under the same roof as your step-mother? The point I'm bringing up is the fact that when you get to Tennessee, your father and step-mother will expect you to live by their rules, which may be different than the rules of your mother and step-father. (Should I say "evil-step-father" since he calls you the evil-step-child?) I know, you'll be almost an adult when you do move, but lets be realistic, they are your parents. I know from experience that moving from one parent to another can be a tough transition, but it can work out if you remember that your father - and hopefully your step-mother - loves you, and they are only setting the rules to keep you safe.

Good luck in whatever decision you make, and study hard.

Rick

Sounds like you know the right decision. Lesson one of college is learning how not to let your family control your life. As to the major, old media is dying but the need for information is not; if it's something that you enjoy, go for it. You *might* find that as you take your gen-ed classes and different electives and get to meet new people, you might change your mind; that's fine. It sure as hell isn't our place to tell you what to study!

Bedlam said:

Since my stepmom and dad live here, I'll be considered "in-state". I've already checked out the discount and it applies...1/2 off of tuition and fees, which adds up to about $3,000 per semester.

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Oh, bet. Move to Tennessee and get the biggest bang for your buck!! Don't know if it'll apply to you and your mom but, remember to call her every now and again (read: at least every other week) to avoid the "you never call your mother" speech/tears.

Here's wishing you the best!!

Wait, you're still a minor, :rockin:

First, to everyone on here, its not fair to try convincing her not to go into journalism. You would simply be speaking out of both sides of your mouth if you're telling her to go to the college of her choice but pick a different major. Second, to the OP, have you considered community college? It may be a nice compromise to your mother to spend a year going to CC and stay at her house. Get your gened classes out of the way for an even cheaper price tag. Just make sure that the final college of choice will accept those credits.

And just to reinforce what everyone else has been saying (and that you have stated from the beginning), life is hard enough as it is. Seek counsel from your parents, but make your own decision. If your parents truly love you the way they should, they will support your decision whether they like it or not. If you make decisions to appease your parents, you'll probably regret it at some point or another. I've always felt that the best lessons are learned from mistakes. There is no way you can make every mistake possible in your lifetime, so learn from the mistakes of others as often as possible. You'll be a happier person for it.

Speaking as someone in grad school currently who footed the bill himself (through loans) for school, GO TO THE SCHOOL WITH THE BEST RATIO OF CHEAP:GOOD AS YOU CAN GET INTO. And the rest be damned.

Also, as an aside: I assume one day you'll probably want to get married, and as a man joining that club in 3 months, my future wife and I both have college debt that we'll be paying off together, thankfully not a massive amount. So keeping that number low now makes a lot of sense for then too.

If your mom wants you to go to college in TX, let her pay for it; ALL of it, including room & board. If YOU are paying for it, I say take the deal in TN. Mom will get over any hurt feelings, especially if you explain it to her calmly & rationally. Regards, GF.

I agree with the sentiments here already, go for what is best for you. I wanted to add that going 'away' for school is a very very good thing. I have lots of high school friends who stayed in the same area, lived with their parents, went to community college and just never seem to have grown up. I think they missed a lot of opportunity, there were a lot of them that were smarter than me, but just didn't ever get out into the world. Do yourself a favor and get out on your own, just don't go crazy at college.

Brewin_Bob said:

remember to call her every now and again (read: at least every other week) to avoid the "you never call your mother" speech/tears.

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Ha! This will not work anyway. My MIL give my wife the guilt trip is she hasn't talked to her in 3 days! Mean ole me took her a measly 2 hours from them and she can't get over it.

conpewter said:

I agree with the sentiments here already, go for what is best for you. I wanted to add that going 'away' for school is a very very good thing. I have lots of high school friends who stayed in the same area, lived with their parents, went to community college and just never seem to have grown up. I think they missed a lot of opportunity, there were a lot of them that were smarter than me, but just didn't ever get out into the world. Do yourself a favor and get out on your own, just don't go crazy at college.

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100% on Pewter!
If you go to TN don't live with your dad and stepmom either. Living away for college is just as important to the experience as the education. Classes teach you the subject specific knowledge you need to succeed, Living on your own for 4-5 years teaches you the life lessons while still having your parents to fall back on. You're parents are just as much your parents when you're 6 as they are until you graduate college, (No matter how much you may dissagree) land that first job, and move out to your own apt. Then they can become your friends.......and baby sitters

You're mom will get over it, if she cannot, then she is being very selfish.

I couldn't imagine how hard it would be for her to have you move across country. I have a 10 month old son and already can't imagine him leaving. But being a good parent is letting your kids go be themselves and do what they need to do.

gratus fermentatio said:

If your mom wants you to go to college in TX, let her pay for it; ALL of it, including room & board. If YOU are paying for it, I say take the deal in TN. Mom will get over any hurt feelings, especially if you explain it to her calmly & rationally. Regards, GF.

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+1 big time

Its time for your mother to cut the apron strings and realize that you're not always going to live close by.

My wife's cousin moved to Germany 3.5 weeks after she graduated High School, and is there for a total of 4 years on some vo-tech tradeskill/fellowship program (she does old school carpentry and restoration).

She only gets back here once a year. Your mom should be lucky you'll only be 1 timezone away.

jmendez29 said:

First, to everyone on here, its not fair to try convincing her not to go into journalism. You would simply be speaking out of both sides of your mouth if you're telling her to go to the college of her choice but pick a different major.

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No, I don't think they are. I think many people here perhaps have a bit of life experience and know that while money isn't everything, when you don't have it, it certainly seems like it is.

IMHO, I wouldn't go into journalism ... and I graduated with a degree in it. Look into it if you like, take a few classes but you really should consider how happy you'd be in it.

jmendez29 said:

Second, to the OP, have you considered community college? It may be a nice compromise to your mother to spend a year going to CC and stay at her house. Get your gened classes out of the way for an even cheaper price tag. Just make sure that the final college of choice will accept those credits.

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This isn't really a good idea. You can have problems transfering credits from one four-year in-state school to an equal state school, much less different state schools or community colleges. Many community colleges have specific agreements with local universities, check into those if you do decide to that route.