You sound like a heat pump salesman. I don't disagree that the controls on my unit were crappy. It was the latest and greatest programmable thermostat, variable speed air handler, single speed compressor. Unfortunately, the deadband on the thermostat could not be adjusted. So, one-degree above/below my setpoint and the unit would cycle on/off.
You can't really undersize a compressor. It will happily move XXX BTU's from one place to another all day long. Your logic is similar to saying a deskfan will die quicker than a 16" floor model if it is not properly sized for the room. True, if it runs all year long, that is 8000 hours per year and it will wear out quicker than a unit that runs 3 hours per day (1100 hs/year)--this is comprehended by most people. Where you can screw up is sizing your evaporator wrong. Of course, these are usually matched together, so manufacturers/installers make some compromises (you can't have a small outdoor unit with a huge evaporator/air handler or vice versa).
But, a PROPERLY sized HVAC
SYSTEM will move the most amount of heat for the least amount of work. If you oversize it, it is not going to be as efficient and will use more energy than a properly sized unit. Will it cool? Yes. Will it heat? Yes. Might it use more energy that a properly sized unit? Quite likely. My other suggestion is to get advice from someone other than the person selling you the unit--this really goes without saying. Remember, they don't want you calling back saying it is not cooling. Does that mean you'll call them back and complain about spending $7 more per month on your electric bill? No, you won't, because you'll be cool, you'll never see the extra $7, which is why they
tend to oversize.
See
here for some more info. I do stand corrected and upon doing some reading, most manufacturers say their units hit their rated SEER and reach equilibrium in about 10-15 minutes instead of 30-40. Sounds likes they are making some improvements in this area. But, this means if your unit runs for 15-minutes and shuts off, you just got to max efficiency before it turned off.