Serious business: tackling the beer **** head on.

I must find the perfect substrate for beer absorption. Ideally such a consumable would both taste delicious with beer as well as absorb carbonation (hah) and add some structural integrity to that which does not the following morning.
Right now I can drink a few beers before inevitable bloat sets in and my digestive tract starts rebelling. I gotta find a way around this before my first batch is done!
Discuss.

I know this is the wrong answer for DRMM, but... moderation? :cross:

taco bell and prunes always work for me.

How To Cook Deep Fried Beer.

a cork?

Buy these and don't sweat it.

Go for the gusto. Eat an inordinate amount of chilis as well.

Guys I did say this was serious business.

rockgardenlove said:

Guys I did say this was serious business.

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Anything posted in "Drunken Ramblings and Mindless Mumbling" is ripe for the ****ing with.

+1 especially if it's about ****ting.

Eat a large bran muffin with each pint of beer?

your digestive tract just needs to get acclimated. Keep drinking more and more each day, then all of a sudden one day - Poof! you'll be cured.


(.....maybe?)

First question - how many homebrews (or years of homebrews) and bottle conditioned beers have you had?

if you're on batch one, hold on, brother! install hand rails in the toilet.

By batch 4 or 5, you'll be getting the benefit of all those B vitamins, and more farts than s**ts.
A few more batches, and everything evens out -

BUT - you don't have to swirl the bottle and get every drop. Learn how to pour a homebrew (if you haven't) - nice cold bottle, held still. Uncap, tilt gently, pour. Do NOT lift the bottle upright to inspect, just pour in one motion, and leave the last 1/4" behind.

Hang Glider said:

BUT - you don't have to swirl the bottle and get every drop. Learn how to pour a homebrew (if you haven't) - nice cold bottle, held still. Uncap, tilt gently, pour. Do NOT lift the bottle upright to inspect, just pour in one motion, and leave the last 1/4" behind.

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Good advice ^^^^^

When I pour, I watch the beer for "streaks" of yeast coming out of the bottle, and quickly stop then.

Also, of the 5 yeasts I've used so far, I like US-05 the best. Good characteristics otherwise, but the big bonus is all of it sticks to the bottom of the bottle (for me at least, and after conditioning). I can dump the whole bottle and get a crystal clear beer. It forms a cake on the bottom that doesn't move on a pour.

Not even drinking my first batch! Still fermenting! Just Portland micros!
(though Widmir hefe may be as yeasty)

A bidet is also useful for the first few batches... as well as those "not so fresh" days.

The real question is if you can make brew recipe accommodations without sacrificing the beer.

IMO, wet wipes are always an acceptable item in the bathroom. If you got sh*t on your arm, and you wiped it off with toilet paper, you wouldn't consider your arm clean would you? Wipe a couple times with toilet paper, then use a baby wipe. You will never feel cleaner after taking a sh*t. Seriously.

GNBrews said:

IMO, wet wipes are always an acceptable item in the bathroom. If you got sh*t on your arm, and you wiped it off with toilet paper, you wouldn't consider your arm clean would you? Wipe a couple times with toilet paper, then use a baby wipe. You will never feel cleaner after taking a sh*t. Seriously.

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My wife got me using these, and now i use them after every backdoor drop off. As to food, pizza works pretty good, but actually water helps more than it seems like it would. When you are dehydrated, the whole digestive process gets bogged down with undiluted bile and mucous. A little water sipped throughout the night makes it all run more smoothly, which is not to say runny, it just came out like that... Okay, I'm going to stop.

wildwest450 said:

Buy these and don't sweat it.

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Hellz to the yeah. Ain't no shame being older than two and using baby wipes. Say bye bye to swamp ass for good.:rockin:

pretzels, bread some thing like that

Every once in a while I'll have a crap and baby wipes just don't cut it. I have to sit on the edge of the bath and give my butt a good wash or I just feel dirty all day long.

killian said:

pretzels, bread some thing like that

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I've found starchy foods tend to expand mathematically upon the introduction of beer...surprisingly stuff like steak, chicken, sausages, grilled veggies (i.e anything BBQ) never have that "effect".

I am sorry. I am not posting any advice on this thread.

A few of these and any digestive issues will be down the drain....

I never thought this was a problem, I've never felt more "cleaned" out before. Home brew keeps everything moving and I like it...

scrambledegg81 said:

I've found starchy foods tend to expand mathematically upon the introduction of beer...surprisingly stuff like steak, chicken, sausages, grilled veggies (i.e anything BBQ) never have that "effect".

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What ever works

Water, water, water! Goes like this:

Water, beer, water, beer, repeat.

GNBrews said:

IMO, wet wipes are always an acceptable item in the bathroom. If you got sh*t on your arm, and you wiped it off with toilet paper, you wouldn't consider your arm clean would you? Wipe a couple times with toilet paper, then use a baby wipe. You will never feel cleaner after taking a sh*t. Seriously.

Click to expand...

A guy was trying to sell me on a bidet while renovating my bathroom. He said, "if you fell in the back yard, caught yourself with your hands in a pile of dog dung, would you just wipe your hands with a paper towel and call it good?"

I said "no, but I guess I'll wait to get the bidet until such time as I'm eating ham sandwiches with my ass".

Hey a bidet is a good thing, screw toilet paper, wet wipes are for a pinch, the shower is your one true ally after a ****. I use maybe a roll of toilet paper a half year. Mud butt can go straight to hell.