What not to say on a first date!

In other words, how to make sure there isn't a second date

What do YOU do when herpes flares up?

Could you come up and help me pop some zits on my butt?

I need to hurry, my wife and kids will be home soon.

You kiss better than your mom! Can we call her?

does this look infected to you?

You buying?

What color are your panties?

I love you!

You are one of "those girls" aren't you?

I only have a five, can you break it?

Let's go for broke. It's a date right.

"Can I get a Fudge McSundae"...."Nuts?"....."She's got those covered later"

Ha.

My brother took a first date to see The Accused.

Plot:

A rape victim, enraged at the light sentence her attackers received on account that she was of "questionable character" goads a female prosecutor to charge the men who literally cheered the attack on.

Click to expand...

On the flipside: He agreed to a first date, in another instance, to see a football game because her father was a coach. He assumed HS football game.

He found out quickly that Saturday morning that he was to watch the WI game from the sidelines with his date.... the daughter of Barry Alvarez.

I'm still pissed he blew that date too.

Do you have worms?

For me it was always, Hi.

I had three sh!ts today!.....Wait there, I'll be back soon.

shecky said:

For me it was always, Hi.

Click to expand...

So what'd you say to your wife to get the second date? Oh wait, let me guess, she agreed to go out with you so you drugged her and went to Vegas?

HBHoss said:

So what'd you say to your wife to get the second date? Oh wait, let me guess, she agreed to go out with you so you drugged her and went to Vegas?

Click to expand...

Nah. We met on a plane and she's terrified of flying. Absolutely paralyzed with fear.
It was Dramamine and we went to the bucolic garden spot of Lexington, Ky., because, well, that's where the plane landed.

shecky said:

Nah. We met on a plane and she's terrified of flying. Absolutely paralyzed with fear.
It was Dramamine and we went to the bucolic garden spot of Lexington, Ky., because, well, that's where the plane landed.

Click to expand...

Man, if I knew that absolute ass numbing fear was the way to get laid, I would have worn my hockey mask more often!

ya mind if we swing by wallyworld ? Almost out of duct tape and plastic bags...How tall are you anyway?

Laughing_Gnome said:

Man, if I knew that absolute ass numbing fear was the way to get laid, I would have worn my hockey mask more often!

Click to expand...

Oh! That's a mask?

"We've got all night, my wife is visiting her mom."

Wanna see my collection of Star Trek episodes?

shecky said:

Wanna see my collection of Star Trek episodes?

Click to expand...

Liar.

A trekkie would have identified the series.

Meanwhile, back to the thread...

You mean this switch connected to my vest? Oh.. it's nothing..

olllllo said:

Liar.

A trekkie would have identified the series.

Click to expand...

Indeed, I have not ever seen a Star Trek episode.
Advance apologies to any Trekkies who will be subsequently insulted. Don't want contentiousness here.

Ribbed or natural?

Do you know the difference between a dick and a popsicle?

Laughing_Gnome said:

Do you know the difference between a dick and a popsicle?

Click to expand...

Liar.

When we dated, you said Lollipop.

olllllo said:

Liar.

When we dated, you said Lollipop.

Click to expand...

I was translating for the benefit of those that don't know us! Shhhh now!

You know, you're really built like my mother. Up top, I mean.

You push, and I'll pop the clutch.

"You want to come in? Just be quiet, my mom's asleep."

What a coincidence, I have a dress just like that.

Say hello to my little friend.

the_bird said:

"You want to come in? Just be quiet, my mom's asleep."

Click to expand...

My mum wants to be sure I will meet the right person......She wants to watch

I have this friend. His name's Laughing Gnome ...



Wait, where are you going?

Laughing_Gnome said:

My mum wants to be sure I will meet the right person......She wants to watch

Click to expand...

Is it okay if my mom watches? She wants to make sure I do it with you the same way she taught me to do it with her.

"When I saw you at the bar, i knew you would be mine."

"Really, how did you know that?"

"I'm a rapist."

I know how to make Pruno.

Top bunk or bottom?

DeathBrewer said:

"When I saw you at the bar, i knew you would be mine."

"Really, how did you know that?"

"I'm a rapist."

Click to expand...

Oddly, I found that hilarious. I need help.

A bit off topic but I was always awkward around girls for many years and no too smooth a talker. Anyway, my first job was washing dishes at a restaurant. One of my coworkers told me one of the waitresses wanted me to ask her out. I got up my nerve and approached her and said. "Hey Hi, I heard you wanted to go out with me". She almost dropped her tray and quickly fled embarrassed. I quickly realized what an ass I was. She never said hi to me again. My friend couldn't believe I said that and screwed up a sure thing. I should have tried to apologize but had no clue how to so it ended like that. She was hot, never forget that.

You look easy, wanna screw?

Do you mind if I fart?

At dinner; When the waitress asks what you want to drink, " A 12 oz glass of your bath water." Only if she's smokin' hot!!

Are those real?

Do you like anal sex? If so, one two dicks at a time.

Man, my balls itch like somethin' fierce

Man, you eat lot. Oink, Oink

Daaaaang! Your daughter is HAWT! I could do that. She's what 15?

GilaMinumBeer said:

Daaaaang! Your daughter is HAWT! I could do that. She's what 15?

Click to expand...

Hey! You think later your daughter will want to join us? A little three-some going???