I'm concerned about getting an infection in my beer

I dont know if this is a rational thought or not, but Ive been becoming more and more concerned with infecting my own beer. Normally my brewdays go off without a hitch, fermentation is a lazy process (for me) and it goes into the keg for aging with no issues. Upon sipping my first pour, I realize how yummy my beer is, but as I set the glass back down my fears start getting the better of me.

The beer came into contact with the 2nd dirtiest part of my body - my mouth. And Im sure that some of my bacterias and whatnot have made their way back into my beer glass and are trying to work their magic between swigs. But thats the problem too. Everytime I take a drink, I infect my beer even more. Throw in the fact that it goes down to my nasty cesspool of a stomach, and gets mixed with other bacterias... Man, my beer never had a chance. It makes me rather sad really. Knowing that I am continuously infecting my beer with each coming pour and sip.
Poor beer...

The only way to deal with these fears is glue some egg crating to your walls and paint it a soothing baby blue.

Don't worry, the alcohol in the beer will kill all infections in your stomach. That's why rum is my peptobismal.

Here's the solution.






(I know you're only kidding, but is it REALLY a good idea during "freaked out noob month" to start threads like this? You know they all flocked with worried breath to this thread, to make sure the picture or description of your infection matches what they think they have in their fermenter.) :fro:

Tin foil hats don't work. They actually intensify signals...and they don't breath so they get really hot. I once coated a hat in tin foil (looked awesome) and went to the bar with it on (that was fun). Kept having to take it off because it felt like my brain was cooking.

imaguitargod said:

Tin foil hats don't work. They actually intensify signals...and they don't breath so they get really hot. I once coated a hat in tin foil (looked awesome) and went to the bar with it on (that was fun). Kept having to take it off because it felt like my brain was cooking.

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Wait'll you try duct tape. I wore a duct tape suit in high school for some reason or other... man that was awful.

jamesnsw said:

Wait'll you try duct tape. I wore a duct tape suit in high school for some reason or other... man that was awful.

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Good point.

Very few things can survive in your stomach, so no worries there You just have to drink the beer faster so it can get disinfected in your tummy by the acid!

Wait, what if it he gets a UTI?

Revvy said:

Here's the solution.

(I know you're only kidding, but is it REALLY a good idea during "freaked out noob month" to start threads like this? You know they all flocked with worried breath to this thread, to make sure the picture or description of your infection matches what they think they have in their fermenter.) :fro:

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I feel for that cat...on so many levels!!

Gremlyn1 said:

Very few things can survive in your stomach

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...every see any of the Alien movies?

It's a shame. your beer never had a chance. You must dispose of properly. The horror... The horror...

Put some duct tape over your mouth and make a small hole in the tape. Use a clean straw to take each sip.

imaguitargod said:

...every see any of the Alien movies?

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Yeah, so the few things that can live in your stomach include H. pylori and Alien babies.

Gremlyn1 said:

Yeah, so the few things that can live in your stomach include... Alien babies.

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So could that be what they are protecting with foil here?



Keeping dem alien babies in.

If when you pour your beer it comes out thick like snot. It probably is bunk.

Oh dude, you just ruined your beer. Don't you know your stomach is full of puke? Every time you take a drink, BAM into the puke it goes!


My condolences

EvilTOJ said:

Oh dude, you just ruined your beer. Don't you know your stomach is full of puke? Every time you take a drink, BAM into the puke it goes!


My condolences

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You see??!! Its true, Im ruining my perfectly good beer by adding all kinds of mouth germs then dumping it into puke!
Damn... I guess my next step would be administering my brew rectally. But then again it just wouldnt taste the same

Tin foil only works if you ground it while wearing it (faraday cage). So, you must have a wire connected to you at all times.

Ok, Joe, I've solved your problem. You need an IV flow of beer, that way it goes directly into your bloodstream, no contaments, and it's also optimal alcohol absorbtion. Either that or get an atomizer and breathe it in.

imaguitargod said:

Ok, Joe, I've solved your problem. You need an IV flow of beer, that way it goes directly into your bloodstream, no contaments, and it's also optimal alcohol absorbtion. Either that or get an atomizer and breathe it in.

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So a beer hat is out?



Even a tinfoil covered one?

imaguitargod said:

Ok, Joe, I've solved your problem. You need an IV flow of beer, that way it goes directly into your bloodstream, no contaments, and it's also optimal alcohol absorbtion. Either that or get an atomizer and breathe it in.

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Whoah... Vaping my beer FTW. IV flow FTW.
You are more than just a guitar god now. :rockin:

JoeMama said:

Whoah... Vaping my beer FTW. IV flow FTW.
You are more than just a guitar god now. :rockin:

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"The dude abides"