10 Things to Ponder for 2007

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homebrewer_99

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#10 - Life is sexually transmitted.

#9 - Good health is merely the slowest rate at which one can die.

#8 - Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

#7 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

#6 - Some people are like a slinky... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

#5 - Health nuts are going to feel real stupid someday, lying in the hospital dying of nothing.

#4 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

#3 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars, and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents???

#2 - In the 60's, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE #1 THOUGHT FOR 2007:

We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America, but we haven't a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.:D
 
I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. oK here comes the republican in me but now can they not find the illegals, but the demacraps are gonig to shoot down funding for our great 2k mile wall!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Reverend JC said:
I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. oK here comes the republican in me but now can they not find the illegals, but the demacraps are gonig to shoot down funding for our great 2k mile wall!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lets not get political please. This is not the place for political conversations.
 
10-6 are great 5-1 are not very funny though.

Pushing your slinky-like coworker down the stair... Funny.
Critisizing the weather... no funny.

Thank you for reminding me not to comment on the previous political comment. Good moderating!
 
beer4breakfast said:
The only one I think is not funny is #1. Except for that one, which is really out of place compared to the rest of them, I'd be sending this list to all my friends.

Anyone got an apolitical AND funny alternative to #1?

Women will gladly take a pill that has side effects of blood clots, stroke, and some cancers. Unless it makes them gain weight.
 
beer4breakfast said:
That's a good one, Cheese! Much nicer and more funny. If you're a guy anyway. I'm not sure how the women feel.

It's funny!

Reminds me of something- I was getting dressed for a big event and put on an outfit that I really wasn't sure about. I asked my husband, "Honey, does this outfit make me look fat". He studied it for a minute and said "No". Then he added, "It's your body that makes you look fat". I have never asked him again for his opinion on anything.

Lorena
 
Yooper Brewmistress said:
It's funny!

Reminds me of something- I was getting dressed for a big event and put on an outfit that I really wasn't sure about. I asked my husband, "Honey, does this outfit make me look fat". He studied it for a minute and said "No". Then he added, "It's your body that makes you look fat". I have never asked him again for his opinion on anything.

Lorena
I've learned to stay away from questions from SWMBO about her or any other woman's body.
When we were first married we were standing in the line at the grocery and there was a magazine with Charline Tilton (Spelling?) on the cover. She was in a fairly skimpy bikini. My wife asked me what I thought of her. I told her that I thought she looked heavy in that particular bikini. The next words out of her mouth: "Well what do you think of me then?" She was mad at me for about 2 weeks. The only possible answer to that question would have been to tell her that no other woman is attractive to me. She would have saw through it right away but at least I would have avoided answering the question.
Maybe your husbands approach is the best. Be honest and say it like it is. Although I seriously doubt you look fat in anything.
 
You never tell a women her outfit makes her look fat. The correct response is this:

"No honey, that outfit doesn't make you look fat. None of your outfits make you look fat. Younger, skinnier women who have never had children make you look fat."
 
Cheesefood said:
You never tell a women her outfit makes her look fat. The correct response is this:

"No honey, that outfit doesn't make you look fat. None of your outfits make you look fat. Younger, skinnier women who have never had children make you look fat."

I can't believe you are still married. She must be a saint! ;)

Lorena
 
...or I do and say things in this forum that are seperate from the way I act around real people.

But mostly it's that she's immune to my crassness and knows better than to ask a question that could merit a smart-ass remark.
 
Cheesefood said:
...or I do and say things in this forum that are seperate from the way I act around real people.

But mostly it's that she's immune to my crassness and knows better than to ask a question that could merit a smart-ass remark.

Or you throw on those flame shorts and give that woman hot pleasure into the next century!:D
 
I do not think immigration is bad. If you move to the US, register, get a S/S, and pay taxes. (unless you're a terrorist, then STFO of my country)
 
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