I have a black eye!

I didn't sleep well last night, and so got up to go to the bathroom with the light out. Coming back to the bedroom, I missed the doorway and nailed my face on the door frame (head too!). I briefly saw stars, and the loud noise woke Bob up.

I have a big ugly black eye, and a bump on my forehead. I have to work tomorrow.

My son asked me today what happened, and I said, "I ran into a doorway". He looked very concerned, and then started to laugh. I said "What?" and he said that is what women say when their husbands hit them.

So, now I'm thinking if I go to work and all thousand people ask me what happened, Bob will look really bad!

So, I should tell people I got into a barfight, and no one would ever believe that!

say "I really don't care to share my personal life at work, but you should see the other guy" and walk away.

Just tell them you got in to a fight over the last beer. Totally believable. Heal fast!

Pics or it didn't happen

"I fell off the mechanical bull down at Cowtown."

5 minute major and a game misconduct...the other gal didn't stand a chance

RobertRGeorge said:

"I fell off the mechanical bull down at Cowtown."

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Yep, that's the one I'm using! There probably isn't a mechanical bull within 500 miles, so that will work.

JLem said:

5 minute major and a game misconduct...the other gal didn't stand a chance

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The sad thing is, I've used that one already. More than once.

EllisTX said:

Pics or it didn't happen

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+1

Just answer "NOTHING!" And mutter to yourself about those gawdam motherf&%$ing bears learned whose trash can not to mess with.

EllisTX said:

Pics or it didn't happen

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Maybe. I think we should wait until it turns green and yellow, and not just black and purple though. I don't look good in purple.

Caught a elbow in the roller derby.

Seriously, People are going to give Bob the stink eye no matter what if you are seen with him with a black eye.

Yooper said:

Maybe. I think we should wait until it turns green and yellow, and not just black and purple though. I don't look good in purple.

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Lol.

I have a large scar on my left calf from an atv accident 20 years ago. My story changes almost every time I'm asked. Have fun with it.

Tell them the truth, then ask if they know a good contractor to repair the door jamb!

Yooper said:

My son asked me today what happened, and I said, "I ran into a doorway". He looked very concerned, and then started to laugh. I said "What?" and he said that is what women say when their husbands hit them.

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I had an ex GF who had a pretty funny joke regarding this. In reference to the movie Fight Club, "What's the first rule of fight club? We don't talk about fight club." But instead of fight club, she would replace it with stair club, inferring that she may have gotten the black eye from "falling down the stairs", but she doesn't want to talk about it.

I know that this probably makes me look really bad from this perspective, but I swear I've never hit a woman. Hell, I've rarely ever hit a man, I'm a pretty non violent guy. And I don't advocate domestic violence of any kind. But I swear, I laughed at this joke every time I heard it. I guess it kinda shows how sick my sense of humor is.

Heal up soon! A few years ago I had the same thing happen, except I got the giant egg right in the forehead, but not the black eye. We had just moved into a new house and I thought the door was a few inches to the right. The very next day, movers came to deliver our furniture, and the day after I had to head to work.

Definitely have fun with the story. If you can make it bigger and better each time you tell it, do so. You get bonus points if a few people hear more than one version and they call you on it.

Still no pictures?

I've never had a black eye for the usual reasons. It's better when there is an odd story though.

I remember one time probably nearly 30 years ago hearing someone outside. I got up and went running through the house in the dark and ran right into the door of a cabinet that I had left open. Needless to say I saw starts and staggered back.
Another time I had an old 30-06 with a stock that I had shortened for my ex. It had been sitting for a long time and I thought I should shoot it to see how well it shot and decide what I was going to do with the rifle since I was thinking of having a new barrel put on i.
Well, with the short stock the thing whacked me in the eye with the scope hard!! I saw stars again. I opened the back door of the suburban, set the rifle on the seat and grabbed a spare t-shirt to soak up the blood.
Had a nice puffed up eye on each of those times.

You could say it's a hockey injury; certainly plausible. Hope you heal up soon Yoop!
Regards, GF.

gratus fermentatio said:

You could say it's a hockey injury; certainly plausible. Hope you heal up soon Yoop!
Regards, GF.

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Yeah, except I'm not playing this year.

We're leaving for Texas mid-january, and we got ice late so I didn't want to pay to skate for such a short season so I skipped it this year.

I have a bad photo, taken with my cheap cell phone in the bathroom mirror last night. It's far more dark purple than the photo shows!

At work on Friday, EVERYBODY asked me about it. When I said "I walked into a doorway", most people didn't believe me. One lady was about ready to call the police to report Bob, I swear!

So one of the other girls later asked, "OMG, what happened to your eye?!?!" and I said, "Bob hit me."

She laughed and said, "No, really, what happened?"

Should've said your boyfriend hit you. That'a raised some eyebrows. :cross:

Doesn't look too bad.

Just enough to get everyone to talk! Good idea joking about Bob hitting you. It either works out the way you want, or you get some quiet around the house for a few days.

Wow. Gotta love the judgemental nature of todays society. Its a shame thats where were at nowadays

Yoop. I think I see knuckle marks...

EllisTX said:

Yoop. I think I see knuckle marks...

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I'm pretty sure the doorway didn't have knuckles, but I could check!

It's dark purple now, surrounded by green highlights. The photo makes it look bland, but it's quite vividly colored.

I think AnOldUr is right- I'll say my boyfriend hit me. Or maybe that I had a fight with Bob's girlfriend. That would start some tongues wagging!

I'm working all day tomorrow, in a different place than Friday, so maybe I'll just say something like, "I don't want to talk about it. I'm sure you can understand". :cross:

Yooper said:

Or maybe that I had a fight with Bob's girlfriend.

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That is the winning idea

Haven't seen that much eye shadow since the late 80's!

Just tell people you and Bob had a fight over the last glass of IPA. Then tell them they should see how bad Bob looks!

I think I can one-up you all... "I got into an argument with my rabbi, it got pretty heated"

Riiiiight.....

Black eyes and alcohol are like peanut butter and jelly.

Yooper said:

I didn't sleep well last night, and so got up to go to the bathroom with the light out. Coming back to the bedroom, I missed the doorway and nailed my face on the door frame (head too!). I briefly saw stars, and the loud noise woke Bob up.

I have a big ugly black eye, and a bump on my forehead. I have to work tomorrow.

My son asked me today what happened, and I said, "I ran into a doorway". He looked very concerned, and then started to laugh. I said "What?" and he said that is what women say when their husbands hit them.

So, now I'm thinking if I go to work and all thousand people ask me what happened, Bob will look really bad!

So, I should tell people I got into a barfight, and no one would ever believe that!

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If you want to have fun with it, have him send you flower at work. A card with just "I'm Sorry" would seal the deal. They'd be convinced he did it.

Nova5 said:

If you want to have fun with it, have him send you flower at work. A card with just "I'm Sorry" would seal the deal. They'd be convinced he did it.

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Ha! Great idea.

I now have just one spot of black around my eye. It got beautifully yellow and green and purple first but I have one spot of black.

I just realized yesterday that my head doesn't hurt as much, just one spot with a small bump on my forehead.

I guess I can no longer use "my head injury" as a valid excuse to get out of anything!

Tell them you were on your morning run, it was dark and you ran into a tree. Probably won't work. The truth is the best.. maybe.

Just the other day, just as Im falling asleep, I get the dreaded demand "MAKE IT FLAAAAT!" from the wife. If one measly blanket isnt perfectly situated over her, it becomes my responsibility to fix it. So, in a huff, I sit up and start straightening. The sheet, under everything, must have gotten caught on the footboard, because there was a good bit of tension on it. So I pulled, and I yanked, and I pulled, and SWMBO decides to sit up to see what the trouble is.

Right about then I lost my grip and POW! My elbow connects with her lip, and I can feel her teeth on my skin. I considered running away through the back balcony at that moment, and got an ice cube. After the inital pain she started laughing... which was good... except she still had a busted lip. "I'll just tell everyone that I..."

"No" I said, "No one will ever believe that. What they WILL believe is that I was pulling the frigging blanket and accidently nailed you in the lip. Everyone knows I'm basically an idiot."

So thats what she did. Even her father laughed. Lip healed up within 2 days.

Hows the shiner, Yoop?

Yooper said:

I didn't sleep well last night, and so got up to go to the bathroom with the light out. Coming back to the bedroom, I missed the doorway and nailed my face on the door frame (head too!). I briefly saw stars, and the loud noise woke Bob up.

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Must be a woman thing. My wife decided it would be a good idea to get up and go to the bathroom while her leg was DEAD asleep. Sprained her ankle and crashed to the floor like someone dropped an anvil. I don't think I've laughed that hard before or since. It's always funny to see her wander around after she turns the lights out... like a damn zombie with her arms out trying to make sure she doesn't walk into something. Didn't stop her from shoulder-checking the doorway when stumbling to get a crying baby though. Probably just inches away from the same result you had.