OdinsBrew
Well-Known Member
Got jokes?
The Drunkard's Wish
A drunk is sitting at the end of a bar. He sees an old lamp. He picks it up and rubs it. Out pops a genie. The genie says, "I will give you three wishes." The man thinks awhile. Finally he points his swaying finger and slurs, "I want a beer that is never empty." The genie waves his hand and poof, on the bar is a bottle of beer. The drunk uses his one open eye to double check that yes, it's a bottle of beer. He starts chugging it and and can't even make a dent. It's still full. The genie asks "What would you like for your next two wishes?" The guy says, "s-h-i-t man! I want two more of these!"
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The coma
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months. One day, he motioned for her to come near. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side.... You know what?"
"What dear?" she asked gently.
"I think you're bad luck. Get the f-u-c-k away from me."
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A Drunken Thank you note
Walking home after a girls' night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee. The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that. The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband. He's f'in furious: "My wife came home last night without her panties!" "That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck in her butt that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"
The Drunkard's Wish
A drunk is sitting at the end of a bar. He sees an old lamp. He picks it up and rubs it. Out pops a genie. The genie says, "I will give you three wishes." The man thinks awhile. Finally he points his swaying finger and slurs, "I want a beer that is never empty." The genie waves his hand and poof, on the bar is a bottle of beer. The drunk uses his one open eye to double check that yes, it's a bottle of beer. He starts chugging it and and can't even make a dent. It's still full. The genie asks "What would you like for your next two wishes?" The guy says, "s-h-i-t man! I want two more of these!"
+ + +
The coma
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months. One day, he motioned for her to come near. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side.... You know what?"
"What dear?" she asked gently.
"I think you're bad luck. Get the f-u-c-k away from me."
+ + +
A Drunken Thank you note
Walking home after a girls' night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee. The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that. The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband. He's f'in furious: "My wife came home last night without her panties!" "That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck in her butt that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"